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eclipse

Eulogy for a falcon

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eclipse

My falcon is laid in earth-

an astral tear he will arrive
when the moon and the angel's
eye are aligned at Heaven's
keyhole, the four seasons will
have their hoods removed and
retrace the falcon's trajectories
where they will collect my disparate
pages of sin.
 
When my falcon was alive briefly on
stage I was a king-in a dream he returned
with the moon in his claws passing over 
crumbling watchtowers. Tips of two arrows
meet, eventually a grieving falconer will complete
his final gyre to be reunited with a bird as it dreams
about the moon drowning in fire.

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Tinker
7 hours ago, eclipse said:
when the moon and the angel's
eye are aligned at Heaven's
keyhole,

Imagery, imagery, imagery,    

 

7 hours ago, eclipse said:
the four seasons will
have their hoods removed

 

7 hours ago, eclipse said:
he returned
with the moon in his claws passing over 
crumbling watchtowers.

The master!

~~Tink


~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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tonyv

Image-rich, as always, with delightful vocabulary. I like how the narrator has taken possession and speaks of the bird as "his" falcon --

Quote

My falcon is laid in earth ... When my falcon was alive ...

-- and of course, I take it literally. I picture a companion animal.

I like the use of trajectory. Usually when I see that word used it's during a duscussion about a projectile e.g. a bullet, an arrow, etc., and I love its application here. Nice work, as always, Barry.

Tony


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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David W. Parsley

Hi Barry, I responded to this poem in much the same way as Tony and Tinker.  Until the final three lines.  I wondered why the poem lost energy for me at that point, so I went away and came back to re-read.  The main problem for me is the tell-vs.-show word, "grieving" and the always-sapping word "eventually."  Then, too, the use of "a" seems faux-oblique to my way of hearing the narrative.  And "complete" is too neat, lacking in subtly.  Really, it may be just that third-to-last line that creates problems for this reader.

The whole piece prospers in a shower of startling imagery and diction that somehow communicate a fantasy tale that the reader knows is somehow about real things that happen to or near us in the tangible world, the ultimate calling of surrealist art.  The narrative and images connect to your other works without repeating those images and themes.  A most refreshing effort and pleasing to this reader's ear and mind.  I am also grateful for the touches of craftsmanship, bringing the work to your friends at PMO only after purging misspellings and grammar errors.

And while I am taking time to be grateful, I want to thank you for the added bits of insight into your recent commentary on works by other poets here.  It is appreciated more than you know!

Thank You,

 - Dave

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