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goldenlangur

Possibility

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goldenlangur

When the sun sinks

and everything turns

pale gold, pink, then violet

I think

of stepping through

the full moon

back into

waiting whorls of gleaming tissues

pulsing with my parents’ dream.

Stained only with her blood

I am as yet free of all stains.

I breathe to her heartbeat,

hear snatches of things -

her hiccup, his endearment,

their sigh.

 

The aperture to light

is my expulsion

into the wrath of life.


goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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tonyv

Outrageously tight with incredible word choices. Waiting whorls, gleaming tissues, stained, snatches, hiccup, endearment -- on and on it goes. I absolutely love the aperture to light. This is world class writing. Thanks for sharing it here, Goldenlangur.

 

Tony


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Aleksandra

Goldenlangur, at first this poem is very picturesque, I enjoyed the beginning. Here or there...this way or that way... maybe all is same... That is what I got in my mind while I was reading this poem. As Tony says, very good word choices, and I like how you combined them, which is most important.

 

Well done.

 

Aleksandra


The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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badger11

What an extraordinary, imaginative vision gl. I must let my eye dwell on the evening sky and moon more often!

 

pulsing with my parents' dream.

 

A dream that pulses seems so much more alive.

 

 

I breathe to her heartbeat,

 

succinctly, skillfully progressing, working the transition in the poem

 

hear snatches of things -

her hiccup, his endearment,

their sigh.

I love how you have pictured that moment of creation, the fragments threading to a unity.

 

 

badge

Edited by badger11

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goldenlangur

Hi Tony,

 

I suppose something of the tightness of haiku form spills into my writing. ;)

 

The detail you have picked took a while to take shape and I wasn't quite sure if it would work so you can imagine my delight at your commendation.

 

World class writing :icon_redface: is such a generous comment!

 

Thank you :D


goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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goldenlangur
Goldenlangur, at first this poem is very picturesque, I enjoyed the beginning. H As Tony says, very good word choices, and I like how you combined them, which is most important.

 

Well done.

 

Aleksandra

 

 

I am so glad that you enjoyed the opening descriptions, Aleksandra.

 

This is a very perceptive reading:

 

Here or there...this way or that way... maybe all is same... That is what I got in my mind while I was reading this poem.

 

Thank you for the compliment on the word choice and my use. Like you I often try to translate thoughts from my own language into English and it is the feedback from readers in a forum like this that shows me if I am doing okay or if I am off the mark.

 

 

Appreciate your support for my writing. :D


goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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goldenlangur

I am really pleased, badge that you picked on this:

 

I love how you have pictured that moment of creation, the fragments threading to a unity.

 

In Tibetan Buddhism we believe (The Book of the Dead) that we choose our parents and witness the moment of our parents coupling. In a way we are proactive, if you like, in our birth.

 

 

You're right. Certain times, particularly the liminal ones, can be quite inspiring :D

 

So glad that the details you highlighted, work.

 

 

Thank you. :D


goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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dr_con

Golden,

Remarkable, truly... I've been dazzled by the poetry selections today, going from one absolute favorite to the next- but this is (being the last I read) very resonant with some of my own internal process- It resonated in its depth and its continuous unfolding...

 

Lovely,

 

DC&J


Join the Voodoo rEvolution. Classes forming now: http://www.integralvoodoo.org/

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waxwings

So much has been said by others I feel silly trying to put in my five cents. After re-reading to convince myself I see/hear what I first thought I did I say jolly well done and done w/quality.

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Lake

Golden,

 

This is deeply felt. A state of mind, the interaction between heart and soul.

 

Very well conveyed.

 

Lake

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goldenlangur

Thank you, DC, WW and Lake for stopping by and posting your thoughts.

 

DC - I enjoy your work and it's very encouraging to get a thumbs up from you.

 

WW - Your five cents is much appreciated.

 

Lake - So glad that you read the interplay of heart and mind.

 

 

With appreciation.


goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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waxwings

Another small note. An aperture is passive, not true for expulsion, a verb-noun.

 

The aperture to light

serves my expulsion

into the wrath of life.

Edited by waxwings

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Tinker

Hi gl, I like your new style of writing, it still has the intricate imagery of the poems I have come to expect from you, but the last few I have read including this one seem to be expanded, crafted with exquiste care and yet there is an abandon, a coloring outside of the lines that I had not seen before.

 

This piece certainly has incredible imagery which others have already commented on. What I was so impressed with was the sonics of this piece. It was an adventure to read this out loud. I don't think I have ever found rhyme in your poetry before and I liked it.

 

The content was extraordinary, I felt privileged that you shared this intimate moment. It was such a delightful surprise.

 

I loved it.

 

~~Tink


~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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goldenlangur

Hi Tink,

 

As you write fine poems yourself and your research on poetical form is truly admirably I am surprised and delighted by your generous commendation of my efforts to write a poem outside the Japanese short form genre.

 

I am particularly pleased with this:

 

What I was so impressed with was the sonics of this piece. It was an adventure to read this out loud. I don't think I have ever found rhyme in your poetry before and I liked it.

 

 

~~Tink

 

 

Thank you so much for the encouragement. I am learning all the time.


goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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