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Aleksandra

Haiku Train - catch it - free tickets

766 posts in this topic

With an extra beat

fresh hope and joy abounding

hibernate no more

 

hibernate no more

swim up to the surface-

fresh waters.

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hibernate no more

swim up to the surface-

fresh waters.

 

 

fresh waters

drip from plum blossoms

spring rain

 

 

 

 

goldenlangurr

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So good to see your name gl... I hope things are well.

spring rain
gentle drops of nature's
awakening elixir
                  ~~jvg

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spring rain

gentle drops of nature's

awakening elixir

 

~~Tink

 

Thank you Tink. All's well and hectic at my end icon_smile.gif

 

awakening elixir

first call of the cuckoo

dawn

 

 

 

goldenlangur

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dawn
breaks outside my window
while the sun sets outside yours
                         ~~jvg

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dawn

breaks outside my window

while the sun sets outside yours

 

~~Tink

 

 

while the sun sets outside yours

mine starts to rise.

A new dark day.

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A new dark day

Like every day

Without you

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A new dark day

Like every day

Without you

 

 

 

without you

even the sakura blooms droop

another spring

 

 

 

goldenlangur

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without you

even the sakura blooms droop

another spring

 

 

 

goldenlangur

 

another spring

creeps in unnoticed

a lone primrose

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a lone primrose
waits for spring's promises
solitude breeds patience
                      ~~jvg

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a lone primrose

waits for spring's promises

solitude breeds patience

 

~~Tink

 

solitude breeds patience

amongst these pages

wisdom of the sage

 

 

 

 

goldenlangur

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wisdom of the sage
hangs from the bohdi tree
in heart shaped leaves
                         ~~jvg

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wisdom of the sage

hangs from the bohdi tree

in heart shaped leaves

 

~~Tink

 

 

Beautiful, Tink!

 

 

in heart shaped leaves

let's write

our dreams

 

 

 

 

goldenlangur

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Tinker wrote:

 

a lone primrose

waits for spring's promises

solitude breeds patience

 

~~Tink

 

This certainly has the right elements for a haiku, but I think my edit below would be even closer.

 

 

solitude breeds patience

waits for spring's promises

a lone primrose

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You are probably right waxwings, but here on the train there is a certain order to things, we take the last line of the previous haiku and use it as the first line of our response... So switching the first line with the last line is not an option. Having to use the last line of the previous poem as your first line creates a different kind of challenge. This thread is an ongoing communication between the members here. The poems are linked and a shared love for writing is passed on.

our dreams
surround this place
in vivid color
           ~~jvg

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You are probably right waxwings, but here on the train there is a certain order to things, we take the last line of the previous haiku and use it as the first line of our response... So switching the first line with the last line is not an option. Having to use the last line of the previous poem as your first line creates a different kind of challenge. This thread is an ongoing communication between the members here. The poems are linked and a shared love for writing is passed on.

 

golden langur wrote:
.

 

in heart shaped leaves

let's write

our dreams

 

our dreams

surround this place

in vivid color

 

~~Tink

 

My mistake. I had not 'caught' the rule yet. But should we then not write poems that do what haiku are expected to do?

My response to gl's would be

 

our dreams, memories,

blossoms of the rarest kind,

of far places

 

I can but hope these would end on a line that leaves lots and lots room for interpretation.

 

Below, I have grabbed yours extending an idea of Issa's.

 

vivid colors

more so when reflected in

a dragonfly's eye

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Hi Tink and waxwings

 

I think both of you make valid points here.

 

This haiku train is much more of a fun thing where members collaborate and add their own quirky take on the form. For example, Bloody day, RoNy always gave little footnotes to his haiku posts here, which added something unique to the train.

 

But yes we take the last line of the previous poster's haiku and make a haiku with that. But there's no rule to say, waxwings that you can't tweak the lines a little sometimes to post as perfect a haiku as you want. icon_smile.gif

 

a dragonfly's eye

does it see the scum

on the pond?

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a dragonfly's eye

does it see the scum

on the pond?

 

 

 

on the pond

ripples of jumping frog

new spring

 

Enjoyable discussion between Tinker and ww

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Hi Tink and waxwings

 

I think both of you make valid points here.

 

This haiku train is much more of a fun thing where members collaborate and add their own quirky take on the form. For example, Bloody day, RoNy always gave little footnotes to his haiku posts here, which added something unique to the train.

 

But yes we take the last line of the previous poster's haiku and make a haiku with that. But there's no rule to say, waxwings that you can't tweak the lines a little sometimes to post as perfect a haiku as you want. icon_smile.gif

 

a dragonfly's eye

does it see the scum

on the pond?

 

 

Thanks for the clarification re 'adjusting' the last line. That is a saving grace.

 

on the pond

each frog rules his universe--

a lily pad

 

I doubt this needs explanation, but are we expected to renga ??

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waxwings,

 

You were beaten by eight minutes. icon_smile.gif

 

But I must admit yours is much superior to mine.

 

Kudos

 

Lake

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Ok in case of a tie... I am now making up my own rule, I will use both end lines, with a little modification... by the way I love the frogs in both haiku... I would love to get a renga going but not in this thread, maybe in the Playground....

new spring
a lily pad floats nearby
froggy launch pad
                   ~~jvg

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new spring

a lily pad floats nearby

froggy launchpad

 

~~Tink

 

Excellent Tink icon_biggrin.png A renga in the Playground might be fun!

 

 

froggy launchpad

uncurled and warm

late noon

 

 

 

goldenlangur

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new spring

a lily pad floats nearby

froggy launchpad

 

~~Tink

 

Excellent Tink icon_biggrin.png A renga in the Playground might be fun!

 

 

froggy launchpad

uncurled and warm

late noon

 

 

 

goldenlangur

 

But renga asks for haiku, not short philosophical poems like

 

late noontime sun

more green than lily pad

algae crop abundant

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late noontime sun

more green than lily pad

algae crop abundant

 

algae crop abundant

a line of ducks plough on

nature’s gift

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