Tinker Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 Still in the grasp of the romance of the Royal Wedding. Tanka #5 Dawn silently slidesinto our sanctuary.No longer alone,our vows validate our love.As one, we wake to new life. ~~Judi Van GorderTanka Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terry L shuff Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 Nice one Tinker, Now I have an example of Tanka. I see I can link over,Thank you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted May 28, 2018 Author Share Posted May 28, 2018 Thank you Terry. There is an index in the Reference section that will link you to any verse form or genre you can think of and more. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 On 5/28/2018 at 5:05 PM, Tinker said: Still in the grasp of the romance of the Royal Wedding. Morning AfterDawn silently slidesinto our sanctuary.No longer alone,our vows validate our love.As one, we wake to new life. ~~Judi Van GorderTanka I like the soft sibilance of the opening, the liquid 'l' and the cut of the fricative 'v'; the mix of sensual and spiritual; the strength and renewal. A lot to be said for coupling! My one suggestion would be to drop 'morning' from the title since 'dawn' signifies time/beginning - made me think of the 'morning after' pill! Perhaps a new title title is needed and not just an edit? Or may be not. cheers badge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted May 31, 2018 Author Share Posted May 31, 2018 Thanks Badge for the confirmation and suggestion. Actually as a tanka, the poem need not have a title. And I was never happy with the title either. I didn't think of the pill, the image that the stand alone title suggests to me is regret or hangover. I don't know why I used it. I guess it was just so close to the wedding where there was a lot of celebration that I was trying to connect but separate this poem at the same time. I'll have to think about this to retitle. In the meantime I will remove the title altogether. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 hi Tink, The poem is better for me without reference to the 'baggage' of the royal wedding context. best badge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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