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badger11

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badger11

her day so numb

until she pricks

her thumb so red

it must be true

 

beneath this prim

and silent cloth

there brims a tide

of blood and love-

 

and down around

beyond as wine

unzips it slips

the binding ring

 

and free she turns

her hand to find

the river lines

of all she was

 

she was and will

no longer be-

her thumb so red

it must be true.

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RHommel

Oooo... and speaking of detached delivery... very nice use of said mechanism.

 

Hi badge,

 

I especially like this metaphor:

 

beneath this prim

and silent cloth

 

I kept trying to pick out one of the following stanzas over the other and could not choose... I like them both the best, despite the slight deviation from the meter at the beginning of the poem.

 

and down around

beyond as wine

unzips it slips

the binding ring

 

and free she turns

her hand to find

the river lines

of all she was

 

Chilling, in many ways. It feels like a poem about divorce/infidelity. Am I reading that right?

 

~Rachel

Edited by RHommel

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Larsen M. Callirhoe

Wow badge your spot on using this as a nice way of talking about a couple's plit from a woman's ideology and a man's reasoning. i agree with Rachel. Are we wrong?

 

excellent crisp meter and very direct. thothe title had me scared since im divorced and aweing my senor ladies could i become a gigolo lol. ah well if i was only walking. facebook games wrought the mind but these wonderful women i met there are very independent.

 

loved the poem badge.

 

victor


Larsen M. Callirhoe

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Lake

I am drawn to the meter in this poem, two stresses in each line, is it? Usually, I'm not so sure about the accent because people read it differently, but this time it is pretty clear to me. And this one again is very badger. :icon_sunny:

 

Lake

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tonyv

Incredible! Iambic dimeter I have not tried yet myself. There's something stoical and beautiful about the subject. I sense an idealization of her similar to what I get from Frost's "The Silken Tent."

 

Tony


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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badger11

Thank you Rachel, Lake, Vic and Tony. Although this is not about Plath, the form is probably influenced by her rather than being an intentional and conscious attempt at verse.

 

cheers

 

badge :unsure:

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waxwings

This must be the season for simple, unpretentious and deeply satisfying verse. Beyond the feel of 'this is genuine' I was quite taken by the internal, the not-quite-but-oh-so-close and the almost mirror rhymes. And her 'river lines'.

 

Do I detect a sweet note of sadness?

Edited by waxwings

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Tinker

Hi Badger, I can hear the Plath influence thanks to recently having listened to your link in the Plath thread. The cadence and sonics drive this piece. Nice.

 

~~Tink


~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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tonyv

Hmmm ... What's this mean? :unsure: Everyone's talking Plath, and I'm talking "The Silken Tent." :icon_redface:


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Tinker

It could mean Badger is being compared to some pretty good poets. Plath, Frost hmmmmm. I think conceptually the Frost poem is closer, the imagery, the extended metaphor is evident. But for the tone of it, listening to Plath read her work carries a similar tone.

 

~~Tink


~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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badger11

Many thanks WW, Tink and Tony. Appreciate the positives.

 

So pleased you felt that the 'tone' could be related to her Tink :unsure:

 

cheers

 

badge

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goldenlangur

Hi badge,

 

That the numbness of her day and self needs an actual physical proof of a bleeding thumb, makes a for a truly poignant effect.

 

You create a sense of her entombment, where the social and more public layerings completely submerge and indeed stiffle her:

 

beneath this prim

and silent cloth

there brims a tide

of blood and love-

 

 

This is such a sensuous detail:

 

her hand to find

the river lines

of all she was

 

The juxtaposition of all this unarticulated passion and verve to the numbness of her day and self, is a masterly touch.

 

You manage well to maintain an even keel of melancholy tone and allow the reader to imagine possible scenarios.

 

 

I think this is one of your best to date, badge. :D


goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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badger11

gl I have said this many times, but always worth repeating: your reading, understanding and empathy, reinforce my belief that communication does exist in its most subtle form ie poetry.

 

many thanks my friend

 

badge :rolleyes:

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goldenlangur

In all the years that I have read your work, you continue to push boundaries and amaze badge. I have learned much from you.

 

Thank you so much for your warm endorsement of my reviewing efforts. I appreciate it and continue to learn ...


goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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