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badger11

The Red Sled

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badger11

revision3

 

We stand in awe.
Our cardboard sledding now idle -
she'll be laughing at us clowns.

The runners script the hillside,
insist on the steepest route -
a scroll for speed

to that destined fall, body
tumbling into the snowman.
The lads race to help, cursing -

their black ribbons of words
blaspheme the stillness
like cawing crows in snow.

Only I am still,
like the snowman. Silently
we score her a perfect ten.

 

 

revision2

 

We stand in awe.
Plastic sheets idle in gloved hands -
she'll be laughing at our frowns.

Her blades script the hillside,
insist on the steepest route -
proselytize for speed

to that destined fall, body
tumbling into the snowman.
The lads race to help, cursing -

a black ribbon of words
blaspheme the stillness
like crows in snow.

Only I am still,
like the snowman. Silently
we score her a perfect ten.

 

 

 

 

revision

 

 

We stand in awe.
Plastic sheets idle in gloved hands -
she'll be laughing at our frowns.

Her blades script the hillside,
insist on the steepest route -
proselytize for speed

to that destined fall, body
tumbling into the snowman.
The lads race, unglove their promises -

a black ribbon of words blaspheme
like crows in snow. Silently,
I acknowledge a perfect ten.

 

 

original

 

We stand in awe.
Polythene sheets idle in gloved hands -
she'll be laughing at our frowns.

Her blades script the hillside,
insist on the steepest route -
hunger for speed

to that destined fall, body twisted
tumbling into the snowman.
The lads race, unglove promises -

their black ribbon of words
like coal dust in lungs. Silently,
I acknowledge her a perfect ten.

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Tinker

I want so badly to see this in my mind. The sound of the poem is crisp and fresh. I like it. I envision a skier racing down a snow covered mountain and ultimately a fall. But I don't understand the polythene sheets in gloved hands or the lads un gloved hands or black ribbon of words. Admittedly I don't have much experience with snow. I've only seen real snow a few times in my life.

 

I don't expect an explanation but my comment is given to point out that sometimes what may seem perfectly obvious to you, might need further description for the benefit of the dumb reader like me.

 

~~Tink


~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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MisterPoetry

I think this is just about blatant sex.

 

I read tinkers comment. That is why I commenting.

 

I like the last stanza the best!


misterpoet

 

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Tinker

Wow I really was off the mark if MP is right. LOL maybe I haven't enough experience in that arena either. Now I'm really lost.

 

~~Tink


~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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David W. Parsley

Hey badge, I have seen my share of snow, but I am as confused as Tink. The action eludes me, though I like the language, the possibilities.

 

- Dave

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MisterPoetry

Wow I really was off the mark if MP is right. LOL maybe I haven't enough experience in that arena either. Now I'm really lost.

 

~~Tink

 

i might be the one very lost. and i meant no harm in when i made my comment about you - i just got a different perspective on the poem.

but i'm a 28 year old male and my mind still drifts to certain area's.

 

the images remind me of two lovers in bed. rolling around and finding each other. the slops and skiing for me where the stomach and fingers.

 

the fall and tumbling into snowmen for me were like two bodies rolling around in bed, the skin white and naked.

 

The lads race, unglove promises

 

this could be the heartbeats...

 

Silently,

I acknowledge her a perfect ten.

 

this could be the afterwards. she was really good in bed?!

 

 

 

i don't know. not everything reminds me of sex, but this just had me reeling in the beauty of love-passion!

 

you though may be correct too!

 

we won't know until badge corrects us!


misterpoet

 

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badger11

Many thanks Tink, Dave and MP. The poem was not intended to convey any sexual acts. Those who can't afford a sled, using plastic sheeting to slide down the snow - that was my mind picture. I liked the fact the female was the adventurous one.

 

all the best

 

badge

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MisterPoetry

Darn. I hate being wrong! Lol!


misterpoet

 

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badger11

No wrong MP. I don't own the meaning of the poem.

 

Thank you for returning.

 

all the best

 

badge

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MisterPoetry

:ph34r:

 

i always returned. i'm like a ninja in the night! :blush:


misterpoet

 

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Tinker

Whew. It was snow and not having ever had the opportunity to ride a sled down a hill, who would guess a plastic sheet would speed the process. I do like the revision. I haven't ridden a sled in the snow but I have ridden a Flexie which is sled on wheels and skinned up arms and legs on more than one occasion after flying down the hill and falling off onto the sidewalk.

 

~~Tink


~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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badger11

Whew. It was snow and not having ever had the opportunity to ride a sled down a hill,...

 

~~Tink

 

There's always a first time Tink... :smile:

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badger11

And the latest revision scores a 10. Much more easily pictured in my head even without the discussion thread.

 

~~Tink

 

Kind of you to return again Tink! Me being me - still tinkering :smile:

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YarnSpinner
Well gentleman...I hate to sound that old but at 82, I have mastered many a steep hill in the mountains of Pennsylvania as a kid. We did have steel runner sleds, but for those whose parents could not afford one; (and there were some), we used cardboard boxes opened up so the sides of the box served as our toboggan-sled; one end being pulled up over our feet and held onto for handhold. Polyethylene sheets were unknown to us at that time.


As for girls on a steep hill, my oldest sister could compete very strongly on any hill that boys thought were too dangerously, wonderful to attempt. She was not a Tom Boy, but God-Love-Her-So, she liked a challenge, and did not flaunt it. Many a boy would cower in her presence. I enjoyed this poem and its thought (san sex) process. Many a boy had to "Eat Crow."


See WINTER ON THE HILL for a tale of sledding in Pennsylvania.


YarnSpinner

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badger11

Thank you for coming Tink! And thank you YS - it is always pleasing that a write connects to a life lived.

 

all the best

 

badge

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