fdelano Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Cut loose from solid ties, the mind deals with things close and moving, always looking for courses best suited to find the deepest channel fdharden - 2008 Cut loose from solid ties, the mind deals with things close, an exigent moving present, always seeking a course flowing into the deepest channel. Revision -- 2014 Thanks to all, especially the Gnome, for help with this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcmarti1 Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 Its brevity gives it an almost-haiku like atmosphere: serious but not somber. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fdelano Posted February 18, 2014 Author Share Posted February 18, 2014 Thanks, DC. The theme in my mind was to let the mind find its way like a drifting boat. I suppose more could have been written, but I didn't want to present several analogies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dedalus Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 sharp, cool,admire the brevity. Quote Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 Your brevity works well with the title: creates a skilful transposition of the tangible and intangible. Offers a universal feel that nudges me to me to think of awareness and survival. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 An accurate description of being on the Russian River in a canoe when the water is medium high. You capture that letting go and focus extremely well- Deep life lessons learned which need gentle reminders as good as this. Juris Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fdelano Posted February 19, 2014 Author Share Posted February 19, 2014 My humble thanks to all for considering this bit of rumination. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dedalus Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 This is very good, so naturally I want to tinker with it: Cut loose from solid ties,the mind deals with things closeand moving,always looking for courses bestsuited to find the deepestchannel Cut loose from comfortable ties, my mind only deals with the here and now,the exigent moving present,always looking for a course best suited to find a deep, clear, running channel. Please don't be offended, amigo. I only fool around with others' poems I really like. It's the only form of criticism that seems to work when I am called upon to make any comment. Not that I was actually "called upon", but you know what I mean! Cheers, Bren Quote Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fdelano Posted February 22, 2014 Author Share Posted February 22, 2014 Cut loose from comfortable ties, my mind only deals with the here and now, the exigent moving present, always looking for a course best suited to find a deep, clear, running channel. Quite good, St. Brendan. I especially like 'exigent.' Also like the singular course; makes more sense. Your first and last lines don't seem right. I was once advised to write something worth reading. Perhaps I'll keep tinkering with this one. Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dedalus Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 Have a leisurely stroll in the garden before rushing back to your desk: annihilate those first and last (suggested) lines! The purpose is to find the very best way of saying what you want to say. In fact, just ignore my intolerable interference. Cheers, Bren (leave the keys at home, take the bus) Quote Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fdelano Posted February 22, 2014 Author Share Posted February 22, 2014 I'll drive my Jaguar. LOL I totaled the last one. Thanks, mi amigo. Paco Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dedalus Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 I've totaled four cars in my life. Nearly totaled myself the last time. Quote Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fdelano Posted February 24, 2014 Author Share Posted February 24, 2014 My avatar is the one I flew into a ravine trying to avoid hitting a deer. Perhaps the sacrifice was worth it. That car was almost as beautiful as the doe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larsen M. Callirhoe Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 a lot said in so few humbling words. enjoyed.... Quote Larsen M. Callirhoe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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