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badger11

A reluctant dog and dutiful owners

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badger11

revision2

Not windy, but loud with rain.
Both wellied up, two umbrellas,
his black and hers polka dot bright.
The path puddles syncopation.

The sodden vegetation verbs
pitter patter tip tap pat pit.
A teenage code unzips first love.
They splash. They splish, splash, splosh!

The Labrador looks quizzical,
but fun is fun. She bounces in.
What does a dog know of why
the world weeps into mud pools?

 

revision

Not windy, but loud with rain.
Both wellied up, two umbrellas,
his black and hers polka dot bright.
The path puddles syncopation.

The sodden vegetation jives
pitter patter tip tap pat pit.
A teenage code unzips first love.
They splash. They splish, splash, splosh!

The labrador looks quizzical,
but fun is fun. She bounces in.
And this is June. The blue planet
weeps acid tears into mud pools.

 

original

Not windy, but a heavy rain.
Both wellied up, two umbrellas,
his black and hers polka dot bright.
The path a puddled solitude.

The sodden vegetation plays
pitter patter tip tap tap tip.
A childhood code. No one about.
They splash. They splish, splash, splosh!

The labrador looks quizzical,
but fun is fun. She bounces in.

 

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dcmarti1

I am a cat person, but I love that last stanza!

I am thinking that "wellied up" means those Wellington rubber boots/shoes. I also love vernacular. And the Doctor Suessian: splish splash splosh. :)

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badger11
Quote

I am thinking that "wellied up" means those Wellington rubber boots/shoes.

Correct Marti! No keen on cats myself, but then I'm a birdwatcher!

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tonyv

Some terrific improvements in the revision, Phil. I love all your changes, but I think the mention of acid detracts from an otherwise perfect poem. Perhaps just "The blue planet / weeps its tears into mud pools"? Just my humble take.

On 6/10/2019 at 12:50 PM, badger11 said:

... I'm a birdwatcher!

So, what's your favorite bird? Mine is the ... (click the LINK to find out)! 

Tony 😄

(Best Bird Ever!:happy:


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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badger11

Lovely in flight, but a little messy on concrete pathways!🤣

 

So much song for such a little bird:

 

Thanks Tony. I've edited the ending towards your suggestion.

best

Phil

 

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