Telescope (Is this a haibun?)

[tonyv]

-----Grass is supposed to be two feet tall. Here, in America, lifetimes are squandered trimming it down to two inches tall.

-----She made a material misrepresentation of fact when (in her poem) she said that the stars are cold. They're not; they're hot.

------Polaris is at the top,
σ Octantis -- dim in the distance.
---The roof of the van is cold.
__________________________________________

polaris -- the northern pole star

σ Octantis

[Aleksandra]

Ah Tony of course this is a haibun. When GL comes he will prove you too .

 

I know the inspiration of your nice piece and I know how much you enjoy the grass anyway.

 

Well written.

[goldenlangur]

Hi Tony,

 

Terse prose and a haiku that extends it, not necessarily elaborating it but opening it up, certainly makes for haibun :) Aleksandra is absolutely spot-on.

 

I too like how the humble grass takes on a significance in this haibun:

Grass is supposed to be two feet tall. Here, in America, lifetimes are squandered trimming it down to two inches tall.

 

Her misrepresentation of the stars seems to evoke a misrepresentation of a more personal nature, giving the haibun a certain poignancy.

 

 

Thank you.

Edited November 23, 2009 by goldenlangur

[tonyv]

Thank you, Goldenlangur, for the encouragement.:) I hope to try again soon.

 

Tony