Beautiful Day

[tonyv]

I've heard it happens right before you die.
The living kindly look you in the eye.
And no one even minds if you are late
to pay the freight. This once, they let you skate.

[Frank E Gibbard]

Mordant but not mawkish, witty leavened with piquant dash of pithy humour. Great use of epigramatic style, justified brevity, and so true.

[rumisong]

I like it

I have no doubt the brevity is justified

still,

I find I wanted 2x4 more lines

 

I like it

[tonyv]

Mordant but not mawkish, witty leavened with piquant dash of pithy humour. Great use of epigramatic style, justified brevity, and so true.

Thanks, Frank, for the kind observations. I'm not a big fan of the epigram, but it just materialized that way.

 

Tony

[tonyv]

I like it

I have no doubt the brevity is justified

still,

I find I wanted 2x4 more lines

 

I like it

And thank you, Rumisong. I hear what you're saying how some more lines might be nice. Ordinarily I would have preferred to write a slightly longer poem, but I guess I was just a bit lazy. :icon_redface:

 

Tony

[badger11]

Always respect for the dead even if there is less time given to the living!

 

badge

[JoelJosol]

I like how tony came in strong with the first two lines. Though there could be cultural barrier here, I didn't get the 'freight' thing.

[Lake]

I agree with Franks' epigrammatic style, the rhyme adds weight to it.

I get a feel of forgiving the dead and it reminds me of a saving :

Birds cry plaintively before they die, men speak kindly in the presence of death.

 

 

Lake

[tonyv]

Always respect for the dead even if there is less time given to the living!

 

badge

Seems so, Badge, but this one's coming from a dead man walking. Thanks for having a look.

 

Tony :D

[tonyv]

I like how tony came in strong with the first two lines. Though there could be cultural barrier here, I didn't get the 'freight' thing.

Sorry for colloquialism, Joel. "Pay the freight" is an idiom that means "cover the expenses" of something. It's pretty specific, but I'm using it kind of generally to mean pay for various things and unpaid bills. Thanks for taking a look.

 

Tony

[tonyv]

I agree with Franks' epigrammatic style, the rhyme adds weight to it.

I get a feel of forgiving the dead and it reminds me of a saving :

Birds cry plaintively before they die, men speak kindly in the presence of death.

 

 

Lake

Thanks, Lake. I like the quote. There's truth in it.

 

Tony

[Aleksandra]

I've heard it happens right before you die.

The living kindly look you in the eye.

And no one even minds if you are late

to pay the freight. For once, they let you skate.

 

I found irony in this poem, Tony. Even the title is sticky, besides ironical. I like how you created a scenario behind your words.

It's interesting when it's ok to skate for once :). But I would say is much more in this poem than the narrator speaks out loud.

 

I don't think so that this can happen to a dead man walking - or you refer to the movie?! :).

 

Nice composed, with some unusual tone from you. And it's good to see you in this kind of light, a bit different than your usual.

 

Thank you for sharing this poem.

 

Aleksandra

[tonyv]

I don't think so that this can happen to a dead man walking ...

Well, it's supposed to be coming from the vantage point of someone who is about to die, hence the expression "dead man walking." And it's interesting that you found the tone of the poem unusual for me. We'll have to explore that notion a bit more! Thank you.

 

Tony