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badger11

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badger11

revision

You close the gate. The grazers
look up, move on as one;
their wariness lingers,
so does our primal pride.

The track muddies these boots,
muffles our noise. Two dippers
skip rocks, a stream rain happy;
and us, on-lookers, too weary

and wet to hide . We find
in them a fearless joy.

 

 

original

You close the gate. The grazers
look up, move on as one;
their wariness lingers,
so does our primal pride.

The track muddies these boots,
muffles our noise. Two dippers
skip rocks, a stream rain happy;
and us, on-lookers, too weary.

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Tinker

Well this small gem will not be ignored.   Yep I know that experience, open the gate and step inside the cows or horses or sheep will look up then simply go back to grazing as if you aren't there unless it is feed time and you are carrying something of interest to them, then they come running.  

~~Tink

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tonyv

A thought provoking delve into the pastoral. I like this very much.

Tony

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Frank Coffman

I see the pastoral aspect also. Of course, the pasture invites that directly. Bucolic poetry is an ancient tradition. This one is nicely upbeat ("pride" "happy" "fearless joy" -- of course the joy is more poignant and the moments shared more precious because of the other element of ALL of our pastorals: ET IN ARCADIA EGO. Mechanically, I like the cadences and the use of the line breaks: especially after line one to make the pause before "look up" and after "dippers."

 

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badger11

Thank you Frank. I must admit that there was no intent at genre writing. The poem is the result of a walk.

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