tonyv Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Glancing up through evergreens at stars, I sight a satellite. On course, it makes its way from now to then; there is no now for me. And all the skies we ever shared soon meld into a single streak of north. A hum, a flutter -- jade green curtains wave and ghost across the woods beyond the lake. Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 Tony, an observational masterpiece- terse, emotive and yet only 'what's there' from your unique perspective- well, well done... DC Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 You placed the reader in the moment. Appreciated some of the word choices too Maybe 'green' is redundant. Either way the kind of poem I search to read, pleased to have found. badge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 Wow, This is beautiful and sad, Tony! The sonics of this piece resonate. tonyv wrote: A hum, a flutter -- jade green curtains wave and ghost across the woods beyond the lake. I loved it... ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted June 14, 2009 Author Share Posted June 14, 2009 Thank you, Dr. Con, Badge, and Tinker for your kind replies. badger11 wrote: Maybe 'green' is redundant. Though I'm not familiar with its normal usage, Badge, the things I considered when adding green to jade were: 1. My dictionary does not list jade as a color, only the other definition(s), according to which jade (the rock) can be either pale green or white. 2. My thesaurus lists many options for green. Some, like celadon, have just the word. Others have green after the word, like grass green, apple green, and leek green. Still, others (jade included) have green in parentheses after the word, like Nile (green), olive (green), emerald (green) and fir (green). I tried to find an explanation for the parentheses but couldn't. I guess I considered that jade can also be white and that I have heard olive and emerald used with the word green. Still not sure if I got it right ... Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 hi Tony 'normal usage' + 'evergreens' = should be enough direction in addition, to my ear, it makes the line 'heavier' than it should be of course, only a perspective, and hopefully others will give a view badge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 On course, it makesits way from now to then; there is no now for me. And all the skies we ever shared soon meld into a single streak of north Tony, knowing you this part is amazing covered and metaphotically expressed. The past brings memories always so we who write poetry can connect in one secret way. The poem makes in my mind some imagery of short romance what already happend, and your way of expressing makes me wonder how you wrote this lovely poem with such a hidden feelings. I love it. Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted June 16, 2009 Author Share Posted June 16, 2009 On course, it makesits way from now to then; there is no now for me. And all the skies we ever shared soon meld into a single streak of north Tony, knowing you this part is amazing covered and metaphotically expressed. The past brings memories always so we who write poetry can connect in one secret way. The poem makes in my mind some imagery of short romance what already happend, and your way of expressing makes me wonder how you wrote this lovely poem with such a hidden feelings. I love it. Aleksandra There's nothing there that you don't know about already, Alek. I'm glad you liked the poem. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 Hi Tony, Inspired images and great sonority are enhanced by the understated tone. So much suggested and the reader is allowed to immerse in the moment you create with a delicacy of touch. Love these lines: ...there is no now for me. And all the skies we ever shared soon meld into a single streak of north. goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted July 16, 2009 Author Share Posted July 16, 2009 Inspired images and great sonority are enhanced by the understated tone. So much suggested and the reader is allowed to immerse in the moment you create with a delicacy of touch. Thankyou, Goldenlangur. I was concerned that the tone might be a bit too understated, but I'm glad that, in this case, it's working in the poem's favor. With appreciation, Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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