Jump to content
Poetry Magnum Opus
badger11

Y Mynyddoedd Duon (revised)

Recommended Posts

badger11

revision3

 

Colour beckons across the dwindling fern,
a chasing game of vixen with dog fox.
The bark of both, a crack through slate; that shaft
of vermilion dashing a breath through rust.

This miner's hut is curtain free, open
to whim. The wind's a claw over bracken.
A goodbye day where falcon hovers high
above the heather, hungers across the cwm.

 

 

===================================================================================

 

revision2

Her scent beckons, gilds the dwindling light,
a chasing game of vixen with dog fox.
The bark of both, a crack through slate, a shaft
of vermilion, broken bottles of home brew.

The shepherd's hut is curtain free, open
to whim. The wind caresses the bracken.
A dying day where falcon hovers high
above the heather, glides across the cwm.



=======================================================================================

revised1

Her scent beckons, gilding the dwindling light,
a hunger game of vixen with dog fox.
The bark of both, a crack through slate, a shaft
of vermilion flaking obsidian glass.

The shepherd's hut is curtain free, open
to whim. The wind caresses the bracken.
A dying day where falcon hovers high
above the heather, glides across the cwm.


====================================================================================

original

Her eyes beckon, burning the dwindling light,
a chasing game of vixen with dog fox.
The bark of both, a crack through slate, a shaft
of vermilion through bottles of home brew.

A peregrine hovers above the cwm,
glides across the heather, feeds a need.
The shepherd's hut is curtain free, open
to whim. The wind caresses the bracken.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Larsen M. Callirhoe

this is an amazing poem badge. but i have no idea as what the title is or means? is it a form or the name of the poem? this flow and was a very smooth read. i like the rhythm of this and nature is a good thing to write a poem about. enjoyed.

 

victor


Larsen M. Callirhoe

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
badger11

Thanks Victor. The title is the Welsh name for the Black Mountains in South Wales.

 

cheers

 

badge

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
dcmarti1

vermilion through bottles of home brew.

 

and

 

shepherd's hut is curtain free

 

Those are great, definite, clear images. It almost reads like haiku. Oh, I did have to look up "Wales CWM" -- valley. I first assumed it was a roadway, I don't know why. haha

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
badger11

Thank you dcm and eclipse.

 

cheers

 

badge

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Benjamin

A pleasure to read badge. Been back to it couple of times. If the flavour hadn't been so Welsh I'd have suggested "shieling" for the rough shepherd's hut. B :smile:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
dcmarti1

I like the Rev 2 last stanza. But I miss the "home brew" from Stanza 1 original. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
badger11

A pleasure to read badge. Been back to it couple of times. If the flavour hadn't been so Welsh I'd have suggested "shieling" for the rough shepherd's hut. B :smile:

 

I like that word B. Perhaps another poem...will ponder :rolleyes:

 

cheers

 

badge

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
badger11

I like the Rev 2 last stanza. But I miss the "home brew" from Stanza 1 original. :)

 

Back in dcm. Never one to come between a man and his favoured brew :0)

 

cheers

 

badge

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
dcmarti1

Back in dcm. Never one to come between a man and his favoured brew :0)

 

Oh, my gosh, that is so funny.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
dr_con

Love the final revision. seriously solid images- Just beautiful- And the indescribable Badger shines through and through.

 

Juris & Dr. Con


Join the Voodoo rEvolution. Classes forming now: http://www.integralvoodoo.org/

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
badger11

:smile: Thank you Dr C. for your enthusiasm and generous comments.

 

cheers

 

badge

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
tonyv

There's an intriguing world that's manifesting itself in in your works as of late, Badge. The poem (and the "world") has a definite sense of being in touch with one's history (a history unfamiliar to me).

 

I love "the bark of both," the part about the shepherd's hut, and The wind caresses the bracken. Those parts make it tangible; they somehow take me there. I can't say a whole lot about it. It's just a feeling I get.

 

 

Tony


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
badger11

Thanks for dropping byTony, pleased that the sense of place translated to something tangible.

 

cheers

 

badge

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Larsen M. Callirhoe

Badge i like all three versions of your write here. don't destroy any versions of the poem here fore this is a surefire hit in history itself. i would buy a poetry book to read words such as these you have writen here. your poems are easy on the eyes and esay to read with advance diction which makes you an exceptional writer all around.

 

victor


Larsen M. Callirhoe

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Frank E Gibbard

There's a perceptible sense of place that's satisfying to this reader. My soft spot's antenna are attuned to the fox references, our only wild animal I ever see about. Well done badge. Frank

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
badger11

Thanks Frank and Victor. Pleased this poem connected for you both.

 

cheers

 

badge

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Tinker

Hi Badge, I've read this about 20 times now and find something new that touches me each time. I feel connected to this place you so vividly share.

 

Thanks for taking me there. ~~Tink


~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
badger11

Thanks Tink. Pleased that a sense of place came across to you.

 

badge

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.