Lake Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 Anticipation The world anticipates sun to energize this saturated land: these earthworms to ventilate the soil, these seedlings to green fields and hills overnight, those sunflowers to steer their heads in the direction of light, the Red River overflown, moisture thick in the air. Everything is ready, but no sun yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 An unexpectedly wonderful embodiment of the word anticipation. I say "unexpected," because I "anticipated" a romantic application. I love how you made it local with the reference to the RED RIVER. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 Lake, A truly wonderful and insightful piece- perfectly pitched anticipation mixed with a naturalist form and a singular yet global point of view... Simply wonderful. DC&J Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 Encapsulates the waiting. Like the long/short sentence and use of colon, directed the pace of my reading. badge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted June 30, 2010 Share Posted June 30, 2010 Hi Lake, I was taken with the manner in which you moved the reader forward, from line to line, a William Carlos Williams technique propelling us into the unknown. Certainly appropriate for the theme. I have to admit I was immediately propelled to another of your works and the photo of the dancers Yellow River, Red Drum when I read "Red River". Rivers of color seem to be a reoccuring theme for you. Very nice. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted July 1, 2010 Author Share Posted July 1, 2010 Thank you Tony for your "unexpected" and your observation of Red River. Thanks Dr_C for your take of "naturalist". Always appreciate your encouraging words. Many thanks. Lake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted July 1, 2010 Author Share Posted July 1, 2010 Hi Badger, Glad you liked the long/short sentence. A friend suggested a restructure of the poem and I'm still pondering it. The world anticipates sun to energize this saturated land, these earthworms to ventilate the soil, these seedlings to green fields and hills, those sunflowers to steer their heads in the direction of light, the Red River overflown, moisture thick in the air. Everything is ready. What do you think about it? Best, Lake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted July 1, 2010 Author Share Posted July 1, 2010 Hi Tinker, Thank you for your close read and for remembering my Yellow River poem. I didn't even realize I used colour for both rivers. So your comment made me smile. Perhaps it is because a river is the cradle of civilization - Yellow River in China, Red River in MN, US Best regards, Lake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 (edited) Hi Badger, Glad you liked the long/short sentence. A friend suggested a restructure of the poem and I'm still pondering it. The world anticipates sun to energize this saturated land, these earthworms to ventilate the soil, these seedlings to green fields and hills, those sunflowers to steer their heads in the direction of light, the Red River overflown, moisture thick in the air. Everything is ready. What do you think about it? Best, Lake I prefer the compactness and unity of the original. The final line of the original, the reminder of waiting, is a perfect closure. badge Edited July 1, 2010 by badger11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted July 1, 2010 Author Share Posted July 1, 2010 Thank you, badge. I appreciate your confirmation. Lake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted July 11, 2010 Share Posted July 11, 2010 Everything is ready,but no sun yet. ... and we can only live in anticipation. Lake, in this poem everything is clear, compact and very picturesque. Thank you for sharing. Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waxwings Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 (edited) This is a wonderful poem at heart, and all the preceding comments by others here are surely indicative of that. I tend to think along the lines of your friend who suggested the reorganization. You considered doing some, so here is another way that would imitate what the mainlstream considers an effective way of doing what is called a list poem. I think yours is better than many because it is more concise. I do like, as you shall see, the long-short line idea others here have enjoyed, but especially that there is content suggesting an excellent though unfulfilled a closure. I believe repeating the title word in the first line is not considered desirable. Any title that is fulfiled by the poem, without being repeated in the poem, serves to elevate, esp. the simpler and more exquisite poem that this one is. I have no objection to a well used poem, but, in this case the items are not as parallel in structured as would be desirable to justify a colon. Of course, what I have done is merely a set of generalized suggestions you might use, if you find a rearrangement justified, but making the pieces and/or their content considerably different. I really enjoyed reading this poem and wrestling with it. P.S> Just before hitting the Post button I remembered to say that a division into stanzas is not crucial, but it alowed me to really see all the parts and the whole at the same time. Wonderful! Anticipation The world waits for the sun ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ the place for the colon would be here, because "sun" is not itself among the things it will engender. to energize this saturated land these earthworms to ventilate the soil these seedlings to green the fields and hills overnight ~~~~~~~~~ Added "the" to make certain "green" is meant to be a verb, not an adjective. those sunflowers to steer their heads in the direction of light. Everything is ready, the Red River, ~~~~~ these three lines are crucial contributors, but seemed outside the psychic flow of the poem (see note for detail) overflown, moisture thick in the air... but no sun yet. Note: S1 is centered on the sun, S2 on the moisture, and S3, S4 and S5 on things we anticipate the sun to enable. I think that my placement (in S6) of what was L1 of S7 starts to complete the cycle. The river (moisture) and the sun (in reverse order re the opening) complete it. No matter how good the poem, it is never wrong to give it the strongest closure possible. Thanks for giving me a poem this wonderful to offer my opinion on. Edited July 13, 2010 by waxwings Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted July 19, 2010 Author Share Posted July 19, 2010 Everything is ready,but no sun yet. ... and we can only live in anticipation. Lake, in this poem everything is clear, compact and very picturesque. Thank you for sharing. Aleksandra Thanks Alek for your comment. Yes, we do live in anticipation. And nice to see your new photo. All the best, Lake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted July 19, 2010 Author Share Posted July 19, 2010 (edited) Sorry for being late to this as it is summer everything is off schedule. Thanks as always for your detailed comments/feedback, waxwings. And thank you for another take of the poem re its form, interpretation. I agree that adding a "the" before "fields" makes it clear what part of speech "green" is. Re the title word in the first line, I thought about it but didn't come up with a better word choice. Yes, the title word is repeated, but in a different form. Also I feel "anticipate" is stronger than "wait for", isn't it? It's interesting that you bring up "list poem". I remember I once wrote one, a much longer one. But in this poem it is more of repetition or parallelism utilized, I think. The ending Everything is ready, but no sun yet summarizes the poem (expectation) better than splitting the two lines, IMHO. Thanks again, ww and keep the critics coming. Best, Lake Edited July 19, 2010 by Lake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fader Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 Beautiful lake! This was such a pleasure to read. Just loved the feel of this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waxwings Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 Sorry for being late to this as it is summer everything is off schedule. Thanks as always for your detailed comments/feedback, waxwings. And thank you for another take of the poem re its form, interpretation. I agree that adding a "the" before "fields" makes it clear what part of speech "green" is. Re the title word in the first line, I thought about it but didn't come up with a better word choice. Yes, the title word is repeated, but in a different form. Also I feel "anticipate" is stronger than "wait for", isn't it? It's interesting that you bring up "list poem". I remember I once wrote one, a much longer one. But in this poem it is more of repetition or parallelism utilized, I think. The ending Everything is ready, but no sun yet summarizes the poem (expectation) better than splitting the two lines, IMHO. Thanks again, ww and keep the critics coming. Best, Lake Note re to anticipate: to expect and/or try to experience ahead of time is indeed 'stronger' than to just wait for what you know will happen. The question of proper semantic fit remains your choice. My suggestions are always a challenge for a poet to always weigh all possibilities. I know that the poet-in-you will know what your version is. I would not want to influence you to make the absolutely wrong choice just on my say-so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted July 27, 2010 Share Posted July 27, 2010 Hi Lake, I thought the comment about the "List Poem" was interesting. My ears always perk up when form or genre are mentioned. A Catalogue or List Poem is not just a list of things or places, it also should incorporate parallelism and anaphora or repetition. So your poem is indeed and good representative of the genre. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RHommel Posted July 28, 2010 Share Posted July 28, 2010 Hi Lake, I really enjoyed this poem. Like badger, I felt that the original was better than your proposed edit and the use of the long/short sentence made me read the entire poem in two breaths, which made for a significant emotional impact with the second sentence. I would also usually agree with waxwings on the title/first line issue, but in this case it didn't bother me. I will say though that normally I associate a feeling of anticipation with more energy than your imagery brought to me. It was soothing and full of life, but in a more serene way than I expected from its title. I especially love the earthworms, which is odd because I'm not much of a bug/worm lover at all... in fact quite the opposite, but this made them fun. Thank you! ~Rachel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted July 28, 2010 Author Share Posted July 28, 2010 Hi again waxwings, Possibilities are always welcome, even though I don't use one of those in my poem I'll certainly consider it in my future writings. They provide another angle to look at things. Many thanks, Lake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted July 28, 2010 Author Share Posted July 28, 2010 Hi Tinker, Glad to read the words from an expert. I think I was kind of narrow minded when talking about List Poem. It certainly incorporates other poetic elements as other types of poems do. Thank you for providing me with the link. Best regards, Lake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted July 28, 2010 Author Share Posted July 28, 2010 Hi Rachel, Welcome on board! It is noted that you have made a lot of comments since your debut here. It is applaudable. Thank you for your read and comment on my poem. Your point is well taken regarding the weight of the word "anticipation" and you are right about the style of my poem (most of the time) which is usually gentle and soft as others commented. I'll go to read yours. Best, Lake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rumisong Posted September 20, 2010 Share Posted September 20, 2010 I REALLY liked the linebreaks, the pacing, it caught me right away. I really liked the images, the title was fine I thought- Im really liking this in its original form Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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