Jump to content
Poetry Magnum Opus
  • Announcements

    • tonyv

      Registration -- to join PMO ***UPDATED INSTRUCTIONS***   03/14/2017

      Automatic registration has been disabled. If you would like to join the Poetry Magnum Opus online community, use the "Contact Us" link at the bottom of this page and follow these instructions: 1. Check your email (including your spam folder) in a timely fashion for a reply. 2. After you receive a reply, use the "Sign Up" link at the top right corner of the page to create your account. Do this fast. I've lost my patience with people who use the "Contact Us" link to express interest in joining and then don't bother to check their email for a reply and don't bother to join after registration has been enabled. The queue fills up fast with spammers, and I have to spend my time sifting through the rubbish to delete them. The window of opportunity for joining will be short. I will not have my time wasted. If you don't check your email and you don't bother registering promptly, you will find that registration has been disabled and your future requests to join may go ignored. /s/ Tony ___________________ [Registration will only be enabled for a short while from the time your message is received, so please check your email for a reply and register within 12 hours of using the "Contact Us" link. (Be sure to check your spam folder if you don't see a reply to your message.)]
    • tonyv

      IMPORTANT: re Logging In to PMO ***Attention Members***   03/15/2017

      For security purposes, please use your email address when logging in to the site. This will prevent your account from being locked when malicious users try to log in to your account using your publicly visible display name. If you are unable to log in, use the "Contact Us" link at the bottom of the page.
    • tonyv

      Blogs   05/01/2017

      Blogs are now accessible to Guests. Guests may read and reply to blog entries. We'll see how this works out. If Guest participation becomes troublesome, I'll disable Guest access. Members are encouraged to make use of the PMO Members' Promotional Blog to promote their published works. Simply add your latest entry to the blog. Include relevant information (your name or screen name, poem title, periodical name, hyperlink to the site where published, etc). If you have a lot of them and feel you need your own blog, let me know, and I will try to accommodate you. Members are encouraged to continue also posting their promotional topics in the Promotions forum on the board itself which is better suited for archiving promotions.
Sign in to follow this  
badger11

Finding Magdalene, London, 1961.

Recommended Posts

revision3

 

Mary's wearing a child's smile:
her hair's a stack
of black with flecks
of wedding white;
her lips are as dry
as the Atacama sky
- or so the Peruvian said.

She straightens with care
her mother's Celtic cross
above the bric-a-brac,
and then she bathes
these pebbled blisters
on my wrist and back.
Like stigmata, she says.

Beyond the child's smile
I hear the slap of sea,
her rack of prayer inside;
next spring she'll walk
with the Peruvian,
find a blistered thirst
beneath the Atacama sky.

 

=============================================================================

 

revision2

 

Mary's wearing a child's smile:
her hair's a stack
of black with flecks
of wedding white;
her lips are as dry
as the Atacama sky
- or so the Peruvian said.

Faith nailed down
like that crucifix
above the mantelpiece
and Mary kneeling
to bathe these blisters
on my wrist and feet.
Like stigmata, she says.

I look away,
hear the slap of sea,
the prayer inside.
Next spring I'll walk
with the Peruvian,
find thirst in
the Valle de la Luna.

=====================================================================================

 

revision

Mary's wearing a smile
of a knowing child,
her hair is a stack
of black with flecks
of confetti white;
her lips are as dry
as brittle leaves
- or so they say.

Sunday she kneels,
offers a prayer, unclothes
her crimson pride,
bestows a lusting kiss
upon his crucified side.
I look away,
hear the slap of sea,
the prayer inside.



original

Mary's wearing a weary smile:
her hair's a stack
of black with flecks
of wedding white;
her lips as dry
as brittle leaves
- or so they say.

Sunday she kneels,
offers a prayer, unwraps
her secret pride,
bestows a lover's kiss
upon his crucified side.
I look away,
hear the slap of sea,
the prayer inside.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

the revision second stanza you revised this line "her crimon pride" which really solidifies the last stanza more than the line "her secert pride" in the original concerning both versions.in the second stanza.. i do feel the line"a loving kiss" works btter than "a lusting kiss" only because his body is mangled and she is adorning his crucified limbs not just lusting maybe the word coveting could work better there.in the lines somehow. i feel the take of mother mary is spot on., i have visions of mother mary and you described her to a tee. as for the second stanza you are on your way to solid gold one of my favorite poems by you. you certainly turn my cogs for sure and not all poets do that but then again they write poetry and are all not considered true poets.i hope my tidbits suggestions are suffice badger.

 

victor

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you Victor. perhaps the best way to answer your doubt is a poem by John Donne:

 

Batter my heart, three-person'd God; for you

As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend;

That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend

Your force, to break, blow, burn, and make me new.

I, like an usurp'd town, to another due,

Labour to admit you, but O, to no end.

Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,

But is captived, and proves weak or untrue.

Yet dearly I love you, and would be loved fain,

But am betroth'd unto your enemy;

Divorce me, untie, or break that knot again,

Take me to you, imprison me, for I,

Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,

Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in



Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.