summayya Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 With an extra beatfresh hope and joy abounding hibernate no more hibernate no more swim up to the surface- fresh waters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 hibernate no moreswim up to the surface- fresh waters. fresh waters drip from plum blossoms spring rain goldenlangurr Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 So good to see your name gl... I hope things are well. spring rain gentle drops of nature's awakening elixir ~~jvg Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 spring raingentle drops of nature's awakening elixir ~~Tink Thank you Tink. All's well and hectic at my end awakening elixir first call of the cuckoo dawn goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 dawn breaks outside my window while the sun sets outside yours ~~jvg Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted June 1, 2009 Author Share Posted June 1, 2009 dawnbreaks outside my window while the sun sets outside yours ~~Tink while the sun sets outside yours mine starts to rise. A new dark day. Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
summayya Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 A new dark day Like every day Without you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 A new dark dayLike every day Without you without you even the sakura blooms droop another spring goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 without youeven the sakura blooms droop another spring goldenlangur another spring creeps in unnoticed a lone primrose Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 a lone primrose waits for spring's promises solitude breeds patience ~~jvg Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 a lone primrosewaits for spring's promises solitude breeds patience ~~Tink solitude breeds patience amongst these pages wisdom of the sage goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 wisdom of the sage hangs from the bohdi tree in heart shaped leaves ~~jvg Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 wisdom of the sagehangs from the bohdi tree in heart shaped leaves ~~Tink Beautiful, Tink! in heart shaped leaves let's write our dreams goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waxwings Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Tinker wrote: a lone primrose waits for spring's promises solitude breeds patience ~~Tink This certainly has the right elements for a haiku, but I think my edit below would be even closer. solitude breeds patience waits for spring's promises a lone primrose Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 You are probably right waxwings, but here on the train there is a certain order to things, we take the last line of the previous haiku and use it as the first line of our response... So switching the first line with the last line is not an option. Having to use the last line of the previous poem as your first line creates a different kind of challenge. This thread is an ongoing communication between the members here. The poems are linked and a shared love for writing is passed on. our dreams surround this place in vivid color ~~jvg Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waxwings Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 You are probably right waxwings, but here on the train there is a certain order to things, we take the last line of the previous haiku and use it as the first line of our response... So switching the first line with the last line is not an option. Having to use the last line of the previous poem as your first line creates a different kind of challenge. This thread is an ongoing communication between the members here. The poems are linked and a shared love for writing is passed on. golden langur wrote: . in heart shaped leaves let's write our dreams our dreams surround this place in vivid color ~~Tink My mistake. I had not 'caught' the rule yet. But should we then not write poems that do what haiku are expected to do? My response to gl's would be our dreams, memories, blossoms of the rarest kind, of far places I can but hope these would end on a line that leaves lots and lots room for interpretation. Below, I have grabbed yours extending an idea of Issa's. vivid colors more so when reflected in a dragonfly's eye Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Hi Tink and waxwings I think both of you make valid points here. This haiku train is much more of a fun thing where members collaborate and add their own quirky take on the form. For example, Bloody day, RoNy always gave little footnotes to his haiku posts here, which added something unique to the train. But yes we take the last line of the previous poster's haiku and make a haiku with that. But there's no rule to say, waxwings that you can't tweak the lines a little sometimes to post as perfect a haiku as you want. a dragonfly's eye does it see the scum on the pond? Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 a dragonfly's eyedoes it see the scum on the pond? on the pond ripples of jumping frog new spring Enjoyable discussion between Tinker and ww Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waxwings Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Hi Tink and waxwings I think both of you make valid points here. This haiku train is much more of a fun thing where members collaborate and add their own quirky take on the form. For example, Bloody day, RoNy always gave little footnotes to his haiku posts here, which added something unique to the train. But yes we take the last line of the previous poster's haiku and make a haiku with that. But there's no rule to say, waxwings that you can't tweak the lines a little sometimes to post as perfect a haiku as you want. a dragonfly's eye does it see the scum on the pond? Thanks for the clarification re 'adjusting' the last line. That is a saving grace. on the pond each frog rules his universe-- a lily pad I doubt this needs explanation, but are we expected to renga ?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 waxwings, You were beaten by eight minutes. But I must admit yours is much superior to mine. Kudos Lake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Ok in case of a tie... I am now making up my own rule, I will use both end lines, with a little modification... by the way I love the frogs in both haiku... I would love to get a renga going but not in this thread, maybe in the Playground.... new spring a lily pad floats nearby froggy launch pad ~~jvg Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 new springa lily pad floats nearby froggy launchpad ~~Tink Excellent Tink A renga in the Playground might be fun! froggy launchpad uncurled and warm late noon goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waxwings Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 new springa lily pad floats nearby froggy launchpad ~~Tink Excellent Tink A renga in the Playground might be fun! froggy launchpad uncurled and warm late noon goldenlangur But renga asks for haiku, not short philosophical poems like late noontime sun more green than lily pad algae crop abundant Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 late noontime sunmore green than lily pad algae crop abundant algae crop abundant a line of ducks plough on nature’s gift Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rumisong Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 nature's gift the leaf tip releases a dew drop Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
summayya Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 nature's giftthe leaf tip releases a dew drop Beautifully captured moment Rumisong! Really enjoyed it! a dew drop carries in it many a silent mornings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rumisong Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 many a silent mornings broken awake mother chickadee's new nest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waxwings Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 many a silent morningsbroken awake mother chickadee's new nest Sharp observation, nicely diguised. I had to read few times before the full gist hit me, probably because of the odd use of the plural "morings". Another quibble: "mother" not essential for comprehension & adds 2 syllables. chickadee's new nest yolk and broken shells rotten cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 chickadee's new nestyolk and broken shells rotten cat rotten cat buried in the snow - dancing mice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Lake said: waxwings said: chickadee's new nest yolk and broken shells rotten cat rotten cat buried in the snow - dancing mice dancing mice on a lake of ice cold feet ~~jvg Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 dancing miceon a lake of ice cold feet Thanks Tinker to rescue this Haiku train nearly derailed by "dancing mice". cold feet deep in the warm snow plum blossoms Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Lake said: Tinker said: dancing mice on a lake of ice cold feet Thanks Tinker to rescue this Haiku train nearly derailed by "dancing mice". cold feet deep in the warm snow plum blossoms No problem Lake, it looks like you and I are the only ones playing for now... I see the lessons in your haiku, I need the practice. plum blossoms in the morning fog a cricket chirps Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 No problem Lake, it looks like you and I are the only ones playing... I see the lessons in your haiku, I need the practice. plum blossoms in the morning fog a cricket chirps Tinker, I forgot to say I loved the cold feet, so lovely. For the lesson, the technique is switched from phrase, then fragment to fragment then phrase. I'm not quite used to it yet. My two juxtaposed images are not strong said myron, but enough to pass So haiku on... a cricket chirps in the garden - blue moon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Lake said: Tinker said: No problem Lake, it looks like you and I are the only ones playing... I see the lessons in your haiku, I need the practice. plum blossoms in the morning fog a cricket chirps Tinker, I forgot to say I loved the cold feet, so lovely. For the lesson, the technique is switched from phrase, then fragment to fragment then phrase. I'm not quite used to it yet.My two juxtaposed images are not strong said myron, but enough to pass So haiku on... a cricket chirps in the garden - blue moon LOL Lake, Yours look fine to me. Myron had me throw out everything I thought I knew and start over. He has a fit over my story telling.. no-no-no blue moon shines on a mirror lake an old dog bays Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 blue moonshines on a mirror lake an old dog bays an old dog bays at an eclipse of the sun - discolored petals I still have hard time to get that Aha, though I could manage to find two images. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larsen M. Callirhoe Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 discolored petals darkness comes as the sun sets the flower fades Quote Larsen M. Callirhoe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 discolored petalsdarkness comes as the sun sets the flower fades the flower fades fungus shoots on the tree stump after the rain Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Lake said: Larsen M. Callirhoe said: discolored petals darkness comes as the sun sets the flower fades the flower fades fungus shoots on the tree stump after the rain after the rain on the forest floor sparrows hop ~~jvg Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
summayya Posted July 7, 2009 Share Posted July 7, 2009 sparrows hop a warm morning; cold god. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted July 7, 2009 Share Posted July 7, 2009 summayya said: sparrows hop a warm morning; cold god. cold god on icy mountain top Lilies on the hill. ~~jvg Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 cold godon icy mountain top Lillies on the hill. Lilies on the hill fragrant and white in the mist Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
summayya Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 cold godon icy mountain top Lillies on the hill. Lilies on the hill fragrant and white in the mist in the mist perches on my window a bird Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 in the mistperches on my window a bird a bird it's wings light up dusk Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larsen M. Callirhoe Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 dusk arrives creatures come alive the sun rests Quote Larsen M. Callirhoe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 dusk arrivescreatures come alive the sun rests the sun rests on the rim of the sea last light Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 goldenlangur said: Larsen M. Callirhoe said: dusk arrives creatures come alive the sun rests the sun rests on the rim of the sea last light last light casts shadows across the silent room Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 last lightcasts shadows across the silent room the silent room smells of coffee and cigar thunderstorm's over Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 the silent roomsmells of coffee and cigar thunderstorm's over thunderstorm's over you have left memories Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 goldenlangur said: Lake said: the silent room smells of coffee and cigar thunderstorm's over thunderstorm's over you have left memories memories taped inside my scrapbook framed photo of you Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 memoriestaped inside my scrapbook framed photo of you framed photo of you I wonder if your hair is shorter now Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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