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      Blogs   05/01/2017

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Tinker

unidentified

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This poem was simply written as an example poem to demonstrate the frame of a Nonet. However at dedalus' suggestion I am placing it here in the workshop to be examined as potential for a poetic piece without reference to a prescribed form. I am flattered since the content truly grew from playing around with words until I came up with 9 syllables that sounded like they made a little sense, the poem grew from there. So have at it anyone who wants to play with this. I will keep the original for the example it was written to be. But if we can turn this into a real poem I am open to any and all suggestions. This could be fun since I have no investment in the content other than my imagination.

 

(To clarify that last statement, often when I write, I am invested in the content, I have lived it, it is a part of me and to be told by someone who has not lived it to make changes is like being told to make changes to myself. But in a piece such as this, there is no part of me here other than my skills as a writer which I am still trying to develop. This is playing with words for the best sonics, the best visual, the best impact I can create.)

 

Thanks, ~~Tink

 

unidentified

 

tangled tight within brush and brambles

crusted in grit and crushed dead leaves

in a rotting pile of trash

the color of grey brown

a skeletal hand

still and lifeless

suddenly

flinches.

Once

---------- ---Judi Van Gorder

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flimsy,

brittle and soft -

somber, yet realitivity at its best.

i walk alone in a queiet forresst.

i wake in a ocean arrayed in blue

vastness in every scope

depth and attitude.

looking for truth in every domain.

every angle holds darkness

yet light beacons and pertrudes everywhere!

Edited by Larsen M. Callirhoe

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Hey, this works. I like it!

Was November 13th a Friday by any chance?

 

I'll have to think about this and probably try the form before I can comment.

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flimsy,

brittle and soft -

somber, yet realitivity at its best.

i walk alone in a queiet forresst.

i wake in a ocean arrayed in blue

vastness in every scope

depth and attitude.

looking for truth in every domain.

every angle holds darkness

yet light beacons and pertrudes everywhere!

 

Hi Victor, Sorry for the long delay in replying. I kind of posted my poem with it challenge and then abandonned it here. I actually like what you came up with. The imagery of walking alone in a quiet forest and waking in an ocean was intriguing. And the painting of light beacons stabbing through the darkness is vivid. This imagery is a departure from your usual writing and I love that something I wrote may have helped you step out of the box into unfamiliar territory. You handled it quite well. Thanks for tinkering with this.

 

~~Tink

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Hey, this works. I like it!

Was November 13th a Friday by any chance?

 

I'll have to think about this and probably try the form before I can comment.

 

 

Hi Gatekeeper, Thanks it was fun word play. I love that someone is willing to try a verse form from my research. As far as comment, the whole reason for posting here was to step away from the form. I have really done nothing with the poem since posting here but I haven't given up on it. I think I originally wrote the poem around Halloween which probably influenced the focus. Play all you want with this.

 

~~Tink

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This actually isn't bad as is, I think. I would say, however, that line 2 looks a little off. Perhaps a shift in wording or something to bring it into alignment. On the other hand the last line was very punchy and well done. I liked that part of the poem best.

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