Jump to content
Registration -- to join PMO ***UPDATED INSTRUCTIONS*** Read more... ×
IMPORTANT: re Logging In to PMO ***Attention Members*** Read more... ×
Poetry Magnum Opus

Recommended Posts

revision

The pages of Latin torn from primer books
give joy. The fire is ripe for warming soup.
The boarding school's long gone: the prize pupils
and teachers crucified. A classical text.

There is no soup. Homeless wander around
the Heritage gardens. The Damask roses
perfume the praying hours with colour smiles.
The gardener's mum brews tea over flames.

original

The pages of Latin torn from primer books
give joy. The fire is ripe for warming soup.
The boarding school's long gone: the prize pupils
and teachers crucified. A classical text.

There is no soup. Homeless wander around
the Heritage gardens. The Damask roses
perfume somnambulance and smiles.
The gardener's mum brews tea over flames.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"somnabulance"  really?   Of course I had to look it up.... you couldn't say "sleepwalkers"?   Just teasing but not only did I have to look it up, I couldn't, still can't, say it. Which made reading aloud awkward and the sonics of your poems are always like listening to good music.  

Now that that is over with,  I loved it Badge.  It is tight, musical, (except that word) and classical Blank Verse with a relevant social issue described in a way that seems not so bad because of the setting and then on the other hand the setting makes it seem sadder.  Awesome.

~~Tink

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for the nudge Tink. I do like the sound of the word, though I spelt it wrong! Anyway edited!

Pleased you enjoyed

badge

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Good revision on an appealing poem. I was curious as to the setting. In the original it could have been northern Europe -- it still could be -- but "perfume the praying hours" made me contemplate even more the notion that this takes place in the middle east. Two stanzas with a relevant/thoughtful, exotic title -- is there any surprise that this poem is very much to my liking?

Tony :wink:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in



Sign In Now

×

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.