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  1. Today
  2. tonyv

    tonyv

    Chicane/"Autumn Tactics" (Jody Wisternoff Remix)

    ... Hiding summer's age no more
    No more leaves in summer skies
    Turning dark on empty car lots
    When summer was my only friend
    Say you're back this way again
    Winter's one breath away
    It's turning cold ...

  3. bob

    This Bed

    Well written Joel. Loss of a loved one can make one’s senses extremely perceptive to a void that exists. Sight, smell, taste, hearing, and touch which one has taken for granted, are now lacking familiarity. Your aching heart cries out.
  4. A. Baez

    Night Visitation

    Thanks, Joel--I'm so glad you can relate! And good point--I see now that there are actually a lot of "s'" throughout this poem. Before, when I read aloud the line, "As sleep’s last traces with the dim sheets slipped," I did find it to be quite a tongue-twister, largely because of all those "s'". I agree with you about the ending couplet, too; as an adult, I immediately saw that the first version's was simply stating the obvious.
  5. JoelJosol

    This Bed

    This bed is different without you. I'm not usedto its silence, inactivity nor to its bed sheetsand pillows over it well-arranged.My body sinking into it is not the sameas yours sinking into it too. I prefer it to becreaking, overflowing with sounds, sensualwhile the full moon peeks through the curtain,wondering what we are up to.I prefer it to be disorderlywhen we play love's games, the blanket removed,exposing our skin to the moon, so that shemay envy us, as she outlines your curves.I prefer that you fill it with your sound bitein every corner, in the pillows, in the bed sheet,with each space locking your scent, your laughter.Let us fill it with groansmixing with the embers of passionheating up as we ignite a brilliant glow.This bed is different without you.I am not used to space draped with loneliness.The blanket is not as warm as you,from where you would have beenstaring at me with the moon in your eyes. * A. Baez poem about beds and moons made resurrect this poem and made adjustments to it as well.
  6. JoelJosol

    Night Visitation

    I can relate with this experience, A. Baez. What caught my ears are the strong alliteration of a lot of s. I recognize the form as a sonnet. The ending is stronger in your current version than the older one. The change reflected maturity in writing poems.
  7. JoelJosol

    Necessity

    I enjoyed this dcmarti1. These lines caught my attention "but never to drink, never to bathe.The neighbor's dog barks" The alliteration but, bathe and barks stood out in my ear and caught my attention. But there are many more. It got me reading through the end.
  8. JoelJosol

    The Rain

    Hi A. Baez, thank you for the feedback. How I led the reader into the poem and the images to paint the existing gap between the characters of the poem.
  9. JoelJosol

    I Could

    Hi A. Baez, thank you for both the technical catch. I will revise the piece to reflect the improvements and corrections. Hi dcmarti1, thanks for catching the end rhyme.
  10. JoelJosol

    Inside These Walls

    Hi Dr_Con, thanks for walking through the experience of isolation.
  11. Yesterday
  12. dcmarti1

    Necessity

    I was trying to infer that the pool was not an elegant, in-ground, water-falled "cement pond", but just the kind that can be taken down each season and put back up. I cut the lawn the day after I posted this. 😛
  13. A. Baez

    Home

    Yes, I think the term "prose poem" tends to raise false expectations, which is not fair to such pieces.
  14. A. Baez

    Night Visitation

    Tony, I'm glad to hear it! It sounds like, by your measure, I've succeeded at my aims.
  15. tonyv

    Home

    Well, in my book of James Wright's letters it's something he mentions to one of his contemporaries. He says he prefers to call it a "prose piece."
  16. A. Baez

    Home

    Tony, I think the genre of prose poetry is something that I have been away from so long (and have never experienced much) that it's requiring quite a mental gear shift from me to be optimally receptive to it on its own terms. Also, I don't think I was ever 100% sure to begin with how I felt about this genre and what, if anything, really distinguishes it from creative prose.
  17. tonyv

    Necessity

    Marti, I like the scene. I like that like me, no one cares to waste time cutting that grass. Nodding off on the porch with a cold one is where it's at for me! Tony Oh, and also, I'm still cracking up about this: 🤣
  18. tonyv

    Night Visitation

    I think your version from way back when is very impressive, but I love the recent version. Like a 2020 remix of a ten-year-old song, the revised version exhibits a contemporary/up-to-date sophistication. I love your application of "half-pressed," "drear's," "day-force," and "high-born breezes."
  19. tonyv

    Siren

    Do you mean like change the title to "The Siren's Song"? Would that help?
  20. tonyv

    Home

    That's exactly how I would characterize it. It's image-rich, as we've come to expect from Barry. My favorite excerpts: and I've been wanting to write a prose poem. Till now, I've had James Wright's translation of Georg Trakl's "A Winter Night"1 as inspiration, and now I have "Home," too. Tony 1. When you open the Trakl topic, scroll down to read the prose poem. It has driven me crazy for thirty minutes already trying to figure out how to make an anchor link to the exact place on that page, and I'm moving on. I write poetry, not computer code. 😬
  21. A. Baez

    Siren

    My point was that I think you should reconsider the title for the purposes of clarity. I also really feel you need to flesh out the dead/living allusions at least a bit more. Otherwise, they're completely befuddling without your outside explanation, which is actually very compelling.
  22. tonyv

    Siren

    Yes, she is the narrator. And as you now know, to me sirens are always female even though the voice and the message in this poem are mine! Thank you! Tony PS -- And as you also know, Siren 2 will be coming out soon. It's almost there.
  23. tonyv

    The Icelandic weaver

    Barry, the imagery in this one reminds me of a movie I enjoyed called "The Last Winter," which took place near the Arctic Circle in Alaska. That one featured the wendigo. Tony
  24. Last week
  25. dcmarti1

    Necessity

    I did that today. Part of my REAL life "not happenings" seeped into this.
  26. tonyv

    Necessity

    Phil, lawns always look good so long as someone else is cutting them! 🤣 Marti, I'll return to read with care and comment meaningfully. I just couldn't resist replying to Phil. Tony
  27. badger11

    Necessity

    Enjoyed this marti. The not happening feels all so real. I like a doze myself😀, but the lawn always looks its best when cut. best Phil
  28. dcmarti1

    I Could

    The end rhyme is powerful.
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