Aleksandra Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 The maverick sorrels rob daybreak from the mountains. A lost image creates for itself a body from a few grains of dust. A long stillness… And now, there is only a sorrel a bareheaded man the barren desert and the sorrow of the dry spring that once blessed the sorrels with plenty. The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larsen M. Callirhoe Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 very dark gothic poem aleks. i guess it is the mood you are going thru. this is a very compact good solid poem. i like it. vic Larsen M. Callirhoe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larsen M. Callirhoe Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 for those that do not know what a sorrel is i looked it up for you. it is a herb. here is the wiki definition lol. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sorrel vic Larsen M. Callirhoe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 22, 2009 Author Share Posted May 22, 2009 Thank you Victor :). At first let me tell you that the poem is old exactly 7 years in Macedonian language. The translation in English I made in 2006 and now I revised :). So I don't remember the mood when I wrote this one, but I was pretty good :). Second my friend, yes you are right about what means the sorrel, but there is another definition. Check it out -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sorrel_(horse). ( the link that way doesn't work, so just put in wiki this: Sorrel_(horse) or just copy and paste the link in your browser). It is a horse :). Thank you Victor for paying attention on the sorrel. I am glad that you like the poem. Aleksandra The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 Hi Aleks, This is nice, I was immediately drawn into the scene because it is so familiar to me. The image is common to western areas of the US, Arizona, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas and even the dessert areas of California and I was wondering how did a girl from Macedonia come to write about such a place? You paint the image beautifully, I felt the stillness. Having raised horses most of my adult life, I knew what a sorrel was. For those who may not, sorrel refers to the color of the horse (red brown coat mane and tail without any black points) It is not a breed but it is common to refer to horses by their color, sorrel or chestnut, bay, gruela, palamino, appaloosa, paint are all terms used to refer to a horse of a specific color or markings. I've never owned a sorrel but I've had a black, a couple of bays, a paint and a gruela, and they were different breeds. A bay is the same coat color as the sorrel but has black mane and tail and sometimes black points at the hoof. Back to the poem, I loved the simplicity, the barron land with the lone sorrel who's color would make the horse blend with the dessert. This is imagery at its best. ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 Loved it Aleks! Stark simple images which create a rich portrait, I didn't find it negative, but rather the eternal return of life (either horse or herb) well composed well done, Dr. Con thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 22, 2009 Author Share Posted May 22, 2009 Tinker wrote: Hi Aleks, This is nice, I was immediately drawn into the scene because it is so familiar to me. The image is common to western areas of the US, Arizona, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas and even the dessert areas of California and I was wondering how did a girl from Macedonia come to write about such a place? You paint the image beautifully, I felt the stillness. Hello Tink. Thank you so much for your comment. And maybe you are right, I shared THIS picture once with Tony from one part of my land here, and he said that this picture of Macedonia looks like some parts of California. I'm glad that the poem worked for you Tink. dr_con wrote: Loved it Aleks! Stark simple images which create a rich portrait, I didn't find it negative, but rather the eternal return of life (either horse or herb) well composed well done, Dr. Con Dr.Con. How nice to hear such a nice words. Thanks a lot. I wasn't sure is the poem will have the sense in English language too. Thanks for reading it. Aleksandra The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 The shift from sorrels to sorrel is quite effective, Alek. It's a powerful depiction of the "before and after." I know this poem was composed seven years ago (in Macedonian), and, being so new to writing myself, I'm flabbergasted that you had such a good grasp on poetry that far back. I love the poem and your writing. Tony Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larsen M. Callirhoe Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 hi aleks lol, oops on me. i saw the sorrel horse definition but the last stanza made me think you were talking about the herb, "and the sorrow of the dry spring that once blessed the sorrels with plenty." this stanza above made me think you were talking about plant haveing no water in a dry spring (pond or small lake). dry spring in the english language means two things a dry season ir a dry body of water. the way you wrote the line it could mean dry season but could also be a dry body of water. the way you frazed this made me think of a farmer lol. in this stanza " a sorrel a bareheaded man the barren desert" this made me the stanza think you were talking avout a plains farmer because horse and man have nothing in common but a plant and man close to a desert need each other to survive. wild horses live in the wild and don;t need man. you didnt say whether the sorrel was wild or tame or i would have thought you were talking about the horse lol. sorry about the mix up my friend. i still think it is a great poem but dark even if you were in a good mood writing it.talking about a horse it still seems a dark poem because of the lack of water. vic ps. i had a nice time on my birthday. my parents, debi and jonah her son visited me. debi brought brownies and my mom and dad brought me two snickkers bars. i am diabettic so the packed treats can be eaten one every day. they also brought me lunch. they stayed and visited with me for two hours. i am looking to move in a nursing home in the state my parents live in an hour away from here. my mom got me a foreign music cd for my birthday. it is the hermes house bad greatest hits. it was 29 dollars at amazon.com. they also brought me a 12 pack of diet soda )cans) and a jar of instant coffee. Larsen M. Callirhoe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 22, 2009 Author Share Posted May 22, 2009 The shift from sorrels to sorrel is quite effective, Alek. It's a powerful depiction of the "before and after." I know this poem was composed seven years ago (in Macedonian), and, being so new to writing myself, I'm flabbergasted that you had such a good grasp on poetry that far back. I love the poem and your writing. Tony Thank you Tony as always for your kind words on my work. Is that mean that now I don't have a good grasp on poetry, only I had long time ago? Glad you enjoy the poem that you pulled your eye on " before and after. " Aleksandra The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 Aleksandra wrote: Thank you Tony as always for your kind words on my work. Is that mean that now I don't have a good grasp on poetry, only I had long time ago? No, Alek, it means you had a good grasp on poetry before I even knew what poetry was. But okay ... I don't mind clarifying or even saying it again. Tony Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 22, 2009 Author Share Posted May 22, 2009 Dear Victor how nice you are. Don't be sorry, it is happening in this English language when the words have the same meaning and the reader is supposed to find the right meaning but I think everybody can get the word like he reads the poem. The reader has the right on making its own sense, so don't worry ;). I have the same problems when reading poetry in English and when I translate it. You are right, the same happening is with the " spring " :). In my poem " spring " is used as a source of water. I think it is a little dark this poem too. The bareheaded man to mean means sadness, loneliness, a person without posterity, who stays alone, far away from the happy days.... I think somehow I make it closer the poem to the right meaning :D. Even I don't remember what I wanted to say with this poem - lol it has been long time ago :P. I am glad that you had nice day on your birthday Victor. Take it easy with the chocolates ;). Jonah now seems to be a big boy :). Enjoy my friend, and thank you for your comment and your time. I hope I didn't confuse you a lot. Aleksandra The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 22, 2009 Author Share Posted May 22, 2009 Aleksandra wrote: Thank you Tony as always for your kind words on my work. Is that mean that now I don't have a good grasp on poetry, only I had long time ago? No, Alek, it means you had a good grasp on poetry before I even knew what poetry was. But okay ... I don't mind clarifying or even saying it again. Tony Ah Tony, thank you :D . Of course I know what does that means :) . It feels nice when you hear it so don't stop saying it. It is not important how long someone writes poetry or something else. It is more important what is done. So don't feel bad that you wasn't writing then. You make now wonderful poetry so that is important ;) . Alek. The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 Aleksandra, Glad I read this. I liked the poem a lot. Like Tinker said, an imagery poem, and like Dr. said horse or plant, either way it works. And thanks for explaining the spring as source of water, otherwise, I first took it as season then the last line "the sorrels with plenty" sounds a bit problematic to me. Now it makes sense. Besides, I also enjoyed reading Tinker's horse story and Victor's birthday. Nice read. Lake PS: One thing I find interesting is that translations can bring something new, fresh into the English language. So when you don't have anything to write about your own, translate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelJosol Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 Aleks, the line rob daybreak from the mountains. I love this very picturesque line. The color of daybreak and the horse was a nice play. And the changed landscape was clearly described, as you introduce the line And now, "Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rhymeguy Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 A profoundly striking work! You have captured a stark and sad reality and a concise metaphor for so much of life. What was the inspiration for this piece? Was it your intention to combine the reality with the metaphor? I would love to know how this poem came to be. You have done great work herein. rg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 22, 2009 Author Share Posted May 22, 2009 Lake wrote: PS: One thing I find interesting is that translations can bring something new, fresh into the English language. So when you don't have anything to write about your own, translate. Thank you Lake for your comment on my poem, I am glad that now it is more clear after my explanation, which helped for the reading of the poem. And yes you are so right. My translations are new poetry in English for me too :). It is harder to do, but easier in the moments when I don't have inspiration to write anything - blank periods, like now :). Thank you Aleksandra The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 22, 2009 Author Share Posted May 22, 2009 Aleks, the line rob daybreak from the mountains. I love this very picturesque line. The color of daybreak and the horse was a nice play. And the changed landscape was clearly described, as you introduce the line And now, Thank you Joel for your interesting read. I like that you noticed the change landscapes. Aleksandra The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 22, 2009 Author Share Posted May 22, 2009 A profoundly striking work! You have captured a stark and sad reality and a concise metaphor for so much of life. What was the inspiration for this piece? Was it your intention to combine the reality with the metaphor? I would love to know how this poem came to be.You have done great work herein. rg Dear rhymeguy. I love how you read the poem. I think you got the right meaning of the poem, and the answer of your question is right there in your own question. I don't remember how I came to make this poem. But I know that in the past, generally I was making poems connected to someones reality. I was used to make general poems in free verses. And of course metaphors are my friends :). I want over metaphors to say about life and with that to give a space to the reader to make own vision about the point of the poem. In this poem the inspiration was some sadness what I feel about the lonely people who doesn't have anything, and to bring it up how the destiny can be changed and that we never know what is there for us. Now we may have many things, family, but who knows after 20, 30, 40 years from now, and how we gonna die ( in company of our loved ones, or alone without anybody around us... ). ...yes I had some old man in my mind, lonely and sad, while I wrote this poem. Thank you for giving me a chance to talk some more about this. Aleksandra The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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