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badger11

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badger11

Unravel the quiet room,

embrace Her pagan prayer,

withdraw His holy spear

of guilt from your side.

 

Fray the silent curtain,

breathe in Her light,

cast aside His thorns

of doubt from your eyes.

 

Be free, disrobe the stillness,

cleanse with tears,

for She lies alone with you

warming your side tonight.

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goldenlangur

Hi badge,

 

The combination of sensuous imagery:

 

embrace Her pagan prayer,

withdraw His holy spear

 

breathe in Her light,

 

She lies alone with you

warming your side

 

 

and the short, sparse lines gives the poem a certain air of disquiet. This again is reinforced by the prayer-like tone of the narrative. One gets a sense of coming to terms with the unchangeable. It has a ring of St Francis of Assissi's prayer (for me):

 

"Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can, and

the wisdom to know the difference.

 

I have made bold the line in St Francis's prayer that sprung to my mind while reading your poem.

 

 

Some striking use of verbs, which I find exciting and inspiring:

 

Unravel the quiet room

 

Fray the silent curtain

 

disrobe the stillness

 

 

 

Thank you.

Edited by goldenlangur

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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badger11
the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

 

My viewpoint is less 'spiritual' gl and there are choices that can be made and not surrendered to religious practice.

 

badge

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goldenlangur
My viewpoint is less 'spiritual' gl and there are choices that can be made and not surrendered to religious practice.

 

badge

 

 

Do expand a little more badge. :)

 

The coalescing of the spiritual and the religious you suggest, is fascinating.


goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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waxwings
the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

 

My viewpoint is less 'spiritual' gl and there are choices that can be made and not surrendered to religious practice.

 

badge

 

Being a 'scientist', I have always cherished St. Francis' prayer, because it is an acknowledgment of reality that includes our yen for spirituality and our undeniable need for faith in things beyond our ken or control.

 

I must be dense in some areas/ways/philosophies(?), for I am at a total loss what to do with those mysterious capital-bearing entities. To me, the images, from noun to verb to object, could be much, much more satisfying/juicy if less non-transparent.

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badger11
The coalescing of the spiritual and the religious you suggest, is fascinating.

 

Just a simple notion on my part gl: that the spiritual guides us away from living in this world. Religion codifies that spirituality.

 

badge

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badger11
I must be dense in some areas/ways/philosophies(?), for I am at a total loss what to do with those mysterious capital-bearing entities. To me, the images, from noun to verb to object, could be much, much more satisfying/juicy if less non-transparent.

 

The capitalisation was playing with conceptions and perspectives, religious and cultural: His (God/masculine) so I countered with Her.

 

Hope that clarifies ww.

 

badge

Edited by badger11

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tonyv

I always liked this Mary, Badge, her humility, her humanity. The spear is at the threshold of double meaning, and thorns could be quickly read as horns on the flip-side. But the last verse marks that official point-of-no-return. It's the permission slip. What more could one ask for?

 

Tony


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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worm

your poem is built up with verb clusters, which arouses my curiosity. I like the way you put things badg.

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waxwings
I must be dense in some areas/ways/philosophies(?), for I am at a total loss what to do with those mysterious capital-bearing entities. To me, the images, from noun to verb to object, could be much, much more satisfying/juicy if less non-transparent.

 

The capitalisation was playing with conceptions and perspectives, religious and cultural: His (God/masculine) so I countered with Her.

 

Hope that clarifies ww.

 

badge

 

My feeling is that God is God (I'm sure you don't mean god) and, phylosophically, need be neither masculine or feminine. It is traditional and reverent, to the Father/Creator that the masculine is aimed at. Some militate He could be feminine as well. For one, if you say He, you are taking a primarily christian attitude or one held by those that believe in monotheism. Therefore, bringing in a She/God would be inadmissible.

 

While I am enchanted with the images and the flow, the merging of pantheic and quasi-christian images disturbs me (not in the sense of being in any way blasphemous) by that I see no semantic reason for doing so. And How does this relate to the Harry/Mary theme.

 

I like your experiment/play, and find nothing wrong with that, but I do believe poets are better staying with present cultural tenets and not creating an unknown pantheon.

Edited by waxwings

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badger11
I always liked this Mary, Badge, her humility, her humanity. The spear is at the threshold of double meaning, and thorns could be quickly read as horns on the flip-side. But the last verse marks that official point-of-no-return. It's the permission slip. What more could one ask for?

 

Tony

 

Thanks Tony. I guess Mary and the Mary have a tendency to merge. A simple warmth, as you say why ask for more?

 

badge

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badger11
your poem is built up with verb clusters, which arouses my curiosity. I like the way you put things badg.

 

Thank you worm. Verbs? Actions speak louder than words...maybe...

 

badge

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badger11
I must be dense in some areas/ways/philosophies(?), for I am at a total loss what to do with those mysterious capital-bearing entities. To me, the images, from noun to verb to object, could be much, much more satisfying/juicy if less non-transparent.

 

The capitalisation was playing with conceptions and perspectives, religious and cultural: His (God/masculine) so I countered with Her.

 

Hope that clarifies ww.

 

badge

 

My feeling is that God is God (I'm sure you don't mean god) and, phylosophically, need be neither masculine or feminine. It is traditional and reverent, to the Father/Creator that the masculine is aimed at. Some militate He could be feminine as well. For one, if you say He, you are taking a primarily christian attitude or one held by those that believe in monotheism. Therefore, bringing in a She/God would be inadmissible.

 

While I am enchanted with the images and the flow, the merging of pantheic and quasi-christian images disturbs me (not in the sense of being in any way blasphemous) by that I see no semantic reason for doing so. And How does this relate to the Harry/Mary theme.

 

I like your experiment/play, and find nothing wrong with that, but I do believe poets are better staying with present cultural tenets and not creating an unknown pantheon.

 

Thank you ww. As always a thoughtful response, which I very much appreciate.

 

take care

 

badge

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waxwings
your poem is built up with verb clusters, which arouses my curiosity. I like the way you put things badg.

 

I'm curious why you call the lines 'verb clusters', not that that is intrinsically unacceptable. We all speak, most of the time, in sentences, and a sentence w/o a verb can make sense only within a string of sentences where the preceding sentences supply what may then be occasionally left out from sentences following. And there are sentences that contain more than one verb in the predicate. Is that what you mean by 'verb cluster'?

Edited by waxwings

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worm
your poem is built up with verb clusters, which arouses my curiosity. I like the way you put things badg.

 

I'm curious why you call the lines 'verb clusters', not that that is intrinsically unacceptable!way off

 

 

Since I'm not familiar with English poesy. Lots of what I hear, read are puzzling, meanwhile giving rise to my curiosity. I did read quite a few poems, of course not from masters yet, but some online poets I've worshipped, noticed great many unusual ways they construct their poems, some just with pure or blend phrases of nouns, or adjectives, or verbs in past tense, present participle etc., with no subjective to conduct at all ( writers and readers' mind's eyes can see, of course).

 

The reason why I referred to verb clusters is that it sounds more comprehensible for me to remember the frame, which seemingly resembles to the forms (with no subjective) i've been acquainted with.

 

Now I see the difference. he and she are made clearly responsive to the actions respectively. I return to this poem with your query and find what I missed in my previous unmindful read.

I am indisciplined. Thanks for education waxwings.

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dr_con

Lovely Badge- agree with most of what has been said- Your ability to sketch the outline of a situation with details most extraordinary is one of your great talents allowing the reader to respond with their own interior, a real marvel!

 

Loved it!

 

DC&J


Join the Voodoo rEvolution. Classes forming now: http://www.integralvoodoo.org/

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badger11
Lovely Badge- agree with most of what has been said- Your ability to sketch the outline of a situation with details most extraordinary is one of your great talents allowing the reader to respond with their own interior, a real marvel!

 

Loved it!

 

DC&J

 

Thank you DR C. I like your thought of the 'interior' and pleased there was no exclusion on my part.

 

badge

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Aleksandra
Unravel the quiet room,

embrace Her pagan prayer,

withdraw His holy spear

of guilt from your side.

 

Fray the silent curtain,

breathe in Her light,

cast aside His thorns

of doubt from your eyes.

 

Be free, disrobe the stillness,

cleanse with tears,

for She lies alone with you

warming your side tonight.

 

Badge, this is completely beautiful poem for my taste. The expressions are perfect especially in S2.

Wonderful written poem.

 

Aleksandra


The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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waxwings
your poem is built up with verb clusters, which arouses my curiosity. I like the way you put things badg.

 

I'm curious why you call the lines 'verb clusters', not that that is intrinsically unacceptable!way off

 

 

Since I'm not familiar with English poesy. Lots of what I hear, read are puzzling, meanwhile giving rise to my curiosity. I did read quite a few poems, of course not from masters yet, but some online poets I've worshipped, noticed great many unusual ways they construct their poems, some just with pure or blend phrases of nouns, or adjectives, or verbs in past tense, present participle etc., with no subjective to conduct at all ( writers and readers' mind's eyes can see, of course).

 

The reason why I referred to verb clusters is that it sounds more comprehensible for me to remember the frame, which seemingly resembles to the forms (with no subjective) i've been acquainted with.

 

Now I see the difference. he and she are made clearly responsive to the actions respectively. I return to this poem with your query and find what I missed in my previous unmindful read.

I am indisciplined. Thanks for education waxwings.

 

You humble me, worm! For all I know all I had was a silly question, but now I see why you saw verb clusters. It is true much can be said w/ substantives and few, if any, verbs. I believe that can succeed to convey to the reader what is unwritten, but only in special way, not in the general. I thank you for making me recall that idea of'clustering' certain parts (words) of speech.

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