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dcmarti1

2 very secretive cinquains

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dcmarti1

Badger's poem "After the funeral on friday" prompted me to post these two. The title and poem's body seem to have no connection; the same is true here. I did actually quit my security clearance job of 14 years in a crisis of conscience in March of 2012. They are obviously self-indulgent.

 

#1 is a syllabic cinquain: 2/4/6/8/2/8/6/4/2

 

Leaving the military industrial complex job of 14 years - 1

 

Two bean

and tomato

sauce chili that must last

for the next three suppers, at least.

Garlic

and red pepper flakes were added.

Salad and bread are still

not luxuries -

for now.

 

October 2012

 

 

#2 is a word count cinquain: 1/2/3/4/1/4/3/2/1

 

Leaving the military industrial complex job of 14 years - 2

 

I

decapitate them

with summer glee.

Bloodless, they scatter across

wherever

I will be murdering.

Electric or pushreel,

I mow

grass.

 

November 2012

 

I am too cheap to do drugs and too inherently lazy to be self-destructive. Writing poetry is an outlet on a greatly reduced income from weddings and mowings.

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badger11

I like foodie poems and the heat from the chilli and visual heat of red pepper could perhaps act for warmth, though salad does tend to cool things. Just a thought.

 

badge

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Benjamin

Enjoyed the poems and liked that footnote, "I am too cheap to do drugs and too inherently lazy to be self-destructive."

Significant moments in life may often have negative repercussions but the (positive, therapeutic) satisfaction of writing poetry, whatever the subject, can also be addictive. :smile: Benjamin

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fdelano

My man!

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dcmarti1

You are my Bro,

F. Delano!

 

Yes, and of course, Thank You, Badge and Benji.

 

The comment about bread and salad was based on cost of natural foods vs. those processed (canned beans, canned sauce). Being under-employed, and all.....

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Tinker

Hi Marti, Interesting and captivating. Enjoyed reading these. Your poems are good whatever you want to call them But . . . .

 

Calling these "cinquains" is a little misleading since the definition of a cinquain is 5 lines and there isn't a 5 line poem or stanza on the page. There are many cinquain forms, the Quintilla, the traditional French cinquian as ressurected by Victor Hugo, Madsong, tanka, Clogyrnach, Limerick, Waka, Quintets, and the "Crapsey" Cinquain which is what you are loosely using. I'm not being critical, just curiously technical. As you know I'm a little hung up on terminology. Probably because there is so much misuse of language out there and it makes it difficult to weed through the maize. You are such a talented writer that when reading your stuff, a novice could take your words as expert and wrongfully think either that a cinquain was a 9 line poem or just the name for the form you present.

 

I see what you are doing in both poems and why you would loosly connect this to the Cinquain initially. In each poem you link 2 "Crapsey"Cinquains eliminating one 2 syllable line which really makes this a 9 line poem and not 2 cinquains at all. But I recognize the form because of the syllable count in the first 5 lines of the first poem.

 

Is the "word count cinquain" your teminology or did you get that from somewhere else? The Crapsey cinquain does use syllable count which obviously you know by example of your first poem. 2-4-6-8-2, 22 syllables in all for each cinquain. By eliminating a line to link the 2 halves and switching to words from syllables, you really take the 2nd poem it out of the realm of even the Crapsey Cinquain.

 

Do I sound uptight or what? LOL, just ignore the above but I am leaving it here in the thread, just to get my point across to others who might be led astray by the terminology used. Clearly it is a rainy day and I am stuck in the house with nothing to do but clean it. :wub: I'm trying to avoid that at all cost.

 

~~Tink.


~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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dcmarti1

Oh! Just saw the questions. I saw another site (now I don't remember where) that had "double conquains": 2/4/6/8/2/8/6/4/2 That is the first one.

 

The second one is "sort of" an invention. I saw a cinquain definition of 1,2,3,4,1 words. So, I linked two and, you're right, eliminated one line for 1,2,3,4,1,4,3,2,1.

 

Where I saw these "double cinquains" I may have to get back to you.......Mea culpa. :)

 

 

Added after initial submit: yes, wikipedia defines something called a "butterfly conquain" in which one line is eliminated.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cinquain

 

That is where I got the idea for the butterfly "word count" one.

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