dcmarti1 Posted May 12, 2013 Share Posted May 12, 2013 Another dirty martini, please “Two bottles of Boone's Farm peach wine and he called me to the couch. His head on my thigh, I stroked his hair -- what the Navy let us have! That was all we did on peach wine. “Long watches in the engine room and I called him to the bench. I stood behind him, hips to his back and my arms across his chest. That was all we did on the ship. “I saw his Florida mug shot just last night; his victims were 12 and 16. My heart stopped again, just like the very first time that I was ravished by his eyes.” May 2013 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 Ouch! Your last stanza made me cringe, but I love the form. Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcmarti1 Posted May 13, 2013 Author Share Posted May 13, 2013 Thanks! I found this Septet II (3/5/7/9/7/5/3 syllables) at poetrybase.info web site. I do hope that the quotes gave the effect that I was talking to a bartender, hence the title of the poem. And, yes, this is a true story; just not the last night part. It was actually some time ago but long after my Navy days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 This was astonishing. Yes, hard hitting, the bartender part did not occur but I blame that on the time of the morning and my wake/coming awake cycle- since the title clearly indicates the set and setting. Loved it. Juris Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 A slice of life smoothly worked into this interesting syllabic form which suits the subject matter very well . Enjoyed. B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcmarti1 Posted May 14, 2013 Author Share Posted May 14, 2013 Thank you both, dr_con & Benjamin. The syllabic form forces one to crystallize and condense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 The ending is disturbing, but honest. No doubt the beast knows how to ensnare. badge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonqueen Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 Okay, marti, this causes my mind to 'whirl'. I too enjoyed the form, but more is how it affects me. (Boone's Farm Berry Frost for me, thank you) I have never been able to understand the reasons on which people judge others and how they presume to tell others how to live their lives. You must have been horrified to learn who/what he was. I have enjoyed this one, repeatedly, trying to decide exactly what to say. I'm glad some things improve as this lunatic life races by. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcmarti1 Posted May 14, 2013 Author Share Posted May 14, 2013 You must have been horrified to learn who/what he was. Not so much horrified as to a complete inability to understand, both how for him and why for the victims. Maybe more sorrow than horror. Thank you for taking the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcmarti1 Posted May 14, 2013 Author Share Posted May 14, 2013 The ending is disturbing, but honest. badge Those are two compliments. Thank you. I had to write it to get it out because it had been welling up. I'm glad it was not rejected for its treatment of the situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.