Jump to content
Poetry Magnum Opus

JoelJosol

Legacy Member
  • Content count

    706
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Recent Profile Visitors

245 profile views
  1. Cassini Spacecraft: A Paean

    Hi David, I can see that you love your work very much. Movies featuring NASA space control often inspired my appreciation for the complexity of project management.
  2. Unmasked

    I thought to bring this up because of the coming holidays :-)
  3. Freedom

    After reading your poem and returning to the title, I exercised my freedom whether to enjoy the poem as a collection of words, rhythms and sounds or to go beyond it and try to make sense of it. Since I already enjoyed it just going through it, I gave myself the freedom to look at the symbols of your poem and see if there is more to it. The first symbol is the "sun", followed by the speaker's "senses". Next is the "fruit", "angel", "womb" and "allocation". In my own world, I associate that with the mortality of life. Then, the speaker switched to a new symbol, "bullet" and "gun". Instead of the word "death", the speaker chose the action word "die". The cycle of life through these symbols are complete. The other layer is the concept of effecting change across these symbols. The speaker used "allows me", "I am free to select", "I cannot silence" - expressions of control. But, in the end, the speaker is not sure if he has one. Thanks anyway for the journey, eclipse.
  4. That Seemed Good

    Thank you, Judi. I hope the revulsion it elicits from readers is extracted from them.
  5. That Seemed Good

    He found me wandering in Quiapo and offered to take me home. That seemed good. He said, 'You need a good bath to remove all that grease off your body.' He led me into a room where there was water and a bucket. He cleaned me up with soap. His hands polished parts of me to his satisfaction. He led me to a bed and said, 'You need rest.' That seemed good. He laid me down. My hair still wet. He said, 'I will take care of you' as he undressed. First, he let go of the pants then underwear, dropping them on the floor. I watched him get close to me, his weight pressing heavily. Then, he got up. Leaving a twenty-peso bill he told me, 'Buy yourself some candy.' That seemed good. In the light of the HW scandal in the media, I thought I would share an old poem of mine that resonates with the times.
  6. Robert Burns dreamscape poem

    I like the mythic quality of the lyrical narrative, and its musicality. With the suggested edits, this should go a lot better.
  7. Doorstep

    Hi Judi, thanks for the read and appreciation. I intentionally made the poem simple and hide the punch line until the end to bring home and share the pain. My friend's mom was already buried today.
  8. Reading Simenon in August

    Some poems are called fragments. Sometimes when they are put together, the linkage is not evident. You just enjoyed it for its musicality and fragmented images. For me, that's enough. I liked it for being fragemented :-)
  9. By the Hunter's Moon

    TInker, I know this poem is still in progress. I am trying to read your thoughts, to figure out between the versions, the choice of diction, the imagery being described. The heart of your poem actually starts from the second stanza. Maybe your mind is not yet set how you want to tell the story whether as an emotion-less observer or like someone-in-the-midst of things. In other words, the point of view or persona. If I may suggest, you may want to play on the sound of the loud speakers, popping country tunes, human body animation, versus the second popping heard, human body animation (falling), and zoom in with one scene and re-create surprise or shock if the persona is I-am-here POV. Just some thoughts to figure out how you want to say your piece.
  10. Doorstep

    I was at your doorstep the other day Knocking gently at your wooden door. There was only silence. I just had to knock a little louder each time Maybe you are in some corner of this house. But nothing happened. The dark clouds caught up with me and the rain poured. Now, I am all wet and dripping. All I want is to break the news- You know my mom, she died today. (A poem for a friend who lost his mom and called me up in the wee hours of the morning.)
  11. A Magazine

    David, improving a poem never ends. I will look into your suggestion and come back to this poem. Thanks too.
  12. Belshazzar

    shadows on the river- marching army trounces the full-moon. on the gate, moon lits the boots of thousand soldiers. from the throne, host-king falls over meat and wine. Trying my hand with haiku :-)
  13. First Responder

    Tinker, my poem "Of dust, paper, and steel" celebrates them too in the lines where I refer to them as "the brave" "Here, the brave races to a black door, to enter into white, undefined spaces where no sound escapes, no colors are seen, no memories of black smoke and the weight of onrushing ground." Thanks for the education on the forms.
  14. church bells

    Terry, take it as a recommendation and not an imposition. I apologize if it sounded like one. I also have copies of Basho, Buson, and Issa with English translations. I have also read about the flexibility of the Japanese language for haiku compared to English. In fact, some advocate an equivalent 3-5-3 English versions factoring in the difference of the languages in generating meaning. In fact, I don't follow rigidly the 5-7-5 format. I think I could even improve my original suggestion by following the 3-5-3 format Bells ring loud, Sunlight flashes on empty pews. One article wrote below "In languages such as English and its relatives whose grammars are heavily dependent on word order, haiku must and will take a much different form from that in Japanese. By concerning ourselves too much with the outward form of haiku, we can lose sight of its essence." Have a nice day, Terry.
  15. First Responder

    This is a nice example of a list poem for me but the way your lines were physically laid out created some tension that mirror the content.
×

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.