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Still in the grasp of the romance of the Royal Wedding.

Tanka #5 

Dawn silently slides
into our sanctuary.
No longer alone,
our vows validate our love.
As one, we wake to new life.
         ~~Judi Van Gorder

Tanka

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Nice one Tinker,   Now I have an example of Tanka. I see I can link over,Thank you

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Thank you Terry.  There is an index in the Reference section that will link you to any verse form or genre you can think of and more.

~~Tink

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On 5/28/2018 at 5:05 PM, Tinker said:

Still in the grasp of the romance of the Royal Wedding.
 
Morning After

Dawn silently slides
into our sanctuary.
No longer alone,
our vows validate our love.
As one, we wake to new life.
         ~~Judi Van Gorder

Tanka

I like the soft sibilance of the opening, the liquid 'l' and the cut of the fricative 'v'; the mix of sensual and spiritual; the strength and renewal. A lot to be said for coupling!

My one suggestion would be to drop 'morning' from the title since 'dawn' signifies time/beginning - made me think of the 'morning after' pill! Perhaps a new title title is needed and not just an edit? Or may be not.

cheers

badge

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Thanks Badge for the confirmation and suggestion.  Actually as a tanka, the poem need not have a title.   And I was never happy with the title either.  I didn't think of the pill, the image that the stand alone title suggests to me is regret or hangover. I don't know why I used it.  I guess it was just so close to the wedding where there was a lot of celebration that I was trying to connect but separate this poem at the same time.  I'll have to think about this to retitle.  In the meantime I will remove the title altogether.

~~Tink

 

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hi Tink,

        The poem is better for me without reference to the 'baggage' of the royal wedding context.

best

badge

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