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David W. Parsley

Marking the Day (rev)

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MARKING THE DAY

answer to Job’s lament, for protests from a lady I love Job’s lament, for protests from a lady I love

.

To well wish or utter the b-word aloud would defy

a cardinal, sincere constraint. Leaving no room

for alternate interpretation, you gain

my promise. I will not cheat. It is the day

I propose to celebrate, not you. The one

in which somebody wearing white emerged to explain

a girl is born and it was you making such din,

swimming your way to inquire beyond the womb.

Without it there would be absence, no lips or quiver

to contain my arrows, summon the me that is true

guided through motions barer than memory

where soul reclaims soul as wave across sandbar lingers

after journey through dusk, singing path of the moon, her

favored stars, mansions of illimitable sky.









previously unpublished
© 2012 David W. Parsley
Parsley Poetry Collection

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"swimming your way to inquire beyond the womb."

 

That's pretty darn deep. And very inventive.

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An apt title and a skilfully executed poem.So much to take in. Your lines are fluent and unlike the stilted lines I've seen in Mason's own examples of this form. Did I detect irony? -- "It is the day I propose to celebrate, not you." :smile:

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This poem is expertly conceived and executed, yet I remain puzzled in regard to the opening lines. It would appear to mark the birth of a child, a daughter, which cannot for some reason be openly mentioned (perhaps a child that the narrator does not have the best of relationships with, I thought at first, and could the b-word not be birthday? but the latter part of the poem blew that idea out of the water) and so one is left with the feeling that if there is such boundless love as the last few lines imply, why oh why must the narrator not offer well wishes or mention the b (for birthday) word? The use of 'cardinal' in one of its generally lesser-used meanings was a bold move!

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Thanks, Barry, for noting the levels, the connection to meaning.

 

- Dave

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Kudos to Ben for catching the playful tone in those opening lines. If you are determined to show appreciation for someone who does not under any circumstances wish to have the subject of Birthday come up, you simply must at least wave at the injunction on your way to circumvention.

 

Thank you for compliments on handling of the form. I like the subtle music of this rhyme scheme, often suits my themes.

 

- Dave

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dc, badger, the line you cited as providing a connection for you, is possibly my favorite from the poem, though I am terribly partial to the closers, too. Thanks for sharing the resonance.

 

- Dave

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Brendan, you did me a very fine service in pointing out that I had removed too many clues for a sophisticated reader to follow the main thread of the poem. It originally had a sub-title which I have now restored, hoping that will provide sufficient clarification to better explicate the first level of meaning. You are absolutely correct in divining that the b-word is "birthday" (now look what you've done - I have gone and "said" it "aloud"!).

 

Thank You,

- Dave

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My dear young man, you have the makings of a genuine poet - in spite of your rather off-putting banker-like profile photo. I am joking, of course, but not about your poetry!

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Thank you, Brendan. No bankers here, just a humble engineer who managed to make Director. I use the picture for two reasons: to stop hiding behind a fifteen-year-old pic; allow folks who know me from my more technical accomplishments and lectures, to recognize the poet as the same guy (e. g. same image used for INCOSE lecture).

 

As for the 'genuine poetry', thanks for the acknowledgment of a peer. But it runs the same danger cited for an earlier poem: will the poem-as-a-gift be received as intended? In this case the emailed reply was gratifying, "I read it, I read it. I am not the same." I guess that goes both ways.

 

- Dave

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Hi Dave, I read this a while back and had every intention of coming back to reread to better take it all in and time just got away from me. (there are also several other pieces here that I put on hold but planned to take some time with and comment on when I can set aside some time) I did however make sure that it was properly linked to my description of the form. I might not have had time to savor the poem but I did recognize an opportunity to provide a good example of the sonnet form and snatched it. :wub: Thank you.

 

I have to admit, I initially interpreted the "b word" as "bitch" and was a little surprised because it seemed to be written in a light hearted vein. The word is used all of the time among women as a catty humorous jibe but not usually by a man. But then I read further and had to back up to reassess and birthday was the next logical word. Although why any daughter wouldn't want her birthday recognized by her dad is beyond me. but clearly there is another story behind this that is being left unsaid, leaving the reader with a little mystery. But that is just an added bonus.... I hear the joy and love that a father experienced at the birth of his daughter. And regardless of whether or not she wants to be gushed over, he plans to celebrate the memory and I loved experiencing that perspective through your poem. Thank you.

 

~~Tink

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Tinker, I am gratified by your election of this poem as an example of the form. Since putting the piece "out there" for review, I have been alternately puzzled, exasperated, and amused by the conflicting interpretations applied to it. But upon reflection, I think like the range of responses, sort of a Rorschach sonnet test. I'll share with you the response from my friend, who chairs a round robin in which I participate:

 

This is a fine poem. It retells a moment but lifts it to a larger meaning. (I don’t care if this is lover or daughter—the spiritual love is well taken.) ... “Somebody wearing white” is ambiguous: doctor, nurse, spirit, taking it into an unknown realm, which to me is a good thing.

 

So I should just go with the flow. For everyone, let the poem be about what works best for you!

 

Thanks Again,

- Dave

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Why is it parents never want their children to grow up and children want to grow up immediatedly unitl they get there and want to be a child again. of course i don't have any children. i wish i did, but life got the better of me. this is a beautifully written sonnet. i don't think i have ever written a sonnet of any type before. not my fortay. enjoyed Dave!

 

Victor

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Read it and loved it when you posted it, Dave. Worthy of the bump. Thank you for sharing this here.

 

Tony

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Tony, Dan (may I call you Dan?), Victor, thank you for your thoughtful comments about the poem. I am very glad that it made a connection with you.

 

- Dave

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