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Benjamin

Together yet...

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Benjamin

Your Janus head has turned its visage

 

Of slate, as though a smile were weakness.

 

And the hob where love once burned bright

 

Through passions abyss,

 

No more holds the latent forms of where we

 

Bucked and threshed the years of our darting youth.

 

I rode well your perfect back

 

Satisfied and honey flayed;

 

Lust dispelled our need to talk:

 

I’d pant and you would bray.

 

 

 

 

But all that raging passion and lust

 

Once wrought on us has now waned; and tense

 

Conversation bears a dark fruit,

 

Jealous arguments.

 

I cede, though you forever strive to win

 

Now passion’s spent and sheathed in coral;

 

A sunken church with no bell,

 

Where rough seas may ever pore

 

The steeple we knew so well,

 

That chimes the hours no more.

 

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tonyv

Extremely tight, acrimonious, resentful. From the farmhouse/barnyard imagery in the first verse (especially lines seven through ten) to the curious mix of maritime/village/church metaphors in the second, there's too much good to quote. But I will say that I cede, though you forever strive to win is somehow close to home for me.

 

In addition to the suggestive content, framed in syllabic meter, the rich vocabulary makes this a very impressive write. Thank you for sharing it here, Benjamin.

 

Tony


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Benjamin

Thanks for your comments Tony. I wrote this (non- autobiographical) relationship poem after being prompted by Elizabeth Jennings who wrote about her parents in a short piece, 'One Flesh'; the last lines of which were, “"Do they know they're old/ These two who are my father and mother/ Whose fire from which I came, has now grown cold." My own father was a mariner. ”

Edited by Benjamin

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tonyv

Thanks for the background on the work, Benjamin. I think many people draw only from their own experiences when they write a poem, and it's great when a non-autobiographical effort produces something of this caliber. In my own case, my poems will often start out heavily influenced by personal experience, but they'll usually transform into works that are merely "loosely based" on facts as I tweak and try to improve the writing itself. The outcome is usually a better poem, as the reader doesn't really care if the facts are exact. My point: in any case, Together yet ... is a terrific composition.

 

Tony


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Benjamin

My thanks again Tony I appreciate the time you gave to this. I generally prefer to avoid writing in the first person; it avoids confusion between the narrator and the persona of the poet. There are times however, when dealing with sensitive personal issues, the 'first person' is better suited.

Edited by Benjamin

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goldenlangur

Hi Benjamin,

 

The image of Janus, the two-headed Roman god, who faces two ways - towards the past and towards the future, is very apt for this exploration of the explosive combination of love and resentment. The ardor and passion waning to a simmering resentment:

 

 

But all that raging passion and lust

 

Once wrought on us has now waned; and tense

 

Conversation bears a dark fruit,

 

Jealous arguments.

 

I cede, though you forever strive to win

 

Now passion’s spent and sheathed in coral;

 

 

Powerful and articulate.

 

 

Thank you.


goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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Benjamin

Thanks for looking in goldenlangur your comments are appreciated. :icon_cool:

Edited by Benjamin

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badger11

A poem written with energy that translates into some wonderful imagery. Loved the expression 'honey-flayed', 'sheathed in coral', and the play with 'bucked' (pointedly emphasized with the break on 'we').

 

poetic, rich, and enjoyed

 

badge

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Benjamin

Thanks Badge your comments are appreciated. B.

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waxwings

Sounds reasonable. But Janus has two visages/faces on one head. Which one do you mean to say he turns toward what. Please, do not let my query detract from an interesting proposition.

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Benjamin

Hi waxwings. Unlike transient verbs which require both a direct subject and at least one object, metaphor leaves the reader with a little work to do

I think "visage of slate" is enough to imply "grey and cold", as to which face is meant. Thanks for reading and leaving comment. Benjamin.

Edited by Benjamin

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JoelJosol

Benjamin, the lines I like best is

 

Now passion’s spent and sheathed in coral;

 

How sad the imagery.


"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

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Frank E Gibbard

Good use of imagery - in a poem I also commented on elsewhere, for a cooling relationship discretely drawn.

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Benjamin

Hello Joel: thankyou for reading and leaving comment. Yes the imagery is sad: when love changes, becomes a sheath of habit, too painful, or too late to change. Benjamin

 

Thanks Frank I sometimes forget what I have posted and where. :rolleyes: Glad you read it again and left comment.

Edited by Benjamin

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