Jump to content
Poetry Magnum Opus
tonyv

Red Carpet Self-Portrait

Recommended Posts

tonyv

Cue the pyramid and sun (no moon)
like this a music video we make
You vocalizing to an Auto-Tune
and always jealous cuz your meter's fake
I'm the S in LGBTQ
Get on your knees it's time to say a prayer
I'm the TEC-9 pointed right at you
and this one gonna win a Pulitzer
You under ice and almost out of air


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Tinker

Wow Tony, this is a very strong, threatening piece.  Frightening really on the heals of all of this gun talk.   You don't mince around.   I would love to know the inspiration for this. 

Love the "S in LGBTQ".   

You are a master of the Rainis Sonnet.  The verse form is almost invisible and yet a perfect frame for this poem.  Strong, succinct, severe in its delivery.  Great writing.

~~Judi


~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
tonyv
12 hours ago, Tinker said:

Wow Tony, this is a very strong, threatening piece.  Frightening really on the heals of all of this gun talk.   You don't mince around.   I would love to know the inspiration for this. 

Love the "S in LGBTQ".   

You are a master of the Rainis Sonnet.  The verse form is almost invisible and yet a perfect frame for this poem.  Strong, succinct, severe in its delivery.  Great writing.

~~Judi

 

Hi Judi,

Not to worry, this isn't a manifesto, just a poem.  🌎 

12 hours ago, Tinker said:

I would love to know the inspiration for this.

It's really from a bunch of fragments I've had sitting around for a few weeks. It wasn't really going anywhere until I worked on it some more yesterday. Even now, I think it's a little more lo-fi than what I usually post. I'm thinking it could use a bit more production, some polish, perhaps some punctuation. Not sure. I'll let it sit for a bit. In any case, thank you, as always, for your kind, thoughtful reply.

Tony 😀


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Tinker

I wasn't worried, I didn't think you were to going to shoot up a mall.  Your poem takes the persona of one who could however.   

Reading it I noticed the lack of punctuation which would give it a finished look in my opinion.   I almost commented on its absence originally but didn't  because even without the cues of punctuation, I never stumbled reading aloud.   The line breaks and caps provide the appropriate pauses but it is a formal frame, punctuation would give it a polish.

~~Tink


~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
badger11

Hi Tony

Much the same response as Tink. There is a fizz of invention in there, which have a 'tec-9' delivery.

 

Quote

It's really from a bunch of fragments I've had sitting around for a few weeks. It wasn't really going anywhere until I worked on it some more yesterday

I can relate to that process. It's in the bloodstream now. Just something I do.

best

Phil

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
tonyv
On 9/2/2019 at 10:35 AM, Tinker said:

I wasn't worried, I didn't think you were to going to shoot up a mall.  Your poem takes the persona of one who could however

Judi, on the other hand it is styled as a self-portrait. :ph34r: But I love malls. 😊

Thanks again,

Tony


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
tonyv
18 hours ago, badger11 said:

Hi Tony

Much the same response as Tink. There is a fizz of invention in there, which have a 'tec-9' delivery.

 

I can relate to that process. It's in the bloodstream now. Just something I do.

best

Phil

Thank you, Phil. The fragments work for me often, but I feel like the payoff is usually better. Then again, I usually let the fragments sit a lot longer ...

Tony 💎


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
David W. Parsley

Hi Tony, I'm afraid everybody dished my comments so I will have to shamelessly repeat.  I loved the clever innocence of the 'S' in 'LGBT' - wish I had thought of it!  Agree, too, that the cascade of fragments makes for a nice fizz.  And, yes, the demanding form is practically invisible in your capable hands.

Aside: That really is my kind of humor and wordplay.  (I like to ask people how many e's are used to spell anything!)  Yours is more than whimsical.  I will avoid an exegetic analysis, lets just say I like the layered message of inclusion.

Cheers,
 - Dave

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
tonyv

Dave,

Thank you for your kind reply. 

14 hours ago, David W. Parsley said:

... I loved the clever innocence of the 'S' in 'LGBT' - wish I had thought of it ... That really is my kind of humor and wordplay.  (I like to ask people how many e's are used to spell anything!)  Yours is more than whimsical.  I will avoid an exegetic analysis, lets just say I like the layered message of inclusion.

I can't take the credit for it. The concept is actually ripped from national, even worldwide media/news. There are some people who have already added the S to the moniker, so it looks like this: LGBTQS. Since much of the population seems to be addicted to outrage, this has caused outrage among some people. From yours and Judi's replies, it has become clear that maybe everyone isn't aware of this latest story/happening. While in my own line it isn't part of the initials, there is that implied inclusion which I had hoped to contrast with the actual/literal exclusion.

Tony


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Tinker

Tony, I was not aware of any  news adding S to LBGTQ but I can see why there would be.  It is a movement empowering those who in the past and even today have been at best treated poorly, at worst, murdered because of their orientation.  LBGTQ is a grass roots movement, those empowered are the empowerees.  That in itself demands respect.   The straight population is not a part of that.  But the way you state it, it is supportive, at least that is how I read it.  

~~Judi


~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.