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  1. Yesterday
  2. Tinker

    Days March On

    Days March On Tuesday protests began in Milwaukee Wednesday they spread from sea to sea Thursday more march peacefully Friday began the looting spree Saturday the Sheriff took a knee Sunday they burned down the DMV Monday under curfew, what more will be? ~~Judi Van Gorder
  3. JoelJosol

    Scarecrow

    The same here. The image of "sky of feathers and blood" provide the U-turn point when the poem got to "wounded man" and the "gentle dove". I don't know eclipse but this reminds of the violence that happened lately in the US over the murder of Floyd.
  4. JoelJosol

    This Bed

    Thanks tony and dr_con. I tried to picture the intimacy versus the loss without going overboard or overdramatizing the sexual part. Just sensual, appealing to the senses.
  5. badger11

    London Grip

    Cheers Tony.
  6. tonyv

    London Grip

    Pleased to see this one out there, Phil. Congrats! Tony
  7. tonyv

    Scarecrow

    Every image is compact, concise, and powerful. The first and last are especially intense: I can't get "sky of feathers and blood" out of my mind. Excellent work. Tony
  8. Last week
  9. eclipse

    Scarecrow

    Scarecrow weeps below sky of feathers and blood, an angel holds a bullet in it's mouth, spring and winter look through its eyes. Summer and autumn carry the scarecrow through a shootists dream where he disrobes until a wounded man is revealed who demands from the shootist why he killed the gentle dove.
  10. Tinker

    Jue Ju

    the sounds of love words form pleasure for the brain write a Chinese Jue ju to entice and seduce us <
  11. A. Baez

    Three Fingers and a Thumb

    Bob, I know you're happy with your version, but since you've explained your reasons, I'll briefly explain mine: 1) Okay, the planet reference eluded me, and I still don't see the reason for the bolded letters there or below. 2) Okay, but "blame of plenty" doesn't really make sense to me. You mean the blaming of plenty of people or circumstances? Or blaming aplenty? 3) Same as #1. 4) I meant that critics are equally easy to find as blame is. I was just looking for an alternative to your version because its phraseology sounds awkward to me. 5) "Bespeak" means "to be evidence of," not "ask a question." My alternative line, "points to a curious thought," introduces a pun on the pointer figure while conveying the same basic idea you were, just not in the personal form. To me, it doesn't make much difference whether this idea is phrased personally or impersonally, but one could argue that the latter makes the poem more universally engaging. 6) No change in mine. 7) "Linger to place vast blame" doesn't make sense in this context; what you really mean, I think is "hesitate to place vast blame." That's why I added "in silence" here. Also, "vast" sounds like a throwaway word added just to fill the meter, which my change eliminates. 8 "They" or "man"--the choice is yours. The former keeps the focus more limited by referring (in my mind) back to "critics"; the latter universalizes it. For what it's worth, as a woman, I'm not keenly opposed to the gender-neutral usage of the word "man," and I employ it this way occasionally myself.
  12. bob

    Three Fingers and a Thumb

    Hi A. Baez Thanks for the return critique. Just for the fun of it. Lets say I am going to analyze my poem. Analyzing sometimes takes the fun and pleasure out f writing. None-the-less I’ll give it a go. It does however give pause to thought, “did I really say what I was thinking?” Self critiquing is very important, and in the case of your critique, I will add this; “No matter how many persons read a poem or written statement, there is a great possibility each person may see the total picture quite differently than someone else. That was a general consensus of how our radio programs were interpreted, when we, as children had to imagine happenings or locations mentioned in our thriller programs. Many of us could create a different picture in our minds during the story. First line: When we speak/write of our nine worlds (Pronoun)in this solar system, (naming the planets with capitol lettered names.) So be it in my poem...A flawed, world of Did and Did Not. Remember this is purely a hypothetical world/planet in my mind. Second line: Clinches the fact... I am referring to a major fault of that planet's/world's, population, which is criticizing others. Third line: Supposedly, my knowing there is such a world, my assumption is...there are critics with a You Did it Finger (Capitalized), and not a Pointer, Middle Finger, Ring Finger, Little Finger, and Thumb. Fourth line: True, as you state ”easily found”. not “equally”...I say this only because of an “abundance” of that physical trait, but not a trait of all of its populace. Fifth line: Referring to the Sixth line: "I’ve got to ask this question". Sixth line: “WOULD” critics (of that planet) hesitate to criticize? Seventh line: To blame anyone for wrong doing? Eight line: Assuming their species (not man) has no Pointer Finger, as we relate to one of ours? I should have stated "THEY" had no Pointer Finger...not Man. *********************************************** Well? What do you think "A" did we tear it apart well enough? Thanks for the return comments. I enjoyed it. We just have to reconsider one thing..."the same story read by different persons can be interpreted quite differently. Sometimes changing a word, phrase or sentence, can change an entire thought process of what the writer was attempting to portray." Bob
  13. tonyv

    Rathpiper castle

    I love "sky of mirrors" and "clouds of bone." I also looked at some images of Rathdowney, particularly THIS one and THIS one and wondered what the lives of its inhabitants might be like. Tony
  14. eclipse

    Rathpiper castle

    Sky of mirrors, clouds of bone, symmetry of an architect waiting to be born. Moonlight imperceptibly massages stone, the weight of the moon's reflection on water the fate of the labourers bloody fingerprints on sand as he moves material for the construction of rathpiper castle, the worker sees himself in a watchtower in a fortress surrounding the moon watching the lives of those in Rathdowney fall.
  15. badger11

    Fly on the Wall

    I have a couple of foodie poems that will be appearing here... https://www.flyonthewallpoetry.co.uk/product-page/food-magazine-issue-six
  16. badger11

    London Grip

    I have a poem appearing here... https://londongrip.co.uk/2020/05/london-grip-new-poetry-summer-2020/#wood best Phil
  17. A. Baez

    Three Fingers and a Thumb

    Hi Bob, so sorry that for some reason I did not see the notification for your reply--I just found it yesterday after checking out the notification for dr_con's. While I was thinking of simply noting a few potentially tweakable areas in your poem, since you've invited me to present these thoughts in poetic form, I've tried. By the way, your title is cute! Three Fingers and a Thumb In a flawed world of "did" and "did not" With plenty of blame to go round, The critics with "you did it" fingers Are equally easily found. This points to a curious thought: Would critics falter or linger In silence before blaming others If man had no pointer finger?
  18. dcmarti1

    Necessity

    Thank you for commenting and reading. I am in an imagist mode, I guess. 😉 Keep safe. See you on the twitterz!
  19. tonyv

    The Journeyman's guilt

    All I can think about after reading this is the AI coming to get us. Tony
  20. Earlier
  21. A. Baez

    Before it was decided

    Glad to hear your poem was cruelty-free, and I wish I could have seen all the poets you have!
  22. A. Baez

    Yaël

    "You know I'm way too shy to name it after myself and much too whipped to not name it after the idealized woman who is the subject of the poem." My my point was that she is not the subject of the poem! Frankly, I think you're just infatuated with the exotic sound of her name. 😉 And you didn't answer my Nubian ibex question. Now, I wasn't seriously suggesting you name the poem after yourself, but I do think that as an artist, you'd be greatly served by stepping back and trying to see this poem as a reader is more likely to see it. Yael in this poem is just a catalyst that brings out the narrator's long-standing struggles--if it were not her, it would have been someone or something else, and it likely has been other things, both before and since. The best that this poem has to offer is not about her, per se; I see it as along the lines of Edgar Lee Masters' Spoon River Anthology poems--narrators' lives distilled into a few telling particulars. Notice that these poems, even ones that feature love stories, are all titled after their narrators. However, I can see an ideal title for your poem as not necessarily a person's name (which could be fictional, you know) but something more general. Again, I think that where you trip up most in your poems is when you get wrapped up in yourself to the extent that you start losing sight of the bigger artistic picture. People are generally most affected by poems in which they perceive some aspect of universal truth, not just enter an unguided tour of someone else's jagged and quirky reality. In this poem, I think you hit this ideal on the head everywhere except for in the title. I think you pinpointed what I was experiencing with the meter in the "job well done" line: it's experienced differently on its own than it is in context. So now, go at it accordingly! Please refresh my above comments because I rethought the ones about "when"/"now" before you answered them. I don't care overly for "since," but I recognize that you have a conundrum here. "We can always talk about them. It's faster! 😉" Well, it may seem that way, but as you see in this case, my more incisive thoughts all came after the fact, in writing. 😉
  23. tonyv

    Yaël

    Yes, I do. 😏 You are too funny! 🤣 You know I'm way to shy to name it after myself and much too whipped to not name it after the idealized woman who is the subject of the poem. The title stays! Actually, taken by itself the line isn't metrically flawed: / ^FOR / a JOB / well DONE / for a JOB / NOT DONE / / headless iamb / iamb / iamb / anapest / spondee / -- but when reading from the preceding line, the first foot comes across as an anapest, and the flaw becomes apparent: / for a JOB / well DONE / for a JOB / not DONE / With "because" it would look like this: / for a JOB / well DONE / beCAUSE / a JOB / not DONE / / anapest / iamb / iamb / iamb / iamb / I'll read the poem a bunch more times and decide. Perhaps "since" would work. I'll ponder this some more. We can always talk about them. It's faster! 😉 Thank you, again.
  24. A. Baez

    Yaël

    You know I'm observant and that I would have seen the footnote whether you mentioned it to me or not. 😘 But my point is twofold--1) why even mention the freaking Nubian ibex in the footnote if it has zero to do with the poem? and 2) why is this poem, if it is named after a female, apparently named after the female character in it? To me, the narrator stands out definitively as being the subject of the poem: he dominates the first stanza and he gets the last line. You could just call the poem "Tõnis"! 😀 Well, the line seemed clunky to me, but you used subs in such a way here that I couldn't really tell what was trying to happen metrically. If "because" fixes things, that's ideal, imo. Now, I'm not a big fan of "her ace" in the third line here either, either in terms of meaning or flow, and what I really wanted to say was just "with her;" which of course didn't fit metrically. But you've already heard my concerns about "when" and its surrounding phraseology. My other idea was to use "now" instead of "when," since at least "now" doesn't carry a connotation of futurity or conditionality. However, that would give you two "nows" repeating in these three lines. I do like your change of "the" to "his"--the loss of slangy feel is made up for by the gain in specificity, I think. So maybe your latest version is the best overall. I had read it before you personally brought it to my attention; I wish I had the time to comment on all the older works of yours that I've read so far! They certainly have prompted thought. 💡
  25. tonyv

    Necessity

    Juris, you live in too nice a neighborhood if you're getting fines! 🤣
  26. tonyv

    Vines and Entanglements

    Remarkably easy (and a pleasure) to read. I love this: [emphasis mine] A good one, Juris! Tony
  27. dr_con

    Before it was decided

    Wow AB! Cool! I've seen a few poets over the years- alas Snyder eluded me;-) Thanks all for the comments and well, no deer was harmed in the making of this poem;-) (The time in quarantine has gotten strange (r) 😉 DC&J
  28. dr_con

    Night Visitation

    Ahh yes the origin of 'Lunacy' 😉 Good to the ear and goo to the eye/\. TY
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