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Poetry Magnum Opus
badger11

A gull is lost in rain

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badger11

revision2

 

membrane slashed shell cracks
hunger is born again
nest clinging in cleft of chalk cliff

a fledgling pulsing ghosted
for flight blood threading to wing
in feathered strain slap and smack

of waves claw of wind glides
beyond spray weathered hard rain
above screech and beak circling

weary beckoning sullen rock
spiraling closer that final nest
ever closer that kiss of rest

 

================================================================================

 

revision1

 

Always a beginning.
Nest clinging

in a cleft
of chalk cliff.

And then
membrane

slashed, the shell
cracked

and hunger
is born again.

Always a beginning.
A fledgling

pulsed, ghosted
for flight

blood line threaded
to wing

in feathered strain
that slap

of waves
that claw of wind.

Always a beginning
gliding

through salted spray
weathered

above the screech
and beak

drawn to sullen
rock

circling, spiraling
closer

ever closer
that kiss of rest

 

that final

nest.

 

 

===========================================================================

 

original

 

blood line fractured shell cracks
a fledgling untethered ghosted
with flight pulsing memory to wing
in feathered strain slap and smack

of waves whisper of air glides
beyond spray weathered herring sky
above screech and beak sullen rock
toward white cliffs winnowing breeze

circling spiraling closer that kiss of rest

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dcmarti1

Very image and sensory filled. Its appearance adds to its pace but I, honestly, have just never been a fan of "visual" poetry. I know the title has rain, but to me there is almost a storm contained in the verse. Not a desperate bird, but a "focused" bird.

 

I don't know why, but "screech and beak" is a REALLY strong portion.

 

Oh, and congrats on the other poem being published.

 

Marti

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badger11

Thanks Marti. In light of your comments, I've attempted a more reader friendly version.

 

cheers

 

badge

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dcmarti1

Thanks Marti. In light of your comments, I've attempted a more reader friendly version.

 

cheers

 

badge

 

Now, for me, that 2nd version is WAY more reader-friendly. The short lines give it the same tension as the original. Nice.

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badger11

Thanks for returning marti with the thumbs up

 

cheers

 

badge

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badger11

I'll retain a version for all tastes :smile:

 

cheers

 

badge

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