Sojourn in Manchester -- an Afternoon

[tonyv]

Autumn in New Hampshire has an ease
not known to those below the fifteenth floor;
even they, who built this high-rise, could
not sense it. Look out over rooftops: glass
and granite faces toast in the nip! A room,
her city in the woods -- night was our quilt.

___________________
Manchester, NH

[Lake]

Hi Tony,

 

Glad to read your neat, compact sojourn. Nice and close observation and a unique view. Unlike other autumn poems this one delivers a relaxing and warm feel. I'm not quite sure about "her" in "her city in the woods" though. Who is "her"? I like "night was our quilt". Very nice.

 

Cheers,

 

Lake

Edited October 6, 2009 by Lake

[douglas]

really lovely. few words. much thought! great stuff.

[tonyv]

Thank you, Lake. Neat and compact are what I strive for. :)

 

Unlike other autumn poems this one delivers a relaxing and warm feel.

I revised the poem a bit -- I changed warmth in line one to ease and warm/sun in line five to toast/nip respectively. Hopefully the changes will impart more of the feel I was trying to convey. I also added the word Afternoon to the title. I hope you still like it. As for "her" --

 

Who is 'her'?

-- well, I'll leave that to the reader to decide ...

 

Nice to see you again. I like your "lake" avatar.

 

Tony

[tonyv]

really lovely. few words. much thought! great stuff.

Thank you, Douglas. Your kind reply makes it worth the effort!

 

Tony :)

[dr_con]

Tony,

 

I love the mysterious 'her.' ;-) and I am very pleased with the ambient effect of autumn and sensibilty in this tight and compact piece.

 

Really a pleasure!

 

Many Thanks,

 

DC&J

[dedalus]

Tony,

 

I add my words of praise to the voices above ... but I get a sense of hidden, perhaps not directly expressed, experience that seems always to come back to that "fifteenth floor". It's interesting to speculate, I suppose, but I can see a high-rise office building, white-collar workers, lighted windows, an office hierarchy working its way up the building, a young man not sure if this is what he really wants to do with his life, and outside the city there is the same old rural New Hampshire waiting for the early snows, secure in its traditions, not much different than it was so many years ago when it was the people and not the license plates that quietly decided to "Live Free or Die".

 

Brendan

[tonyv]

Thanks, Dr. Con and Dedalus for your considered comments. Juris, I'm glad you liked the "her" and the way it all ties together. Brendan, I was thinking somewhere along the lines of a mix of residential and offices. It's interesting that it came across the way it did. I liked this a lot:

 

... and outside the city there is the same old rural New Hampshire waiting for the early snows, secure in its traditions, not much different than it was so many years ago when it was the people and not the license plates that quietly decided to 'Live Free or Die.'

I also changed the word faces in line five to structures ... for clarity.

 

Again, thanks to the both of you!

 

Tony

 

 

Addendum -- I changed structures back to faces, per order of Alek. Thank you, Alek! :)

[goldenlangur]

Hi Tony,

 

Thank you for the link to Manchester NH although I must say that your poem is sufficient in conjuring the cityscape. Perhaps wrongly I read a contrast to the archetypal autumn scenes of avenues of russet trees and the glorious autumn colours of Hampshire which are much celebrated.

 

The rooftop, fifteenth floor and particularly granite and glass are glorious contrasts indeed and yet you seem to say beauty of the autumn lies in the intimacy of the person's own room and thoughts.

 

 

 

Even if I got this completely wrong I enjoyed this very much.

 

 

Thank you.

[tonyv]

Thank you, Goldenlangur, as always, for the encouragement. I'm glad the cityscape came across despite the rural associations that The Granite State elicits. I like Manchester for its small but nice downtown. And you're not at all off the mark:

 

The rooftop, fifteenth floor and particularly granite and glass are glorious contrasts indeed and yet you seem to say beauty of the autumn lies in the intimacy of the person's own room and thoughts.

Here, you're right on. In addition to room and thoughts, I might also consider companionship to round out my intent for the poem, but I want the reader to draw his own conclusions when it comes to that.

 

Gratefully,

 

Tony

[goldenlangur]

... In addition to room and thoughts, I might also consider companionship to round out my intent for the poem, ...

Tony

 

I didn't want to presume ;)

 

But truly your poem is very polished and suggests so much and does let the reader in...

[tonyv]

... In addition to room and thoughts, I might also consider companionship to round out my intent for the poem, ...

Tony

 

I didn't want to presume ;)

But was it actual companionship or only the desire for companionship? I forget ... It was a long time ago.

 

I appreciate this very much:

 

But truly your poem is very polished and suggests so much and does let the reader in...

Thank you again for coming back to this.

 

Tony :D

[Aleksandra]

Autumn in New Hampshire has an ease

not known to those below the fifteenth floor;

even they, who built this high-rise, could

not sense it. Look out over rooftops: glass

and granite faces toast in the nip! A room,

her city in the woods -- night was our quilt.

 

Tony this poem is such a treasure. I loved this one. At first I love your way of creating poetry and how you pay attention to every single part and you make such a beautiful connection between the poem and the title. I wish I was such a careful with my job :) .

 

I loved the metaphors and that what the narrator has to say in this poem. I like how you expressed the view out over rooftops - the narrator view, and the toast in the nip. I feel even some connection with the past with the ones who built the high-rise, who were never aware of what they really build.

And finally at the end I enjoyed the list expression: A room, her city in the woods -- night was our quilt.. That's simply brilliant.

And I love the refer of her it gives some wonder, some deepness of the poem, and most of all the reader needs to feel the poetry by thinking what the poet really wants to say.

 

So Tony this is wonderful poem. I love it.

 

Aleksandra

[tonyv]

Tony this poem is such a treasure. I loved this one. At first I love your way of creating poetry and how you pay attention to every single part and you make such a beautiful connection between the poem and the title. I wish I was such a careful with my job :) .

Oh, Alek, comeon ... I've watched you work, and I know how much thought and consideration you put into every expression -- a lot!

 

I appreciate this:

 

And finally at the end I enjoyed the list expression: A room, her city in the woods -- night was our quilt.. That's simply brilliant.

And I love the refer of her it gives some wonder, some deepness of the poem, and most of all the reader needs to feel the poetry by thinking what the poet really wants to say.

Aleksandra

I like that ending, too, and I'm glad it came across just right for you.

 

Tony