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    • Very well composed, Barry. I've read it numerous times, and it's addictive. Each time I want to read it again. I always like when onomatopoeia is mentioned in a poem. It never gets old. The two verse set-up is perfect with the stanza break coming just at the right time when reading out loud (i.e. for taking a breath) and also for thought. There's nothing superfluous. Some of my favorite excerpts are ... the male / grips the gift of a fish to his mate and the reference to "the intimacy of otters." Also, The night is arguing with itself and the line break after "snap" are especially to my liking, snap being a word that for me invokes the expression "cold snap," yet in this case it drops to "of thunder" in the next line, followed with "perhaps." Nice work. Tony
    • Brief winter sun of the flashing king streaking waters that are waiting for wings. Ears are tricked by the wind's onomatopeia, kingfisher's colors are streaked across the moon's shining spear. Snow arrives winter is cutting its hair. I wonder if the stream leaves white footprints after walking in a dream to catch the moons blade wearing a tear.   There are blue glints, the kingfisher's courtship, the male grips the gift of a fish to his mate. The intimacy of otters as they stitch sharing the chalk's white thread, the needle's eye widens as days lengthen. Somewhere in chalk, there is a cache of each fish taken and every cloud that passes.The night is arguing with itself, the snap of thunder, bolts of lightning are its tears perhaps. Summer clouds are slippers for angels.
    • Haiku Journal 2017 jvg  #1

      faded red coat brushes
      my palm as she inches down to
      bed by the fire
       
    • Thanks Tony for staying with this. I'm still tinkering so hopefully I haven't lost the clarity.   best   Phil
    • Thank you Tony-- your presence and input here is much appreciated. I find it poetically fascinating how the senses work in conjunction with the imagination. Most will have never heard of the word – but all will be familiar with imagery in the embers of a fire: cloud formations, and more famously, faces on the Moon and Mars, or even religious depictions in day to day objects. Perceptions of things that are perhaps uniquely and psychologically relevant to each of us. Kindest regards, Geoff