Tinker Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 Reminders Outside the cold bites tender plants and shrivels vitality limp and black while inside thick walls, warmth rides acrid air fouled by smoke and the stench of sickness. A croaking cough emanates from the next room and I hang up the phone processing the news of a young friend just diagnosed with cancer. The season should be reserved for the old and worn. The sting of winter rests in death. ----------------------- Judi Van Gorder Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 A stark piece, aptly titled. It serves well those significant moments in life that may be triggered and recalled much later by a scent, a sound a touch---- or the mantle of a winter's day. B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fdelano Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 Reminders Outside the cold bites tender plants and shrivels vitality limp and black while inside thick walls, warmth rides acrid air fouled by smoke and the stench of sickness. A croaking cough eminates from the next room and I hang up the phone processing the news of a young friend just diagnosed with cancer. The season should be reserved for only the old and worn. The sting of winter rests in death. ----------------------- Judi Van Gorder Lots of life's truth here. Though I am old and worn, I long for a reserved season. I'm selfish that way. Time is a commodity that increases in value with the diminishing of its supply. Simple economics except for the one in short supply. Never cared much for winter. Thank you for your insight. Paco Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted January 15, 2013 Author Share Posted January 15, 2013 Hi Benjamin and Paco, Thanks for reading and responding to this slightly morbid piece. Didn't mean for it to be such a downer but like Paco, I too am old and worn and yesterday morning I felt it. Not my norm, I am usually more optimistic and upbeat. Funny how a poem evolves. I have a fragile plant in my yard which I know doesn't handle the cold well. Every few years our weather gets cold enough to destroy its beauty. A few days ago I noticed on one side burnt limbs and leaves and felt lucky that only the one side was damaged. I clipped the dead side and tried to protect the rest from further damage. Yesterday morning I saw the entire plant shriveled and blackened from the cold and it made me sad. I came to my office with that thought in mind and had to write it down. From there it took on a life of its own. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 Yes, quite morbid, Tinker. B's characterization is perfect: stark. The poem derives a lot of its strength from the outside/inside parallel, and the wallop from the phone call prevents the escapist from drawing more abstract conclusions. This is very good work. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted January 18, 2013 Author Share Posted January 18, 2013 Thanks Tony, your astute observation of the components of the poem affirm that I hit the mark I intended. This was a poem written in only a few minutes but each image and its placement was deliberate. It felt good to write something again even if it wasn't a feel good poem. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted January 19, 2013 Share Posted January 19, 2013 Characteristically unflinching and honest - in the writing a poem may take minutes, but there is a lifetime in the words. all the best badge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dedalus Posted January 19, 2013 Share Posted January 19, 2013 Ouch! Everything among the ordinary routines of life ... the runs to the supermarket, the people you meet, the sunlight in your familiar kitchen ... can seem so arbitrary and vulnerable at times. There is no safety, after all. Nothing is guaranteed. Quote Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dansalinger Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 the winter always seems to make me feel blue...even without the bad news...this poem certainly captures that mood Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David W. Parsley Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 Hi Tink, I keep coming back to this poem, never sure I'm ready to post on it, and I'm still not sure. Besides, everybody else touched on most of the main points already: the poem is bitter medicine skillfully administered and true. Still, I would like to step back with a more critical eye of the piece if you don't mind (chuckle, you have never minded before). I might as well start with a spelling nitpick: I believe you intended the word 'emanates'. In the first stanza, I wonder if it would not more cleanly move in consonance with the poem's bitter mood to place a period after 'black' and lose the easy 'while' as part of making the start of a new sentence on line 3. Then perhaps lose 'only' in the final line of stanza 2. That's the technical stuff. In the larger picture, I find myself wondering if the responses given so far would be different if the title and last line were gone. You would have a pretty complete rendering and even a sufficiently rewarding (stinging!) final couplet. Restore the simple title and a different complex is superimposed. Are all these pieces of the original narrative to be collected into a cohesive set of reminders? Of what is the narrator reminded and with what other memories are they linked? Now reappend the last line and you definitely have an augmentation of the "core poem." A somewhat perplexing augmentation. The sentence itself presents interesting ambiguities and leaves one wondering at the literal meaning. It stands as a stanza of its own, apparently the poem's summation. Its connection to the title provides a potential answer to the question raised at the end of the previous paragraph. Reminds me a little of Emily Dickinson's enigmatic endings. A lot to pack into a few minutes worth of writing, but I suspect these themes have been percolating off and on, over a period of decades. This was just when it chose to erupt into full expression. Nice! - Dave Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted April 6, 2013 Author Share Posted April 6, 2013 Thanks for reading and commenting Badge Dan and Brendan. You got the mood... Hi Dave, You know I welcome critique.... and you have given me much to think about. First things first, spelling corrected, thank you. I hate misspelled words in a poem. The rest I want to print, reread side by side with the poem. As I said earlier, I wrote this quickly while I was supposed to be working at the office. Some poems I dwell on and rewrite a hundred times, this one just evolved. I typed it as I wrote it directly onto this forum and then went back to work. (Its OK I am the boss but at the office I try to keep my Agent hat on.) I will revisit this with your suggestions in mind. Thanks again. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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