Terry L shuff Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 (edited) Autumn is my favorite season Natures finest hour. Kaleidoscope of colors their No rival can be found. The rustle and the krackle of leaves that sacrificed. Their lives to beautify the paths We tread to see their best. The coolness of the air so crisp The early hours frost. Renews our spirit and our soul Anxieties forgot. And even in the winter months most bleak and dreary days. Call for Autumn's Encore To bow on memories stage. Edited September 17, 2017 by Terry L shuff remove commas Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 Hi Terry, Love the "Kaleidoscope of colors " and I too love the season. This is just my opinion so accept or disregard, whatever works for you. Its your poem. But if this was my poem, I would remove all of the punctuation in the whole poem. Then I would read the poem out loud and only put back the punctuation that is absolutely necessary to make sense of the phrases. Remember, the end of a line gives a natural pause. There are places you place commas and even a period that make no sense to me. This is a nice poem but you cut off its flow with so much unnecessary punctuation. In poetry think minimal. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terry L shuff Posted September 16, 2017 Author Share Posted September 16, 2017 Ok. I'am the student here. I'll try that method. Thanks Tink. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 Haha, with poetry we are all continually learning and growing. We are all students. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terry L shuff Posted September 17, 2017 Author Share Posted September 17, 2017 good advice tink, thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Coffman Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 I see Tinker's comments re: punctuation, but I'll add a few ideas here. With the seasonal emphasis, this relates well to the tradition of Haiku, yet extended in length. The spirit is there. If that is what you're striving for or a free verse base of short line tendencies (although almost all free verse ends up as grammatical units and cadences: word, phrase, clause), How about an even more minimalist approach -- a la Haiku and the Japanese forms. So: first line "Autumn my favorite season" or simply "Autumn favorite season"? RE: punctuation, I still think Nature's in line two needs the apostrophe for possessive. Then "kaleidoscope no rival" And so on. Compress the thoughts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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