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badger11

An English Breakfast In Frenchman's Garden

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badger11

revision3

The dawn's dragonflies
skim across the pond,
the quick deft brushwork
dabbing points of light.

He spreads the crust of toast
with thick-cut marmalade,
his children unravel
a ball of knotted twine.

He watches their laughter
take flight around the ponds.
The water lilies gather
in Monet's eyes. He paints.

 

 

revision2

The dawn's dragonflies
skim across the pond,
their quick deft wing work
dabbing points of light.

He spreads the crust of toast
with thick-cut marmalade,
his children unravel
a ball of knotted twine.

He watches their laughter
take flight around the ponds.
The water lilies gather
in Monet's eyes. He paints.

 

 

revision

The dawn's dragonflies
skim across the ponds,
the quick deft brushwork
dabbing points of light.

A painter spreads his toast
with thick-cut marmalade,
his children unravel
a ball of knotted twine.

He watches their laughter
take flight around the ponds.
Water lilies gather in
Monet's eyes. He paints.

original

 

The dawn's rain shadow
skims across the ponds,
the quick deft brushwork
dabbing points of light.

He spreads the crust of toast
with thick-cut marmalade,
the children unravel
a ball of knotted twine.

He watches their laughter
take flight to the garden.
The waterlilies gather
in Monet's eyes. He paints.

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tonyv

Very lovely, Phil. It's like watching the master at work.

The revision works; it's more clear. Dawn's/ponds is especially pleasing.

Tony

 

 


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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badger11

Thanks Tony. Always pleased to have a tick for clarity!

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Tinker

Oh, Badge this is like looking at a Monet.  I see the landscape, I see the technique.  It is lovely and alive.
~~ Tink 

 


~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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badger11

Thank you very much Tink. Pleased the poem conjured a picture of Monet:rolleyes:

all the best

badge

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