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revision

I hear the buzz of bluebottles
bebop their frenzy round the bloom
of overflowing bins. You press
your thumb along my vertebrae,
unknot inventive anagrams
beneath the skin. Charts on a wall
map your intent. You hold my head
and twist the neck, that crack aligns
the spine. A saxophone plays on
my wanton bones. You knead. I ache.
I hear the jazz of bluebottles.

 

 

 

original

I hear the buzz of bluebottles
bebop their frenzy round a braid
of overflowing bins. You thumb
your blues along my vertebrae,
unknot inventive anagrams
beneath the skin. You hold my head
and twist the neck, that crack aligns
the spine. A saxophone plays on.
You map my back. You knead. I ache.
I hear the jazz of bluebottles.

 

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Ouch,  I can feel this one... oooh now I need to crack my back..    I had to look up bluebottles.  Cool new word for fly.  "You knead, I ache."  Yes~

~~Tink

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Yes, "bluebottle" is slightly removed from my vernacular, and that's why it's appealing. Coincidentally, this is the second time recently that I've encountered similar terms. In "Pierce Street" Gunn uses "bluefly."

I prefer the revision.

Tony

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