My New Phone

[tonyv]

The night sky over Chile, dark and clear,
filled up with the most stars I'd ever caught
in one JPEG!
                     Think back, to how you thought
that my new phone was money, to our fear
that a dropped call, or lost packet, was not
the fault of Sprint, Skype, or the see-eye A --

that universe is dead to you and me;
I must stop loving you ... for your own good.

Watch, what happens, when I make it cold,
as you advised, what happens, when the brain
disconnects from a heart that's sore: no more.

_________________________
^{JPEG; Sprint; Skype; see-eye A;}

^{money -- slang, meaning "the best"}

[goldenlangur]

Hi Tony,

 

What a wonderfully layered work this is! On the one hand, your poem makes chilling references to the way internet and mobile communications are monitored by intelligence agencies and immediately sets up the deeply ironical motif - that even with such access across the globe, the individual is not really free to express his/her views and thoughts. But this motif takes on a more personal resonance, when the poem alludes to how the poet is circumscribed not just by these 'listening' agencies' but by the person the poet loves. Here, again the freedom of the poet to speak his heart is curtailed, leaving him with a pervading emptiness:

 

Watch, what happens, when I make it cold,

as you advised, what happens, when the brain

disconnects from a heart that's sore: no more.

 

The opening imagery of capturing a celestial feast on the phone, seems again like a cruel prelude that the poet can reach for the stars, quite literally only to be brought back to earth by the reality of his loss of freedom and heart:

 

that universe is dead to you and me;

I must stop loving you ... for your own good

.

 

Great cadence in the echoing rhymes. Just to quote a few examples which caught my eye/ear:

 

'caught, thought, not, clear, fear, sore, no more'

 

There's also wordplay in 'Chile, cold call'

 

Long time since I've read your work and this is truly great, albeit tinged with such melancholy longing.

 

 

Many thanks for the notes - certainly took me googling.

 

 

goldenlangur

[Frank E Gibbard]

Well TONY I can only join Golden in his analysis this is a good capture of the aspects of the modern communication medium that is the titular subject in your poem's many layers. I thought this very deep and cleverly phrased poetic and jokey in equal measure. Liked your version of CIA, there's a thought. Frank

[tonyv]

Thank you, Golden, for your fantastic in-depth review.

^{goldenlangur wrote:}

 

Hi Tony,

 

What a wonderfully layered work this is ... But this motif takes on a more personal resonance, when the poem alludes to how the poet is circumscribed not just by these 'listening' agencies' but by the person the poet loves. Here, again the freedom of the poet to speak his heart is curtailed, leaving him with a pervading emptiness:

 

Watch, what happens, when I make it cold,

as you advised, what happens, when the brain

disconnects from a heart that's sore: no more.

 

The opening imagery of capturing a celestial feast on the phone, seems again like a cruel prelude that the poet can reach for the stars, quite literally only to be brought back to earth by the reality of his loss of freedom and heart:

 

that universe is dead to you and me;

I must stop loving you ... for your own good

.

I was hesitant to post this poem, fearing that it might be too sentimental, but your observations about the layers is a credit to this effort.

^{goldenlangur wrote:}

 

There's also wordplay in 'Chile, cold call'

 

Long time since I've read your work and this is truly great, albeit tinged with such melancholy longing.

I hadn't considered the effect given by Chile/chilly, and it's indeed a wonderful association. Again, thank you for your kind words and encouragement.

 

Tony

[tonyv]

Thank you, Frank, for your kind and thoughtful reply. Your observations, especially about the layers, shows me that the poem is working. I'm also glad that my version of "CIA" came across in a positive way.

 

Tony

[Aleksandra]

Tony. How hard is to me, to comment on this nice poem. I don't know but somehow I stayed without words after I read this one, especially when I read the end of the poem, what takes the breath out - " no more ".

The poem is written well and the expressions are not so usual, all of them are parts from different views of one subject, longing for something what is not close to you. And it's present missing of hope, too.

 

hat universe is dead to you and me;

I must stop loving you ... for your own good.

 

Also in the quoted part you expressed something what shows that you want to take yourself out of fault, that you must stop loving someone and to make yourself to believe that you do that about the other one own good, and that like a reason and solace for yourself for less suffer.

 

The poem is sad. It made me sad.

 

Thank you for sharing this poem, which is hard and wonderful expressed. I love how you are handling with poems like this one, or like Industry and many more, who are very hard to write them and at the end to make them compact. You are amazing.

 

Aleksandra

 

 

PS: Bw I love your new phone

[dr_con]

Solid work. It is pleasing to see our modern condition reflected in a well crafted piece, that stands on its own as a work of poetry! Nice work, very impressed;-)

 

DC

[tonyv]

Thank you, Alek, for your usual, perceptive reply. I especially like how you characterize the effect of the poem's end --

^{Aleksandra wrote:}

what takes the breath out

-- and your analysis is entirely correct here --

^{Aleksandra wrote:}

 

Also in the quoted part you expressed something what shows that you want to take yourself out of fault, that you must stop loving someone and to make yourself to believe that you do that about the other one own good, and that like a reason and solace for yourself for less suffer

-- but I wonder what the answer is ... Should the narrator stop loving her for his own good???

 

As for this:

^{Aleksandra wrote:}

 

The poem is sad. It made me sad,

I'm pleased that the poem made you sad, but not because I want you to be sad, rather your reaction lets me know that the poem is working in a way in which I want it to work. For this, I'm grateful. Thank you also for your other lovely compliments.

 

Tonyy

[tonyv]

Thank you, Dr. Con for your generous and kind compliments! I'm excited that you're here!

 

Tony

[Aleksandra]

Thank you, Alek, for your usual, perceptive reply. I especially like how you characterize the effect of the poem's end --

^{Aleksandra wrote:}

what takes the breath out

-- and your analysis is entirely correct here --

^{Aleksandra wrote:}

 

Also in the quoted part you expressed something what shows that you want to take yourself out of fault, that you must stop loving someone and to make yourself to believe that you do that about the other one own good, and that like a reason and solace for yourself for less suffer

-- but I wonder what the answer is ... Should the narrator stop loving her for his own good???

 

As for this:

^{Aleksandra wrote:}

 

The poem is sad. It made me sad,

I'm pleased that the poem made you sad, but not because I want you to be sad, rather your reaction lets me know that the poem is working in a way in which I want it to work. For this, I'm grateful. Thank you also for your other lovely compliments.

 

Tonyy

 

Hello Tony. Interesting question:

Should the narrator stop loving her for his own good???

I think what ever it is the action should be sincere. If that makes the narrator for his own good, then yes. But I don't think so, if here we talk about true love, then it's not so simple to stop love her, the narrator may leave her, but who knows if he can stop loving her. I am making differences between those two points.

 

Once again Tony, I like this poem. And yes, this poem works - a lot.

 

Aleksandra

[tonyv]

Hello Tony. Interesting question:

Should the narrator stop loving her for

his

own good???

I think what ever it is the action should be sincere. If that makes the narrator for his own good, then yes. But I don't think so, if here we talk about true love, then it's not so simple to stop love her, the narrator may leave her, but who knows if he can stop loving her. I am making differences between those two points.

 

Once again Tony, I like this poem. And yes, this poem works - a lot.

 

Aleksandra

 

I think, in this case, the narrator is much too selfish to stop, for any reason. Thanks for coming back to this, Alekk.

 

Tony

[douglas]

i was moved by this poem. it has a feeling of solitude and retrospect and unrequited love... it is filled to the brim with subtle subtext and sensitive emotion. you are a true romantic...

[tonyv]

Thank you, Douglas! You touched upon all the aspects I had hoped to convey with the poem. I'm glad you like it ...

 

Tony