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Poetry Magnum Opus

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  1. Yesterday
  2. badger11

    Thorns

    Yes, thanks Tony. I'm okay with the adjective now, since your suggestion gives a pause which avoids a clipped final line. best Phil
  3. Last week
  4. tonyv

    Thorns

    Yes, I agree the punctuation is not needed. With the stanza and line break the pauses are still there. I was thinking you could drop the adjective altogether. It's clear the flowers mean a lot to him. He watches the children and the roses! Tony
  5. badger11

    Thorns

    Great. Thanks Tony. Steering away from the punctuation for now, but the pause for emphasis is still there. cheers Phil
  6. tonyv

    Thorns

    Maybe something like this... footie-mad us and them: his roses
  7. badger11

    Thorns

    Thanks Tony. Doodling a bit here. Still not sure about the adjective for the flowers. cheers Phil
  8. eclipse

    war child

    Thanks tony for this website...
  9. tonyv

    war child

    You should know my response by now, Barry: "Is the contest good enough for your poem(s)?" Tony
  10. eclipse

    war child

    Thanks tony.they were written for a contest. Are they good enough..
  11. tonyv

    war child

    Barry, I like your recent war poems. Powerful stuff, along the lines of Black Sabbath's War Pigs. Peace through superior firepower -- good. Aggression … probably bad. Tony
  12. tonyv

    The butterfly collector

    Is the speaker a soldier? I think of soldiers as mostly young people, and I can imagine a sizeable proportion of those who do end up in active combat waking up to its nightmarish absurdity. I wonder if this is from the perspective of an older soldier who has lived long enough to enjoy a hobby like butterfly collecting. Tony
  13. tonyv

    Thorns

    Revision 1 adds clarity, but turns it into a following in the footsteps narrative. Revision 2 is the distillate. You reveal the identity of the watcher and the watched, and most readers will probably relate. Tony
  14. tonyv

    Warmth

    Perhaps detachment isn't the right word, but there's a sense that she's with him yet somehow she's not. She She dresses, undresses, yet still outside are those ghosts who would dress her. Other forces at work? Intriguing. Tony
  15. Earlier
  16. badger11

    Thorns

    Thanks. Expanded to make it less obscure.
  17. badger11

    war child

    How truth is conveyed...how trust in that truth undermined...how much truth is valued...cut to the adverts...answers that last question. good one
  18. eclipse

    Thorns

    Intriguing work.cryptic
  19. badger11

    Thorns

    revision2 chair left out -side the back door where Dad sat and kept an eye on footie-mad us and them his beloved roses Revision chair left out -side the back door where he sat and kept an eye on us footie-mad kids and the yellow roses and now I dig up roots bury daffodil bulbs sip my home -brew have a chair out -side Original chair left out -side the back door where he sat and kept an eye on us footie-mad kids and the yellow roses
  20. Tinker

    Rubai and Omar Stanzas, Rubaiyat

    World Peace I pick one white rose, the spirit of purity, one red rose, reminder of life's fluidity. A yellow rose seals friendship's bond and I add a pink rose to bring diversity. Would that I could wave a rose wand and all the peoples of the world respond by greeting hate with tolerance and love, propelling us into a peaceful beyond. ~~Judi Van Gorder rubaiyat
  21. eclipse

    The butterfly collector

    I killed a man today, woman yesterday, oh lord next it will be a child. I am not a hero,please tell dickhead trump and the other politicians. Back home i was a collector of butterflies, the tattoo of the blue Adonis butterfly has one of it's wings obscured with scars, the duality has gone my conscience is trying to contact me, Why hasn't war been resigned to a museum, i can hear bullets laughing at the absurdity, I wish i could return the earth to god's gun and put my finger in the barrel until all wars have ended. I experienced the hallucination of a double crucifixion and the painted wing of the blue adonis on a man's chest, I encountered my former self in the confluence of a net and gun.
  22. Tinker

    Nonet

    The Red, Red Rose On my dining table I've arranged a bouquet of six red roses. It was five dollar Friday and the deal of the day. No romantic gift, For me, from me, Beautiful! enough said. ~~jvg -tab=comments#.url
  23. Tinker

    Forms found at Poetry Base/Poetry Gnosis

    The Sheshire Are You a Dog or a Cat Person? I've always favored dogs; big dogs preferably. The type you take on jogs. You know, adorably loyal, like to chase frogs, empathize lovably. I'm not a cat lover. Not my glass of ice tea I'm not one to hover or save cats from a tree. Scratching makes me shiver. my home was kitty free. Then Molly came along with her cute kitten ways. Even when she does wrong I can't help give her praise. My heart sings her song with a repeating phrase. My biting ball of fur, this crazy cat has claws. (And still I love her.) ~~Judi Van Gorder The elements of the Sheshire are: a poem of 20 lines made up of 3 sixains followed by a couplet. isosyllabic except the last line which includes the # of syllables as the previous lines plus a finishing phrase separated from the base line by caesura. rhymed, rhyme scheme ababab cdcdcd efefef gg or abcabc defdef ghighi jj. composed with a pivot or change of tone from stanza to stanza and ends with a note of irony.
  24. Pendulum syllables 8--6-4-2-2-4-6-8 aabbccdd From Plow to Sport of Kings Humble or gallant, talent swings from plow to Sport of Kings with strength or speed, our need. Beauty, sense of duty, magnificent of course, this is an homage to the horse. ~~Judi Van Gorder
  25. badger11

    Warmth

    revision She wakes in water that is cold enough to cut the dreaming cloth. The scissor of shivers tingles her spine, a signature of ghosts, a longing for warm skin - and him, within the tangle of sheets, his arms hugging pillows, clothes huddled with hers. She knuckles soap, scrubs, drys. Quietly closes the shower door. Separates her things, her scents, her dreams from his. She dresses, undresses, snuggles next to him knowing outside the mizzle of bleary voices gather to clothe a straying ghost. original She wakes in water that is cold enough to cut the dreaming cloth. The scissor of shivers tingles her spine, a signature of ghosts, a longing for warm skin - and him, within the tangle of sheets, his arms hugging pillows, clothes huddled with hers. She knuckles soap, scrubs, drys. She dresses, undresses, whispers close to him.
  26. eclipse

    war child

    Deliver this child who has lost an eye to a hospital, convey the conflict in a three minute clip then cut to the adverts. Child is having a seizure on a hospital bed, shake out the truth from the political matrix. On facebook a photograph leaks the blood from a child's bloody limb onto the pictures of those killed in war.
  27. tonyv

    The Lampeter Review

    Well, it was meant as the highest compliment ... Tony
  28. badger11

    The Lampeter Review

    Yes, I see what you mean Tony. I read your article on influences, but I couldn't point to a particular poem/poet. Very much appreciate your offer/s. I think I become so absorbed by the writing process, feeling for the pulse, that being organised is a distraction (especially with long working days). cheers Phil
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