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Aleksandra

The Painted Man - By John ( Mister Poet )

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Aleksandra

I watched him in the yard,

... as the sun glazed his dark skin.

He stood like a statue -

... a perfect alignment

... along side the fence.

I noticed a drop of sweat

...trickle down his temple

...and along his jawbone

...as he took a drink of water.

...... I wished he'd come to bed

...... before my husband came home.

By Mister Poet


The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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tonyv

I like this one a lot, John, and (as Alek remarked on your other poem) I like how your style has developed. This is a glimpse -- a picture -- that shows so much: your life for now, lust and longing, commitment. Essentially, things human.

 

Tony


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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goldenlangur

Hi Mister Poet,

 

A predatory sense in the narrator's voice brings out her loneliness and the emptiness of her life. After the sensuous details of the man's physique, the closing lines add a good twist.

 

aleksandra wrote:

......
I wished he'd come to bed

......
before my husband came home.

By Mister Poet

 

 

Tony is spot on- you seem to have developed a more succinct narrative style which packs quite a punch and this works well.

 

 

goldenlangur


goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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Aleksandra

Yes my friends I agree with both of you. The narrative style here work so well.

I like it.

 

Good job MP icon_wink.gif

 

Alek


The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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badger11

I'd cut the last line MP, made the poem light. Otherwise I thought this write was exceptional.

 

badge.

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Tinker

Hi MP, Your writing continues to mature. Like badger, I think the poem would be better without the last line. It seems attached at the end as an afterthought and for me adds nothing to the tone of the poem.

 

~~Tink


~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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summayya

I agree with everyone, you have matured. This was simply painted in words and said evreything. I am with Badge and Tink: the last line out would not harm the poem rather otherwise.

 

Thanks for sharing. Its always a pleasure reading you!

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Wistful Poet

Wow, very...seductive! icon_biggrin.png


"If you are faced with a dissappointment or a bad situation ask, will it matter in 10 years?

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MisterPoetry

thank you everyone who posted on these poems with your lovely & insightful comments.

 

yes, all of you were greatly missed. i'm so glad to be back!


misterpoet

 

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YarnSpinner
It’s a strange world we live in, when one accepts lust, sin, and cheating depicted in poetic fashion. It’s like enjoying a bitter fruit, even though it leaves a bad taste in your mouth. In this case the poem has to be read several times to appreciate what is happening. The “punch line” was perfect.


Now however Mister Poet, is a perfect time to counter effect this with another poem of “Poetic Justice.”


For every action there is a reaction...

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MisterPoetry

yarn: thank you for your reply. this is an old poem i wrote around 7 years ago that alex was so nice to post. i replied saying thank you because it was in the inactive member part & i didn't know it would zoom up to the top. unfortunately i can't delete my comments or i would had so it'd went back to it's home in the back pages! lol.

 

 

i hope you'll read my newer poems & enjoy them as much.

 

 

thank you for your comment! i enjoyed reading it & glad you liked it.


misterpoet

 

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