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  1. Yesterday
  2. badger11

    The Narcissists

    Pleased you liked that word Tony. I'm attracted by little words that deliver meaning and sonics rather than latinate polysyllables. I've tweaked the title. cheers Phil
  3. A. Baez

    Home (a Goodbye to Wanderlust)

    I agree with your analysis, and your game plan sounds good. Now I'm tending to prefer your idea of continuing the seasonal (and/or wilderness?) theme in the last line rather than than inserting the siren element into the beginning. This poem seems too short to fit in both of these strong, divergent motifs, and the seasonal element is the critical one. Perhaps "the call of the wild/north" or something along those lines could be an appropriate substitute. Oh, a couple other things--I just noticed that your first line contains both "going" and "gone," which creates somewhat of a feeling of repetition. Also, I wonder if "when" is the best way to end this line--it seems on the weak side and I imagine something a bit more defined and less cut-off-sounding here like "days," to be followed by "when" or a similar modifier/s in the next line. As far as obsessions go, I'd say that qualitative distinctions between different obsessions can render their common thread virtually insignificant--indeed, in this case, the two "crazes" identified seem almost opposite in character. The more I, too, reflect on this poem along with the insights you've given me into it, the more interesting I find its conceit that a fascination with wild, cold places has been supplanted by the fascination of a (wild or not?) woman's warmth. If you are able to define this idea better (not relying on your audience's familiarity with your/the narrator's penchant for the former "craze"), this could become quite compelling indeed. Personally, I would find it an almost insurmountable challenge to adequately flesh out this concept in the amount of lines you've devoted to it, but you've surprised me in the past with your ability to fit everything that's absolutely needed in a poem into a corset-tight amount of lines. As far as obsessions being bad or not, I'd say that they become bad when they exert a blinding influence on the reason and an imbalance within the individual or his life, which obsessions do tend to do. I prefer to exalt the model of "passion," for I believe this conveys all the intensity of "obsession" without its unhealthy connotations. I'm thrilled that I've convinced you that this poem is worth the effort needed to push it over the top. It seems to me that the exertion would be minimal relative to the rewards gained, as you would thus be able to fully "cash in" on the good that already lies here, currently either wholly manifest or partially unrealized.
  4. Last week
  5. tonyv

    The Narcissists

    This is great work, Phil. It's very much to my taste. You do a terrific job "showing" and even seem to say so in L7 -- "I light a cigar for images say it best" -- and "fug" is a great choice, a word I've never seen before. Tony
  6. tonyv

    Home (a Goodbye to Wanderlust)

    I've had some time to re-focus on this, and I admit I wasn't completely satisfied with it when I showcased it. It wouldn't be too difficult to improve this. Replacing the cliche in L2 would be the first (and easiest) step. Aligning the metaphor in L1-L2 with the "siren" mention at the end (as you suggested) or dropping the siren reference altogether and using something that matches the seasonal theme in the first two lines (together with clarifying improvements to them) would follow. The poem has a bit to do with obsession. It includes a renouncement of past obsessions (the "wanderlust") in favor of a new love interest who the speaker seems to admit is yet a new obsession. The "obsession" evident in this poem and some of my other poems isn't indicative of something bad; it's merely a recurring motif toward which much of my inspiration channels. Thank you, again, A. Baez, with your clarifications and help understanding them. You've convinced me that this poem is worth some extra effort. I'll bump the topic when I make changes.
  7. badger11

    The Narcissists

    This gaudy thing bobbing in burlesque offers a bawdy dance and even mimes some teasing slapstick fun. Her tinsel dreams of screen star fame faded with the talkies because a Brummie accent was never posh. She strips without a blush. Hears the applause. I light a cigar for images say it best like a hard slap and through the fug breathe in my cunning schemes. I applaud my craft.
  8. bob

    Pyrography

    Cobbl;er and Family Mother and Child "Before There Were Fences"...2' x 4' x 3/4 "Birch plywood panel
  9. A. Baez

    Home (a Goodbye to Wanderlust)

    Have you made your hand physically available to her? Or are you speaking metaphorically, and if so, are you sure that the above goal hasn't already been achieved? Just checking. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Just make sure that if you do so, you eschew unnecessary hyphenation, at least. There, you baited your latest writing mechanics crit from me--satisfied? ๐Ÿ˜œ My email notification of this reply informed me that my scansion was one percent correct. From one to one hundred in this short a period of time, without any actual changes on my part, is remarkable--don't you think? ๐Ÿ˜† The flow is supposed to get the reader, not the reverse, but I'm happy to spend time with you on (almost) any pretext. ๐Ÿ˜ All right, I've learned from you backchannel that by "summers' climb," you meant the progress of the season. Probably in part because of the mountain/rock climbing connotations this reference has for me, and partly because it is surrounded on both sides by what to me are also cryptic references, this figure of speech feels abstruse. Oh! I was thinking that perhaps the afternoons were "frozen" because said love interest was physically absent. Sounds logical. Although the metaphor is used quite differently here, perhaps there is a relationship, after all, between the lure of an all-consuming, potentially dangerous love interest and the lure of a somewhat dark psychological obsession. The interplay between these different metaphors based on the same archetype could be quite interesting, especially as a love interest emerges in this poem as an antithesis of a dark controller. Hmm, I would still classify these abstractions as quite figurative. I'm glad you've expressed to me an interest in refining this poem to its highest potential and I look forward to seeing your next ideas. By the way, I also like your rhyme scheme. ๐Ÿ™‚
  10. tonyv

    Home (a Goodbye to Wanderlust)

    Yes, and here I am now plying her with abstractions and cliches in an effort to get her to hold hands! I've given it the old college try, and I remain hopeful that this strategy will work. ๐Ÿ˜… Guilty. I do apply a cliche from time-to-time. Your scansion is one hundred percent correct, but I haven't been tripped up by it yet. We'll have to practice reading this one together to get the flow. ๐Ÿ˜‰ ... has a lovely lyricism, evocative to me of the language of classic English romance novels. However, I'm not sure if "frozen afternoons" is also an abstraction or not. Technically, in terms of temperature, it must also be a "far cry from summers' climb," no? Thank you, and yes, it is a far cry from summers' climb. My "craze" (one of them anyway) was winter's frigid desolation (I've always preferred winter imagery over that of other seasons), and "now" even transporting to those frozen afternoons won't stop me from obsessing over the love interest. The following lines are direct, immediate, and appealing, with interesting overtones--recast in brighter notes--of your previous "Siren" poem. But by the last line, I'm finding myself wishing for more cohesion in all the poem's imagery. Particularly, you allude to "that siren's song" in the end, and it would seem natural, since you refer to it as though it is something that you've already mentioned, to carve this motif out more explicitly in the first two lines. This way, the poem would all tie neatly together, end to beginning, and this could be a way of sidestepping the confusion that I felt in the second line. I was thinking that this poem, though not a Siren Part 2, should follow the Siren series (hopefully a Siren part 2 & 3 to follow soon) if included in a chapbook or other arrangement. Thank you for your meaningful input. I hope I cleared up some of the confusion re the abstractions. I meant them more literally than they seem to have come across.
  11. A. Baez

    Home (a Goodbye to Wanderlust)

    I'll be darned, there's that Lexi again! Last I knew she was just your friend. ๐Ÿคฃ I found to be unduly abstract (seemingly three abstractions in one line, and "far cry" is rather clichรฉ) and I tripped considerably over the meter here with its initial iamb followed by a pyrrhic and a spondee, at least by my reading: my CRAZE/was a/FAR CRY/from SUM/mers' CLIMB What craze? What climb? Why summers'? The climb sounds like it could be rather a craze in itself--like rockclimbers', while in contrast, "summer" as a metaphor typically connotes ease. Perhaps you are meaning to make a finer distinction here--that there are climbs, and then there are climbs? This line is followed by which has a lovely lyricism, evocative to me of the language of classic English romance novels. However, I'm not sure if "frozen afternoons" is also an abstraction or not. Technically, in terms of temperature, it must also be a "far cry from summers' climb," no? The following lines are direct, immediate, and appealing, with interesting overtones--recast in brighter notes--of your previous "Siren" poem. But by the last line, I'm finding myself wishing for more cohesion in all the poem's imagery. Particularly, you allude to "that siren's song" in the end, and it would seem natural, since you refer to it as though it is something that you've already mentioned, to carve this motif out more explicitly in the first two lines. This way, the poem would all tie neatly together, end to beginning, and this could be a way of sidestepping the confusion that I felt in the second line.
  12. tonyv

    Antarctica (to Robert Frost)

    Thank you, Phil, for revisiting with the encouraging remarks. We had been talking about making it regular, of adding even more weight to the line by using five ordinary iambs. I haven't finished pondering this and will give it some more time. Mentally, I need time to even get to it lol. Tony
  13. tonyv

    Home (a Goodbye to Wanderlust)

    Thanks, Phil, for taking a look and for the kind remarks. Yes, that theme seems to have surfaced on the forum a few times lately. ๐Ÿ˜„ My first working title was just "Wanderlust," but as the poem took shape, being short and all, I could see the title needed to work harder to help with context and the direction the poem was taking. I like what you've said about it having the right measured pitch. Together with the dedication (also doing double-duty re context and pitch) it's almost like an additional line for the poem. Perhaps, too many. What's that "definition" of insanity, doing the same thing over and over each time expecting a different result? ๐Ÿคฃ How well-expressed -- thank you for that one! I like that one, too! With appreciation, Tony
  14. badger11

    Home (a Goodbye to Wanderlust)

    hi Tony I see a vein of hand anchorage in the poem! I was going to suggest shortening the title to Goodbye to Wanderlust, but on reflection Home is a key need in this and the title has the right measured pitch - how many goodbyes have there been๐Ÿ˜€. Agree, being alive is not seeking ideals, lost in internalised landscapes, and yes these are often a youthful craze (especially like the sonics in L2 by the way). Of course, and being human, there's always a worm in wisdom despite the assertion otherwise. enjoyed Phil
  15. Home (a Goodbye to Wanderlust) --for Lexi A decade gone--no going back to when my craze was a far cry from summers' climb. Now, frozen afternoons cannot contrive to be enough; I'm thinking, all the time, about you. Hold my hand! Let's be alive! And I won't hear that siren song again.
  16. Earlier
  17. badger11

    Poetry In Public

    I have a poem appearing here https://poetryinpublic.co.uk/a-reluctant-dog-dutiful-owners-phil-wood/ all the best Phil
  18. badger11

    Pentre Village (revised)

    Thank you very much for your close reading and engagement David. You have your finger on the pulse. A poem comes alive with such a reading/reader. take care Phil
  19. David W. Parsley

    Pentre Village (revised)

    Hey, badge, I got here too late to make any impact on this very fine poem, except to say I endorse all your choices! Exquisite use of synecdoche and metonymy, as already mentioned, but I just have to say it myself: "bible of floods", the idling wish list, and I suspect Greenfly Gravity as well. But you are up to your old tricks, my friend, and I see significant plays on word as well as a broad symbolism alluding to the arriving plagues of Climate Change: drought as well as flood; a soggy demise for denizens of our "village" (the world, of course, but only because I know who is writing this) who are not situated to cope effectively (Be ready for Climate Change refugees and the demise of creatures who can not even participate in that desperate play - welcome to the Sixth Great Mass Extinction!); even our simplest wishes are being shelved, hopefully just in abeyance (idling) till this latest plague blows over. Perhaps our hardened hearts have prevented us, like the Pharaoh of Exodus, from answering the clarion call of science speaking with the voice of threatened and perishing peoples of every genus and species, translating out for us with arithmetic precision the data-driven cry of Earth itself, "Let my people go." Biblical indeed! And all this quietly happening in a little corner of that self-same Earth, with the poet musing about neighbors and villages, honeydew and a few slugs. I think I need to sit down for a while. Thanks (I think!), - David
  20. tonyv

    Dragonfly

    Barry, this is unbelievably good. It's in tune with environmental concerns but doesn't come across as preachy. The poem is immediately striking with the appearance of The ghost of a rainforest with the last fires of a bonsai sun in its eyes, a novel and memorable image. It is all exceptionally good, especially the first sentence of the second paragraph and the references to "distant kings who caress darkness." Excellent work. Tony
  21. tonyv

    Crossing Over

    This is awesome, Judi! I was expecting a poem about passing away and smiled instead from start to finish. I love how you depict life in that town using "Main Street" images and the passage of time. The narrative is conversational, but not to the extreme, so as to not lose poetic effect. Excellent work! I think I could get used to it. I would probably stay till I run out of money or they run out of tacos! ๐ŸŒฎ Tony PS -- Happy July 4th weekend! ๐ŸŽ†๐ŸŽ‡
  22. tonyv

    Clouds

    Interesting observation, Phil.
  23. tonyv

    Clouds

    Judi, this one's concise. I like that it doesn't dwell on current events, rather the mention in L2 (15 percent or one out of six lines) seems almost incidental; the poem's mood works when applied to other circumstance, whichever might be affecting the reader, also. I also like "Look above the clouds." There can be storms below, but aircraft pilots and passengers see a different view. Nice work! Tony
  24. eclipse

    Dragonfly

    The ghost of a rainforest with the last fires of a bonsai sun in its eyes lays down on the pond, the moon is caught between the wings of a limbata dragonfly one of Singapore's sons. Clouds run blindly for a non existent train they detect yellow markings reflected on water and the urge to protect a rare dragonfly. Whose hands guide the synthetic sun as concrete is poured tonne by tonne, mine the cache in the limbatas eyes of black, hushed cries from the light of dying stars. Drumming wings dipped in fire inaudible to distant kings who caress darkness, they are ordained to bring desecration to rainforests, gold tears are loaned from melting crowns.
  25. A. Baez

    Trees in Public Places

    Thanks, Judi, your feedback is so heartening! I'm glad you picked up on the linked stanza rhyme pattern--I love it when my sneaky little details are noticed and I'm glad to learn the official term for this one.
  26. Tinker

    Crossing Over

    Hi Phil, cross walk is the path designated by white painted lines on the asphalt where pedestrians walk across a road usually from corner to corner. Since i have remained a resident of this area for 57 years, I too prefer a slower pace. Though, admittedly when I visit Mexico where my husband spends a lot of his time on our boat, the even slower pace has me climbing the walls with boredom after only a few days. ~~Judi
  27. badger11

    Crossing Over

    Hi Judi, As you can imagine, I enjoyed the perspective of a local, the gradual change of outside on inside, the voice of the local in behaviours. I'm not familiar with the American term crosswalk. It is an effective image in your poem. I liked the sense of defiant ownership with how the road is crossed as opposed to the regulated tourists. These is a sense of independence there, individuality.. I believe in slowtime rather than the rush, but that's me. all the best Phil
  28. Tinker

    Crossing Over

    Crossing OverThere are five crosswalksstriped on the roadsof my little village.Four at the four-way stopin the middle of townand one as one entersfrom the east. Thatโ€™s where the tourists come from.Neither north nor southallows that cautionand the western entrance, coming down off the mountain,is at the four-way stop,that's my way in. Regular visitors saunter within the linesand locals cross where ever we want.Heck, it's our town.The white paint is wornbut visible. One stop signlazily leans to one side. A drunkmust have hit it at onetime or another. In ourtwo block-long watering hole,we have five restaurants, threeof which have full bars, the others serve beer and wine.I remember when there wereno crosswalks painted hereand only three dining halls. Iโ€™m told one had a brothel upstairs, but that was before my time. We are moving forward through the 20th century slowly.Someday we may even cross overinto the 21st. ~~Judi Van Gorder
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