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Tinker

Flutterby Rose

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Tinker

Path to Stillness

"Be still and know I am God."
                          Psalms 46:10

Framed by glossy
leaves dipped in Merlot,
the corolla curves like the flounce
at the bottom of a prom gown.
And from the sculpted flutters,
edged with a brush of crimson,
shadows and swells wash
from mustard to pale sunshine.
A smear of red stains the back
of one imperfect petal as if a pricked finger
had reached out and stroked
its buttery surface.
At the hub golden nubs
spread open releasing a gentle sweetness
in invitation
to the stillness I seek.

Flutterby Rose (original)

"Be still and know I am God."
                            Psalms 46:10

Edged with a brush of crimson,
the corolla curves like the flounce
at the bottom of a prom gown
and from the sculpted flutters,
shadows and wells deepen
from ripe yellow to subdued ochre.
A smear of red, stains the back
of one imperfect petal as if a pricked finger
had reached out and stroked
its soft surface.
A faint fresh scent floats gently
in seductive invitation
and tiny pistils with golden nubs
spread open to their center.
Framed by glossy green leaves dipped in wine,
in this moment, it is my path to stillness.
                               -- Judi Van Gorder

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tonyv

What lovely imagery! The corolla (had to look that one up icon_smile.gif )/prom dress similie delights, and this part makes quite and impact:

From the sculpted flutters,

shadows and wells deepen

from ripe yellow to subdued ochre,

a smear of red stains the back

of an imperfect petal as if a pricked finger

had reached out and stroked

its soft perimeter
.

The ending makes it personal:

Framed by glossy green leaves, dipped in wine,

in the moment, this is my path to stillness,

and the epigraph supplements the poem perfectly by alluding to the source of the beauty.

 

Next to your Solitaire poem, this one is also another favorite of mine. Very fine work!

 

Tony icon_smile.gif

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Tinker

Hi Tony, Thank you for getting this in its roughest state. I have been working on the rewrite and took some photos this morning. Unfortunately the rose I used for the poem had wilted by the time I thought to take a photo and there aren't many open blossoms on the bush right now so I couldn't duplicate the poem's rose, but I got a couple of shots even though I am not the greatest photographer. I am glad you liked it.

 

~~Tink

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tonyv

Hi Tinker,

 

Funny that you mention including a photo. I was going to say, after my first quick read, that I thought an included photo would be nice (like I did with my Crocus poem on the old site). But upon my second (closer) read, I came to the conclusion that this poem is so vivid a photo was not necessary, so I omitted that part in my comment.

 

These lines are perfect, and anyone who has ever looked closely at a similar flower (the iris come to mind) knows exactly what you mean:

a smear of red stains the back

of an imperfect petal as if a pricked finger

had reached out and stroked

its soft perimeter.

But thank you for including the picture nonetheless. It's a nice supplement to the poem.

 

Tony

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JoelJosol

Love this descriptive poem and the soft transition to the ending.

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Aleksandra

Tinker very soft poem. Together with the photos ( they are soo nice ) makes a composition completely.

 

The revised version works better for me. And the expression Path to Stillness sounds wonderful. I loved.

 

The ending part goes so well and the last line hits and it is perfect end:

 

Tiny pistils with golden nubs

spread open to their center

and a faint scent floats gently

in invitation

to the stillness I seek.

 

Thank you for sharing this wonderful poem Tinker.

 

Aleksandra

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summayya

Lovely imagery! what caught me was the imperfect petal

 

I think, I think......

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Wistful Poet

I like the pictures that go with it. You should blow it up and write your poem on it Tink. That would look pretty cool!

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goldenlangur

Hi Tink,

 

 

This is merciless teasing - posting two fabulous poems! what strikes one is the sheer sensuality of the details of the flower. me thinks, for what its worth that this is one of your great poems in recent weeks.

 

 

I particularly love the build up to this moment:

 

"...a faint scent floats gently

in invitation

to the stillness I seek...."

 

Truly magnificent!

 

goldenlangur

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Frank E Gibbard

I've dipped into the archive works just a bit upon my arrival and picked your flower poem I am admittedly familiar with from elsewhere Tinker. I see you living up to your name tinkering (sorry to create the revision icon_lol.gif ) but thought your first effort was fine and an alluring bloom already. Frank

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