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Poetry Magnum Opus
badger11

My girl friend is pint-sized

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badger11

A winter's pace, the frost winking,
  my rucksack weighted
with your checklist. I trudge back.

Unbridled, you stride on. Distance
  defines us. At the top
you waving. Me frowning from afar.

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tonyv

First, re the title (the funny). I saw a commercial for a television show, and it went like this: "He's six-foot-three, and she's three-foot-six. Some people might say their relationship is taboo!" They're a married couple, and it shows him carrying her in like a toddler and placing her, seated, on the bar. That's the first thought that entered my head when I saw the title. But on a more serious note, there's a loveliness to the title I can't quite express.

Now, as for the poem, it's a lyrical masterpiece, a lovely read. Don't change a word.

Tony

 


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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dcmarti1

Rucksack.  😉

"Weighted with your checklist."

What's not to like here?

 

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David W. Parsley

Badge, I really enjoy the way the title plays like a whimsical grace note on the poem's narrative.  Delightful!  I confess to getting tripped up by "back" at the end of stanza 1 - I know there is an implied antecedent, but I can't come up with a plausible guess.  It does not damage my enjoyment of this poem's vivid simplicity.

 -- Dave

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badger11

Thank you Marti, Tink, Tony and Dave.

I promise not to revise!

best

Phil

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