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About tonyv

  • Birthday 08/14/1970

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    Rhode Island

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  1. I would add that as always, Geoff, the poem you've presented is metrically sound and otherwise well crafted. And I completely agree with Judi's observations on the pleasing nature of the rhymes. Thanks also for the background. It allowed me to look up Goethe's "The Sorcerer's Apprentice." When I read the part about the German cultural paradigm -- ... I was able to see a present day political relevance. Nice to see you again, Tony
  2. Yes Judi, life gets in the way, in your case it seems in a good way. Unfortunately for me it's not being busy that hinders writing, it's usually stress. I can be completely busy with a great need to write or I can be completely idle with absolutely no motivation, nothing to say. Tony
  3. I know very little about haiku, but this one seems to capture the spirit of it well. Again, please also post this to the MEMBER POETRY forum where it should get noticed more. Tony
  4. Terry, welcome. I'd like to see you also post this lovely haiku and the other one you posted to this Blogs section in the MEMBER POETRY forum. It should much more attention there. Tony
  5. There's a very lovely sense of place here, Barry. I did Wiki Beeston, so I had an idea of the Maltings (there's a pic there) and other references when I read the poem. From the poem I get the sense that there's much more to the place than what a typical tourist will experience: canal waters sing of journeys they have missed. There's an unconventional association that I've made: a collection of muses ready to inspire browsers. The poem and its namesake have inspired me to visit, to experience Beeston ... via my internet browser. The place has a rich history, and the poem is rife with rich metaphor. There's too much good to list, but particularly noteworthy are the wind "wearing the uniform of war walking across graves" and the "stories (that) have been told creating gold for a ring ready to make Beeston's hand gleam." Tony
  6. This is so vivid that I feel like I've experienced the moment myself. That means it's working. It's a subject I could have never imagined connecting with, yet through the poem I have. Tony
  7. There's a lot said here in just four lines. The poem is idyllic yet philosophical. It juxtaposes youthful exuberance with wisdom that comes with age. Tony
  8. The mural was in a movie theater I visited while in Florida, and it partly inspired my poem "Florida." Tony
  9. Judi, that's good advice, and I believe it's true, but I have a problem posting something that's not close. Most of the time I post a poem I think it's done, but then I always end up fixing a few flaws, and usually my poems are improved significantly when I tweak them after receiving input and suggestions from members. Tony
  10. Michael, I'm thrilled to see another member who is excited about metrical verse. Though I myself tend to avoid writing in old English for most of the usually stated reasons and because I lack experience with it -- is it thou and I or thee and I? -- I'll express an unpopular preference: I don't necessarily find the use of old English in contemporary verse immediately off-putting. I think that's because some of my favorite poems contain instances of slightly archaic language. Check out Tuckerman's lovely sonnet: From Sonnets, Second Series, XVI. Yes, he lived and wrote in the 1800s, and this poem exhibits but one ringeth. I think your poem would also read nicely with "you" in lieu of "thou," but either way is fine with me. As a near analogy, I'll posit that some people dislike rhyme, perhaps because they think it's archaic. I neither like nor dislike it. It's just a device poets have at their disposal. Even a cliche can work well to serve a purpose. I've used a few deliberately. Tony
  11. I was just thinking that today. I was somehow inspired to try a form and hope to post one within a week or two. Tony
  12. Judi, the imagery is like Tyger! Tyger! meets Ozymandias. Such richness. It calls to mind a mural I saw when I was in Florida -- ... which partly inspired one of my poems. I'm also excited that "Into the Jungle" inspired Marti to compose a "travel to a place I have never been" poem of his own. Tony
  13. I read the earlier versions first and was pleased that you applied the suggestion I would have made to L1 in revision 2. Revision 2 has improvements. I hope you don't mind a few additional suggestions: The terraced streets are wet with restless light where anthracite memories now tread once more. The dust still glitters in the rusted lungs of boys who scrawled scripture on bolted doors. Their mining eyes have inked in Baptist earth in tunnels echoing with chapel song. They ice the living with their rasping breath, and hymns now lure me there like siren song. I thought of many other options. I'm not completely satisfied, but this is the direction in which I would take this. Hopefully I didn't kill the meaning or otherwise debase your poem. I like how you often share early versions and revisions. It gives insight into how you work. Tony
  14. The refrain makes me think this poem should be sung to the music of the song. Is there a form where one does that? Anyway, I would have to go back and listen to the song to see if it would work, but I can't do that, can't get sidetracked. I'd get caught up in the endless slew of throwback favorites. Tony
  15. CMR

    There are plenty of sonnets about sonnets, and now we have a CMR about the CMR! Tony