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tonyv

Walking Away (2013)

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tonyv

Still, there's no one else who's on my mind.
I'm staring at the sun already blind.
Like when I'm on the net there's no one here;
I'm flying to the moon when it's not any-
where, in ecstasy, on ecstasy
just waiting for this beat to drop I really
need this beat I'm waiting for this beat
to drop drop drop drop drop drop drop drop drop.


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Tinker

Tony,  This poem is so out of the realm of what I expect from you and I  love it.  It is exciting, I felt I wanted to fly with you.  The rhythm of this is the dominant force.  It caught me and carried me.  The broken "any - where" surprised me but felt absolutely right.   

~~Judi


~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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tonyv
17 hours ago, Tinker said:

Tony,  This poem is so out of the realm of what I expect from you and I  love it.  It is exciting, I felt I wanted to fly with you.  The rhythm of this is the dominant force.  It caught me and carried me.  The broken "any - where" surprised me but felt absolutely right.   

~~Judi

Judi, thank you. I'm always super excited when I post a poem which, as you know, isn't too often. I'm glad you liked this one.

The rhythm is intentional, as is the hyphenation at the end of L4 (also part of the rhythmic effect). I'm so pleased that you think the effect works.

Tony :happy:


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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tonyv
Just now, Tinker said:

Yes Tony, not often enough.  Do you have any more hidden gems?

Unfortunately not, but I'm hoping to write more here on the site and that includes more new poems! (It's kind of a goal now.)

Tony 😀


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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tonyv

Oh, not sure if the title confused, but the date is part of the title, as in "Walking away from 2013," not when the poem was written. The poem was written yesterday.


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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badger11
On 1/27/2019 at 6:23 AM, tonyv said:

Still, there's no one else who's on my mind.
I'm staring at the sun already blind.
Like when I'm on the net there's no one here;
I'm flying to the moon when it's not any-
where, in ecstasy, on ecstasy
just waiting for this beat to drop I really
need this beat I'm waiting for this beat
to drop drop drop drop drop drop drop drop drop.

Experimental work Tony. L1 does bring to mind that lyric 'you were always on my mind'. L2 led me to read an inner blindness. The sun/moon are referenced, but the skyscape is inside.

best

Phil

 

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tonyv
On 1/28/2019 at 7:14 AM, badger11 said:

Experimental work Tony. L1 does bring to mind that lyric 'you were always on my mind'. L2 led me to read an inner blindness. The sun/moon are referenced, but the skyscape is inside.

Experimental. Hmmm … perhaps in some ways, yes. I wonder if it's the iambic pentameter? 😀

Thank you, Phil!

Tony :happy:


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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