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dcmarti1

Cinquain to the Theotokos

15 posts in this topic

I am NOT religiously orthodox, but I am just now "getting" how powerful imagery, metaphor, and allegory can be. And I have not written much these past few months. One of my lawn customers has a statue of Mary: all the color gone, flaking, missing hands, face almost worn smooth.

Statues
of Mary rot
in every rock garden
that has a rose bush and bird bath.
Amen.

Statues
of Mary are often missing
both hands. How can she hold
Her Son's body?
Amen.

2017_07_06_marynew.jpg

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Love it!   When I haven't been writing and  I really want to get back to it even in a small way,  I resort to haiku.... at least it is something.  I love the Cinquains especially the 2nd one. 

Statue
of St Francis
governs in my garden,
hummingbirds, bees and butterflies
welcome

Not exactly as thought provoking as yours but when inspired - write.(even if it is a little poem.)

~~Tink

 

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Thanks, Tink. I guess it was a DOUBLE cinquain, with the second one reversed:

2/4/6/8/2, then

2/8/6/4/2

You're right: just write.  :)

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Good question! Like that sonic thread of rot/rock/rose.

best

Phil

 

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If I can't find rhyme, I try alliteration, assonance, repetition, etc. Thanks for reading and commenting!

 

On 6/28/2017 at 6:24 AM, badger11 said:

Good question! Like that sonic thread of rot/rock/rose.

best

Phil

 

 

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Marti, this is thought provoking, and, as always, I appreciate any background note(s) that may be included. Since this belongs to someone you know, perhaps it would be okay to ask why the statue is allowed to remain in such shabby condition or even to suggest getting a new one ... Then post a follow up!

Tony :biggrin:

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Marti, I see a metaphor for eroding religious belief that the individual cannot bring herself/himself to yet remove from her/his personal Garden of the Beautiful.  A relic perhaps made more beautiful for such wear, bringing pathos and nostalgia, a path back to belief should it be determined desirable.  Including the picture is a nice touch for this reader.

Like Phil, I enjoy the simple phrasing moved to fine audible effect through rot/rock/rose, as well as bush (burning?)/bird/bath/body, hands/how/hold, Mary/every/she, and especially Mary/missing/amen.

Devastating irony in the repeated "Amen", with its aching message, "So let it be."

Thanks (I think!),

 - Dave

 

 

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On 7/9/2017 at 2:21 PM, David W. Parsley said:

Marti, I see a metaphor for eroding religious belief that the individual cannot bring herself/himself to yet remove from her/his personal Garden of the Beautiful.  A relic perhaps made more beautiful for such wear, bringing pathos and nostalgia, a path back to belief should it be determined desirable.  Including the picture is a nice touch for this reader.

Like Phil, I enjoy the simple phrasing moved to fine audible effect through rot/rock/rose, as well as bush (burning?)/bird/bath/body, hands/how/hold, Mary/every/she, and especially Mary/missing/amen.

Devastating irony in the repeated "Amen", with its aching message, "So let it be."

Thanks (I think!),

 - Dave

 

 

Well, Dave, I say, "You're welcome!" to that thanks. I certainly do not mourn the loss of belief in the virgin birth, but Mark 3:21 (His family thought he was out of his mind) makes their grief -one would hope!- more palpable.

I'm liking the new "Insert Media" option.  :)

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Not meaning to divert from your lovely poem, but I don't understand the problem with virgin birth.  We could do it now with existing technology.  Is God's technology somehow inferior to 21st century humanity's?  Just curious.

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5 hours ago, David W. Parsley said:

Not meaning to divert from your lovely poem, but I don't understand the problem with virgin birth.  We could do it now with existing technology.  Is God's technology somehow inferior to 21st century humanity's?  Just curious.

Beatitudes, yes. Virgin birth, no.

Parables, yes. Walking on water, no.

Jesus including everyone, yes. (EVERYONE.) Jesus curing leprosy, no.

Jesus capitally executed, yes. Vicarious atonement, no. (Blood sacrifice is simply barbaric & vile. And so is the death penalty.)

Water into wine? Not on this plane of existence.

WE, you and I, can still get along. After all, program management is in your profile, and for 24 years I was a doc librarian and s/w bug database administrator. Peace be with ya, bro!  ;)

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Totally!  You are a keeper in my book.  If you ever come through the SoCal area, please let me know.  We can swap stories for a while, take in some sights.  :-)

(Even though you didn't answer my technology question...  ;-)

Peace

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14 hours ago, David W. Parsley said:

Totally!  You are a keeper in my book.  If you ever come through the SoCal area, please let me know.  We can swap stories for a while, take in some sights.  :-)

(Even though you didn't answer my technology question...  ;-)

Peace

WRT to tech, US being able to do it now doesn't mean God would ever need to resort to non-standard procedures.  :)

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Now that is an answer worthy of dcmarti1!  lol

Touche'!

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I love it when a single image in a poem has tremendous power, like in this one's second stanza. Great!

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On 7/15/2017 at 0:54 PM, Michael Burton said:

I love it when a single image in a poem has tremendous power, like in this one's second stanza. Great!

Thank you, sir.

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