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  1. Today
  2. misterpoet

    lady anti

    I'm pretty sure they are errors. lol. they shall be fixed. I have a lovely editor that's going through the manuscript now thank you for pointing them out. and thank you for enjoying and the compliments
  3. Tinker

    lady anti

    John, There is stunning imagery in this piece. I wonder at your use of the words "than" and "then" in the following 2 lines, are you switching them deliberately? Typos? or am I just not getting it? ~~Tink
  4. Yesterday
  5. A. Baez

    Winter Garden

    Hmm, well, apparently saffron crocus are fall-blooming, so maybe you're right (if yours are a bit behind schedule)! However, all crocuses have yellow stigmas, not just the saffron ones. These aren't cultivated nearly as much as the other crocus varieties, but they are available commercially to gardeners, and while the most common colors seem to be shades of purple and pink, it seems they're available in white as well. Hey, I learned something! 😁
  6. Tinker

    Winter Garden

    Thanks, I agree it just took stepping away. Yes, although I know not all crocus produce the spice. And I have no idea if my white ones do, but they do have the yellow stigma and it makes me think they might.
  7. A. Baez

    Winter Garden

    Tinker, it sounds so much better even with that one "ight" removal. And believe me, I've been there with the gratuitous rhyming! I agree, I like the "her" but like you, I couldn't figure out a way to have it all. By the way, what did you actually mean by "their value beyond the sight of beauty in blight?" Are you talking about literal saffron crocuses here? Or when you said "saffron," did you just mean it in the sense of that color of yellow-orange? If so, what is that additional value of the crocuses?
  8. Tinker

    Winter Garden

    AB, Thank you for pointing out the plurality in the first stanza. I do like the feminine her but it worked better for me to change the 2nd stanza rather than the first in that regard. I know I had a lot of "ight" rhyme and actually was having fun with it while questioning whether or not it was over the top. Taking baby steps, I did change light in the first stanza. I'm not ready yet to banish blight. I'll have to sit on it a while. ~~Judi
  9. tonyv

    Hubris

    Hubris That foggy decade past you were a headset voice -- we said a lot of things and had so much to prove we wrote a lot of poems that always had the groove -- and now, you're leaving me.
  10. A. Baez

    Scrape

    Oh my gosh, how novel! The scratch or itch as archetype of humans' sense of ego-separation from the rest of creation vis-à-vis the delusive body vehicle! I find this topic, and your exploration of it, fascinating. I love your droll title, with its dual connotations of a "scratch" and a "difficult situation." Your poem confronts both. "Time to address"--nice start. This issue clearly has been bugging you for awhile--time to face it head on! Why, indeed? From the outset, you seem to mix things up by using the terms "scratch," "scritch," "scrape," and "itch" interchangeably to mean any one of three things: a scratch from without, an itch from within, and a scratch from, well, somewhere between without and within (i.e., the person's hand). While all this does reinforce your exploration of boundaries, at times it does not feel intentional and just leaves me confused. If any of these verbal mixups are intentional, I guess I'd like to get a clearer sense of this--perhaps by your introducing the fluidity gradually, after we've had a chance to get our bearings as readers with some clearly defined and used terms. "Erotic 0000" is an allusion that escapes me. ? This is hilarious! I never knew an itch could be so sublimely profound! And yet, in essence, it is. Ha! This stock line here gains an entirely broader significance in light of the metaphysical exploration that has preceded. You present deeply serious questions with a ticklingly funny approach. Overall, a highly innovative and successful work.
  11. A. Baez

    the news slips off your tongue like hot soup

    This is a tight and powerful poem. Really interesting title! I guess I'd like it even better if it connected directly to something in the poem--some reference to eating soup. I do agree with what others have said about the power of the slight detachment here. You say relatively little, and that says it all. The minimum of specifics allows readers to bring their own similar experiences or imaginings to the poem. I thought that putting "I prepare myself" in parentheses was an interesting and effective approach. I also found it interesting that I wound up reading "& not in a pretend way" to refer to that line in parentheses, and not to the line that preceded it, which would be the grammatically correct interpretation. In any case, both interpretations work here, which adds interest. Your phrasing of kidneys actually "becoming" cirrhosis threw me a bit at first, but then struck me as an intriguing intentional rhetorical construction emphasizing the all-consuming nature of disease. If there were some way to present this phrase while making it more clear that this was no grammatical accident, that would be even better. Did you mean "wrote"? And, are you saying you wrote when it made a poem more interesting? If so, how does that make sense? It's funny, the first several times I read this, I assumed that you meant you wrote about your mother's condition when it made a poem more interesting, but then I realized you hadn't actually said that at all. If that is what you meant, I'd say I appreciate the cynical candor. is so powerful, especially in just the context in which it arises here. And I agree with Marti--the irony of spring ripening death is so pungent. I'm so glad that this situation turned around, in real life. P. S. I hope you saw my reply to your reply to my comments on your "learning to love my new body." I know they came after a slight pause!
  12. A. Baez

    Unweaving You from Me

    Wow, reading all poems aloud is quite a practice! For some reason, I tend to be more internal in experiencing poetry, even though I do place high value on the sound of a poem. Only occasionally do I feel moved to read something aloud. However, I do tend to read slowly and carefully, so I think I manage to pick up on a poem's sounds a lot just by doing that. On editing, I love this quote by Oscar Wilde: "I was working on the proof of one of my poems all the morning and took out a comma. In the afternoon I put it back again."
  13. A. Baez

    Winter Garden

    There is a really nice delicate, evocative quality to this. I get the strong feeling of the contrast between crocuses as humble beacons of beauty and the otherwise desolate landscape. Such scenes always conjure a very special mood in me! And wow, your crocuses are blooming now?! That isn't happening where I live! On a horticulturally technical note, I do believe that crocuses have just one bloom per plant. You refer to "blooms" (plural) in the first stanza, but then "her" (singular) in the second. You could achieve greater clarity by choosing either a singular or a plural reference, or making the transition from plural to singular from the first to second stanza explicit. The form is quite nice and I read its description in Form of the Week. You match your subject to it well. It looks like internal rhyme is not a requirement of this form, though, and I'd suggest that your poem would be better without it. "Light in the night" and "sight of beauty in blight" both wind up sounding silly to me because of these added rhymes, and I'm sure that's not your intent. To me, this effect conjures a rapper trying to squeeze as many rhymes as possible into a phrase--it's more quaint than effective. I do love the sound of "crocus" with "mock." You get a lot of mileage out of just those two words! I found L3's meter to be bumpy. I like the concept behind "pilot of light in the night" and think it would work beautifully if you could revise this phrase to remove the internal rhyme. I also really like the church imagery in S2 and find it very effective. In the company of "testament," "grace," and "sacrament," "stigma" conjures "stigmata," too--an interesting association, given that crocuses, like saints, maintain their steadfastness in the face of hardship. I love the feel of "value beyond the sight..." and think it would come off marvelously if you just reworked the modifier that follows to remove "blight." Your ending is sweet and pure; I enjoy the trisyllabic rhyme, which is not easy to pull of convincingly. You did it here; both of these words arise very naturally, the more so for their bond by way of the Christian association in the first and the direct Christian reference in the second.
  14. A. Baez

    The Hollowed Out Moment 1.9.2020

    Wow! Very interesting!! Echoing Marti, an intriguing sense of stream-of-conciousness undergirded by intent. I can almost follow this poem from beginning, though, as is typical with your poems, this does require a fair amount of laser-focused effort at times. I do appreciate the areas in which you make this process a bit easier, and the relative prevalence of these points. Still, even in their absence, I found myself caught up in the sheer beauty of the sounds, rhythms, and potential/implicit meanings. I love the way you take familiar and familiar-seeming word sequences/expressions and break them up, reimagining and repurposing them, like rap. has a distinctly zen feel, conjuring "not-doing." At the risk of coming off as a pedant: What's the apostrophe doing in place of the usual comma in "10'000"? Is there any actual reason other than just trying to be novel? I found the sudden shift to "midnight" in S5 jarring. The title had led me to believe you'd be talking about one discrete moment; starting here, it appears you're talking about two. And can there really be such a thing as "rough downy softness"? Was the echo of S3's "rough" intentional here? Special pleasures: the close clusters of adjectives in Ss 1 and 3; the sequence of "un's" in these in 3 capitalized nouns and adjectives, to varying extents lending an air of figurativeness and greater meaning to these words, as in some of your previous work; at its best, this reminds me of Dickinson in a good way "salve of Association"--Great metaphor; so concise yet unmistakable in its meaning! Great sonances and onomatopoeia. But any reason for the irregular and unconventional placements of the dashes? "It or Caboodle"--Haha! "terpene tang" Such an evocative contrast! "Cinder-cracked firelit In"--wow! Such exquisite shorthand for that very special archetype of comfort. "borderless - Big"--Ah, there's that capitalized "Big" that I loved so much in your solstice poem, this time cast as a proper noun! It's so fun seeing recurring threads like this in your poems. Along with the ensuing line, a great ending; this poem does seem to be all about implication.
  15. misterpoet

    Winter Garden

    yes you can unhide it if you want 😊 and thank you
  16. tonyv

    Winter Garden

    John, you have to give people time to comment. I often don't get to comments until the weekend(s). Sometimes I go even a little longer! Would it be okay if I unhide it? Then I would get to it as soon as I can, probably even over the course of this weekend ...
  17. misterpoet

    Winter Garden

    I hid it because no one commented lol I figured it was too long
  18. tonyv

    Winter Garden

    Hey @misterpoet, why'd you hide your Lady Antebellum poem?!? Did you mean to do that? Lots of members have hidden poems. I din't realize that once they're hidden, the members who hid them can't see them; I figured the members who hid the poems could still see them and unhide them. I learned recently that it's not the case and am looking for a workaround. In the meantime, I might have to make a list off all the hidden topics so their respective authors can tell me if they want them unhidden.
  19. Last week
  20. misterpoet

    Winter Garden

    yes. it's been a few years lol and thank you 😊
  21. Tinker

    24 Syllable Challenge

    The Artic Unknown Nordic quest across the Artic's nival dunes, can only be guessed. The curious consult the Runes. ~Judi Van Gorder Prompt: nival = adjective, region of perpetual snow
  22. Tinker

    Haiku Fridays

    2020 #1 frigid fingers fight through pain to tap on keyboard for Friday haiku ~~jvg
  23. Tinker

    Form of the Week

    Haha, OMG how do you come up with this stuff? Hmmm, this form is pretty orderly for a lunatic poem. composed of 3 quatrains followed by a sixain meter at discretion of the poet rhyme, abab cdcd efeg ghghii
  24. Tinker

    Unweaving You from Me

    I always read poems out loud. Sometimes it is the sound not the words that set the tone. And I'm with you, I will edit a poem I wrote years ago, changing a word, adding a comma. My poems are always a work in progress. ~~Judi
  25. A. Baez

    Unweaving You from Me

    Tinker, thank you, and I'm so honored that you read it aloud! Applause, too, for continuing the metaphor in your comments. 🙂 I'm going to try out "artisan" in lieu of "personal"--I'll see how it strikes me next time I read it! It seems a poem is never done...
  26. Tinker

    the news slips off your tongue like hot soup

    Wow John, I was relieved to read in the reply thread that she pulled through, but the poem is very moving and there are truths in it that are not changed by the favorable outcome. Great insight into another facing death. I'm glad you have returned here to share your talent. Thank you. ~~Judi
  27. Tinker

    The Hollowed Out Moment 1.9.2020

    D_C, As I've said before, much of your writing goes right over my head but I always feel something from reading your work. This one, I actually got it. Been there, done that. You were writing what I have felt so many times. I especially loved Really good. ~~Judi
  28. Tinker

    Unweaving You from Me

    Hi AB, This is an intricate weaving of metaphor, form and amazing sonics. Read aloud it is resonant. Everything has been said and Tony is right drawing the comparison to the Silken Tent. Loved it. ~~Judi
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