• Announcements

    • tonyv

      Registration -- to join PMO   03/14/2017

      Automatic registration has been disabled. If you would like to join the Poetry Magnum Opus online community, use the "Contact Us" link at the bottom of this page.
    • tonyv

      IMPORTANT: re Logging In to PMO ***Attention Members***   03/15/2017

      For security purposes, please use your email address when logging in to the site. This will prevent your account from being locked when malicious users try to log in to your account using your publicly visible display name. If you are unable to log in, use the "Contact Us" link at the bottom of the page.
Tinker

Best Left Behind

6 posts in this topic

Another experiment in meter... 12 lines of dactylic tetrameter... I cheated just a little.

 

Best Left Behind

 

Writing a story of love and its turbulent

properties, takes me back farther than I'd like to

go. It's true time has a way of distorting perspective and

changing an incident totally void of propriety

to an event of which some deem acceptable.

 

You may have thought that this tome might be succulent

bringing out secrets too juicy to verbalize,

but---

telling embarrassing long buried, happenings

only suffices to dredge up what's best left be-

hind. With forgiveness a life can move forward and

mercifully bring us to happiness here in the

now. I propose that we leave it at that.

----------------------- -- Judi Van Gorder

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

An ambitious meter for a heavy subject, Tinker. Seems to fit, though ... Thoroughly enjoyed, from content to form.

 

Tony

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Another experiment in meter... 12 lines of dactylic tetrameter... I cheated just a little.

 

Best Left Behind

 

Writing a story of love and its feculent

properties, takes me back farther than I'd like to

go. It's true time has a way of distorting perspective and

changing an incident totally void of propriety

to an event of which some deem acceptable.

 

You may have thought that this tome might be succulent

bringing out secrets too juicy to verbalize,

but---

telling embarrassing long buried, happenings

only suffices to dredge up what's best left be-

hind. With forgiveness a life can move forward and

mercifully bring us to happiness here in the

now. I propose that we leave it at that.

----------------------- -- Judi Van Gorder

 

 

I presume that by "feculent" you mean foul/turbid/murky and not "full of dregs or fecal matter", #1 denotation which, unfortunately comes to mind more readily when ones eyes spot the word printed out.

 

This poem is deep enough for me to not want to say anything more untill you clarify this, at least for me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks Tony and WW for the comments. Oh my, the poem isn't deep at all, the word feculent fit the meter and clearly did not communicate the tone I had hoped. I did mean to suggest that love did have its sordid or turbulent side... Ah that is the word I should have used.. turbulent properties. I meant this as a tease, setting the reader up to read juicy details and getting nothing but banter instead. Do I have juicy details? Of course, but I'm not telling them now. You had to be there icon_wink.gif

 

~~Tink

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A turbulent, perhaps a dark but never a truly sordid side doth love have. There would be exceptions, but not coming from you.

 

The rhythm (you do not have a distinct meter here) is beautiful, tink, as I found, once I learned to recite a few lines by heart so that I could let the stresses vary naturally, speaking like a person would out of emotion and not according to a metrical tick-tock.

 

Never gave this a thought, but I compose vocally or, at least, subvocally. To do a form poem I choose some most simple starting word, that fits the desired foot (not meter), then go on and on, and only later change some words for better ones.

 

To say that a word that is not the best/aptest is preferable because of a meter is not good for the best result.

 

To see how words cling or separate naturally and not forcing syllables to take stress to fit a preconceived pattern is what scansion is supposed to show and what it does show that words used aptly and in apt order (as Frank just put it) create SOMETHING VERY MUCH LIKE MUSIC.

 

I read the first two lines as

 

Su Su uS \ uu Suu

Suu \ uuS \ Su uuSu

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am a little bit slow to catch up what you guys talk, but I do admire you for understanding and playing around with the structure of the poem.

 

I'm pleased to read you and learn from all of you.

 

Thanks Tink.

 

Aleksandra

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in



Sign In Now