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Aleksandra

Three Stones

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Aleksandra

(For dead October, the 16th
)

Sullen marble all around.

Frozen glares on grassy ground.

Flowers and hearts that don't grow.

 

A fog-bank. Nothing clear.

 

I thread three cold stones

onto a weak string

to make a necklace.

 

You are there, dim among

the blue stars, fighting

with the black clouds.

 

A fog-bank. No one here.


The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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goldenlangur

Hi Aleksandra,

 

The date and dedication you give in your poem suggests that this is an elegiac poem for Toše Proeski, who died in a car- crash 0n 16th October, 2007 and about whom you have written with great poignancy.

 

The shock and grief of his death still linger in your poem. It is as if the poet is contemplating the grave stone of Proeski and finds no answers to the question she must have asked when he died :

 

Sullen marble all around.

Frozen glares on grassy ground.

Flowers and hearts that don't grow.

 

This offering is such a simple but beautiful gesture and laden with a sense of loss :

 

I thread three cold stones

onto a weak string

to make a necklace.

 

The pervading fog and the poet standing on the bank as if waiting for the fog to lift and some miracle to happen.

 

 

I find these images where the dead is described as being assimilated with the stars quite similar to beliefs we have about the dead, particularly those who die young, merging with the stars:

 

 

You are there, dim among

the blue stars, fighting

with the black clouds.

 

 

A heart-felt lament.


goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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tonyv

What a poem, Alek! I know how quickly you composed this. You make it look effortless, but that's because you write naturally, from the heart. I concur with all of Goldenlangur's points. I'll also add that I love the logical layout and the way you employ refrain. The last line is especially striking.

 

Tony


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Aleksandra

Goldenlangur, I am so happy to read your astute observations on this poem.

I am impressed that you got the right sense and dedication. The grief is still too big, even after three years, and I am trying to express the feelings that have been boiling inside me the whole time since that day. And still I haven't been able to do it in the way in which I have been inspired to...

 

Thank you so much for your comment.

 

Aleksandra


The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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Aleksandra
What a poem, Alek! I know how quickly you composed this. You make it look effortless, but that's because you write naturally, from the heart. I concur with all of Goldenlangur's points. I'll also add that I love the logical layout and the way you employ refrain. The last line is especially striking.

 

Tony

 

Ah, Tony. It wasn't so quickly as it can be :). I had a problem with starting this poem. But at the end I got is somehow. I am glad you like the layout.

 

Thank you for your encouraging comment and help, of course.

 

Aleksandra


The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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Larsen M. Callirhoe

Alek my friend. Don't grief for what you can't change. Weep for the future what is known brings. I don't want to exist as a spirit anymore. That is why the Sophia weeps. God has saddened me. Alek i have glaucoma. I'm going blind. I can chat with anyone on yahoo instant messenger or Google hotmail. I have a microphone in my computer. I'm getting checked or MS, CRONES DIESASE, AND PARKINSON'S DIEASE. I can barely see.

 

I love you Aleksandra. Things are complicated.

 

vic


Larsen M. Callirhoe

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waxwings

This is a very good poem, I love your vision, even if I do not know the person. Nevertheless , I have to question the linguistics. If I misunderstand, you are free to ignore and forgive this old fogey. Your English is quite good, but, at times, you are not yet in full command of it, such as is more crucial in poetry.

 

The problem most certainly is that English is a singularly odd language that insists on the use of: the most specific prepositions, proper word order OR/AND punctuation to accomplish what most languages (at least the European ones I know) do by means of inflectional endings.

 

(For dead October, the 16th
)

Sullen marble all around, [see below my most detailed attempt to grasp what exactly you may be saying in this stanza.]

Frozen glares on grassy ground.

Flowers and hearts that don't grow.

 

A fog-bank. Nothing clear.

 

I thread three cold stones [A very nice and novel thought, finely stated. So are the other stanzas, but this needs no edit.

onto a weak string

to make a necklace.

 

You are there, [items, in commas, are descriptors (of the "you") & are like interjectives (asides, on stage) when out of 'normal' place in clause.]

dim,

among the blue stars,

fighting

with the black clouds.

 

A fog-bank. No one here.

 

Let me separate 1st stanza into standard (and almost universally intelligible) speech parts/fragments. I am doing it to show what I think you mean. There could be one or more way to edit a few spots, but I will leave that for when and if you dedide to post a rebuttal. if there are other opinions toni may want to move this to another section.

 

Sullen - adjective -------------------------------------------substantive prase

marble, - noun / subject -------------------------------------------- "-----------

 

all around, - phrase, describing subject, i.e., its location - interjective element [usually offset, by commas, from main clause & each other]

frozen, - adjective, --------------------------------------interjective element

 

glares - verb - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - predicate

on /at glassy ground - indirect object - - - - - - - - - - - - - predicate

and

flowers and hearts - - indirect object(s)- - - - - - - - - - - - - predicate [w/o the conjunction "and", this is an incomplete clause lacking verb]

that don't grow. - - descriptive phrase of last objects - - - -predicate

Edited by waxwings

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douglas

stark, atmospheric, bleak and emotional.

 

i love the line: flowers and hearts that don't grow

 

and the action of threading 3 stones evokes mystery, giving an otherworldly sense.

 

i found this poem striking and powerful in its simplicity.


To receive love, you have to give it...

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Aleksandra

Victor, dear. Thank you! I know, and I understand you. I am in peace because we spoke already. Take care and stay in peace.

 

Waxwings, thank you for your comment. Sometimes it's hard for me to understand your suggestions. My English is not so good, but I think that sometimes there can also be a misunderstanding on the part of the reader. I know that many times I mix things up in my expressions, but sometimes I do it with intent as part of my writing style. So, what I am most concerned about is using proper grammar. I'm not always so concerned about using commonplace expressions. But I will definitely take a close look and try to learn something from your comment. I appreciate your time and interest. Thank you.

 

And finally, Douglas. The lover of the world. icon_wink.gif. Thanks to you, too, for your nice comment. I am glad you like this poem, and I'm happy to enjoy your poetry also.

 

Aleksandra


The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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JoelJosol

I got the tone and the diction straightaway, a lovely melancholy piece, Alek.

 

Larsen, this life is full of pain.


"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

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dr_con

Remarkable Aleks!

 

A wonderfully expressed sad tone- It really strikes heart almost before the eyes and before the ears. Very, very well done...

 

DC&J


Join the Voodoo rEvolution. Classes forming now: http://www.integralvoodoo.org/

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Aleksandra

Joel and Juris, thank you for your comments. I am glad that this poem worked out for you. The tone is what I wanted to express the most. Thank you.

 

Aleksandra


The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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badger11

A cold world Aleks and I felt that the 'necklace' could break with such a weight.

 

Personally I know that beyond the fog is spring and the flowers will bloom and colour our world with warmth again!

 

badge always the optimist!

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Aleksandra

Thanks badge, for your support. I like people who are optimists. I remember being once :D. But of course, optimism is the only thing that can help in any situation, and to make you move forward. Thank you for your comment.

 

Aleksandra


The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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Tinker

Hi Aleks, I love this poem, the cold and the weight of sorrow is palpable. And I love that for someone who says she can't write in "form" you create a distinct form that houses your sorrow, almost in the shape of an urn. Quite beautiful.

Three Stones

 

Sullen marble all around.

Frozen glares on grassy ground.

Flowers and hearts that don't grow.

 

A fog-bank. Nothing clear.

 

I thread three cold stones

onto a weak string

to make a necklace.

 

You are there, dim among

the blue stars, fighting

with the black clouds.

 

A fog-bank. No one here.

----Aleksandra

 

Nice! But Aleks, Badge is right, life has a way of coming around.

 

~~Tink


~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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Aleksandra

Tinker :). Thank you so much. If I did something I did unknowingly :). Thank you for centering this poem and giving it this better shape. I like it. Thank you.

 

Aleksandra


The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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dedalus

Lovely, my dear Aleks (NOT Aleksa!): Solzi Pravat Zlaten Prsten

 

Bren


Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim

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Aleksandra

Ah, Bren. How sweet from you. You made me cry, but I am smiling also. You touched my heart with your comment. That is an example how the simple things can make your day/life better. Shall we translate what that means? - Well let's tell to the others, it's an older song from Toshe, that means The tears makes golden ring.

 

Thank you so much, Bren... I am going now to listen the song, who want can is welcome to join me. Here is the link.

 

Aleksandra :) ...


The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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waxwings

Nice. I read that as, Lzy robjo zloty pierscien, but have not proper font to do it perfect..

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Aleksandra

Hi, waxwings. To me that sound something as Russian?! :)


The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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waxwings
Hi, waxwings. To me that sound something as Russian?! :)

 

It is a translation into pure Polish of Daedalus' "years make/form a golden ring", which would require me to use Cyrillic to write it in Russian.

Edited by waxwings

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Benjamin

I have read the comments here and also read the poem several times over. It is an enigmatic and melancholy elegy, yet at the same time a highly readable modern poem. It takes great skill to infuse emotion, imagery and metaphor in such a brief few lines. Benjamin

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Aleksandra

Benjamin, thank you for your fine comment. I appreciate it.

 

Aleksandra


The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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