dcmarti1 Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 Smoke from a neighbor's cigarette Wafts in through my window box fan. The crickets are silent tonight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 Hi Marti, I like the imagery and I read this like a haiku with too many syllables. I took it literally. It has the opposing image at the end. I like it. I am unfamiliar with Simenon's work and though I googled him I couldn't connect the dots. Then I read "imagism" in the tag and I was confused. It isn't like the Imagist poems I am familiar with. Maybe I'm over thinking this. Normally I would never ask a poet this but what was the strategy here? I think you are trying to communicate something that I am missing and I want to understand because I so respect your talent and skill. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcmarti1 Posted August 12, 2017 Author Share Posted August 12, 2017 7 hours ago, Tinker said: Hi Marti, I like the imagery and I read this like a haiku with too many syllables. I took it literally. It has the opposing image at the end. I like it. I am unfamiliar with Simenon's work and though I googled him I couldn't connect the dots. Then I read "imagism" in the tag and I was confused. It isn't like the Imagist poems I am familiar with. Maybe I'm over thinking this. Normally I would never ask a poet this but what was the strategy here? I think you are trying to communicate something that I am missing and I want to understand because I so respect your talent and skill. ~~Tink I was actually sitting on my couch and reading a book by Georges Simenon last night. My cottage has no a/c, just a window fan. No motive at all here, but I had listened to an audio CD course earlier and the professor had discussed William Carlos Williams and Ezra Pound. I took a sip of wine (I RARELY drink wine w/o food) and suddenly remembered Pound's: In a Station of the Metro THE apparition of these faces in the crowd; Petals on a wet, black bough. I am not equalizing mine with Pound's. No "strategy": there's no metaphor, analogy, allusion, etc. I then continued with the novel. (hehe) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 Ok so I read it right the first time. It is a literal translation of your evening. Sounds peaceful but the smoke would irritate me. Yikes, no AC in Texas? I don't have it either but where I live right off the coast in the northern hemisphere I really only need it a few day in the year. And I am very familiar with Pound's poem. His 2nd line is a repeat of the first line using a different image. Your 3rd line isn't the same as the first. It as I said in the beginning more like a long haiku. Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 The specifics key the reader into the moment Marti - reading a poem where the poet is reading too enjoyed Phil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcmarti1 Posted August 13, 2017 Author Share Posted August 13, 2017 3 hours ago, badger11 said: The specifics key the reader into the moment Marti - reading a poem where the poet is reading too enjoyed Phil Thank you, Phil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcmarti1 Posted August 13, 2017 Author Share Posted August 13, 2017 10 hours ago, Tinker said: Ok so I read it right the first time. It is a literal translation of your evening. Sounds peaceful but the smoke would irritate me. Yikes, no AC in Texas? I don't have it either but where I live right off the coast in the northern hemisphere I really only need it a few day in the year. And I am very familiar with Pound's poem. His 2nd line is a repeat of the first line using a different image. Your 3rd line isn't the same as the first. It as I said in the beginning more like a long haiku. When I moved back to TX from DC I had an in-law cottage built in the back. Installation of a free standing ac/heat pump would have been problematic. I COULD get a room a/c mounted through the wall and supported by a frame, just haven't yet. I culd get one of those portable, roll-around R2D2 units. I am just lazy. The "big house" has a/c. hehe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terry L shuff Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 (edited) I liked this Haiku even tho not the 17 sylables customary form . But it had line 1, set scene,,2, action ( the smoke through the open window.) 3, viewers first thought or response. Of course 5/7/5 is early 20 century western form. Original of BASHO circa 700 B.C.E. was Japanese. Short sentence, long sentence, short sentence. sylables are no part of Japanese Poetry or language for that matter. Thats why people are confused by JAPANESE. Haiku dosent have 17 sylables even when translatedinto English. Also all lower case letters and no punctuation. original , and I suspect even now Japanese Haiku Poets use pictographic characters. I try to find out. Terry Edited August 15, 2017 by Terry L shuff thought of more to add Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcmarti1 Posted August 15, 2017 Author Share Posted August 15, 2017 7 minutes ago, Terry L shuff said: I liked this Haiku even tho not the 17 sylables customary form . But it had line 1, set scene,,2, action ( the smoke through the open window.) 3, viewers first thought or response. Of course 5/7/5 is early 20 century western form. Original of BASHO circa 700 B.C.E. was Japanese. Short sentence, long sentence, short sentence. sylables are no part of Japanese Poetry or language for that matter. Thats why people are confused by JAPANESE. Haiku dosent have 17 sylables even when translatedinto English. Glad you liked it! I did not intend for it to ever have the westernized 17 syllables. I just wanted something VERY short. It ended up 8 syllables per line by chance. I had just listened to a short audio lecture on William Carlos Williams. Welcome to the forum. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terry L shuff Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 Actually I was saying that Haiku is difficult to always meet the standard of 5/7/5. in english. So when I see a poem of 3 line structure, I dont always assume that was the Authors intent. Sorry if I incinuated any thing more in my Haiku comments. I think that your poem .... conveys the a great snap caption of the the occurance and your immediate observation mentioned, reflecting your first thought. Thank you for that glimse of that moment. Terry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted September 4, 2017 Share Posted September 4, 2017 I would enjoy this serene evening. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David W. Parsley Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 Very Williamsesque in my opinion. Nice capture. - Dave P.S. Dude. Get some a/c. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcmarti1 Posted September 28, 2017 Author Share Posted September 28, 2017 On 9/4/2017 at 2:20 PM, tonyv said: I would enjoy this serene evening. Tony Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcmarti1 Posted September 28, 2017 Author Share Posted September 28, 2017 On 9/24/2017 at 11:39 PM, David W. Parsley said: Very Williamsesque in my opinion. Nice capture. - Dave P.S. Dude. Get some a/c. And thank you, too. The "main house" has a/c for mom, but I may finally get an "R2D2", one of the portable a/c with wheels. Maybe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelJosol Posted October 10, 2017 Share Posted October 10, 2017 Some poems are called fragments. Sometimes when they are put together, the linkage is not evident. You just enjoyed it for its musicality and fragmented images. For me, that's enough. I liked it for being fragemented :-) Quote "Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcmarti1 Posted November 5, 2017 Author Share Posted November 5, 2017 On 10/10/2017 at 9:31 AM, JoelJosol said: Some poems are called fragments. Sometimes when they are put together, the linkage is not evident. You just enjoyed it for its musicality and fragmented images. For me, that's enough. I liked it for being fragemented :-) And I'm glad -and honored- you liked it! ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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