Jump to content
Poetry Magnum Opus

I read of your demise in the gazette


Benjamin

Recommended Posts

it's ages since I heard your name

paddled canoes in the same mill pond

then went our ways and ne-er the twain

until the crematorium

 

a packed house with no room to spare

and each of us a tale to tell

of what a bloody rogue you were

but how you always made us smile

 

some said you'd not amount to much

though I can't help feeling envious

of your energy and magic touch

as I look across the centre pews

 

that seat your smiling well kept brides

one Scot one English and two Thais

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Killer final line !!! Very jolly for an elegy but I'm sure "the departed" would have approved.

Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not exactly like, but reminded me of (for some reason), Spoon River Anthology. Clever construction. My obit won't be this neat!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Irreverently humorous, but so was he.. With hindsight... "No flowers please and just bright clothes!" Would have made a more apt title. :smile:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...
David W. Parsley

Hi Geoff, the shift to tetrameter well suits this light-hearted "sonnet light." Good combination of slant-rhyme and assonance with feminine and hermaphrodite rhyme, heightening the sense of surprise and whimsy. Cute and naughty, with just enough nostalgia.

 

Enjoyed,

- Dave

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.