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badger11

Robert Dudley - The Knot Garden

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badger11

revision2

No wifely tears to stain and mute
deceit. No court gossip to fret.
This counterfeit unruffled inside
his fragrant scheming. No regrets.

Design will pleasure her: these borders
of thyme, those beds of marigold,
will thread intent. One scented night
his wife fell down the stairs. He is bold.

He plays with royal pearls, unlaces
the silk from under perfumed bliss;
despite that whiff of shame, his lips
- this Queen must pluck his cunning kiss.

 

 

revised


No wifely tears to wash away
deceit. No court gossip to fret.
This counterfeit is safe inside
his fragrant scheming. No regrets.

Design will pleasure her and him:
these threaded hedges will enfold
intent. It was a scented night
his wife fell down the stairs. He is cold.

He plays with royal pearls, unlaces
conceit beneath the perfumed bliss;
despite that whiff of shame, a shiver
- this Queen must have her burning kiss.

original

No wifely tears to wash away
deceit. No gossip breeze to fret.
This counterfeit is safe today
inside his garden. No regrets.

Symmetry will suck from clouds the light,
a clipped hedge will sow the cold
with thyme. It was a scented night
his wife fell down the stairs. He is bold.

He plays with royal pearls, withers
conceit beneath the bloom of his bliss;
despite that whiff of shame, she shivers
- a Queen must have her burning kiss.

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tonyv

Intriguing -- I like this a lot. The revised version has noticeable improvements.   

He seems to have a lot of freedom. She has eccentricities of her own. I think these two are perfect for each other.

Tony


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Tinker

I love when history is revisited through a poet's pen.  So much told in so short a piece.  You create a mosaic with words.  Loved this, Badge.

~~ Tink 


~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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badger11

I wasn't sure if my revised version was too abstract so revision 2 was an attempt to remedy that.

best

badge

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tonyv

Thanks for the link. I haven't had a chance to read the article yet but will. It seems fascinating, and I'd like to be able to apply what I learn from it to my understanding of the poem.

18 hours ago, badger11 said:

I wasn't sure if my revised version was too abstract so revision 2 was an attempt to remedy that.

I think it does. I wonder if changing L7 to read

will thread intent. One scented night

might help also. And this is one poem where I wondered if I might prefer a contraction --

his wife fell down the stairs. He's bold

-- in L8. I'll return again after I read the linked article.

Tony


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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badger11

Thanks for revisiting Tony. I have edited for your suggestion in L7 and will give thought for that contraction in L8.

cheers

Phil

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